family futures - anyone any experience?

[ThatVikRinA22]

has anyone ever come across this agency before? or used them?

i watched the documentary last night - "a home for Maisie" and it made me wonder about the possibility of adopting an older child, maybe not now, but in a few years.

i always wanted another child, but i dont want to 'have' another - i see damaged youngsters alot through my work, its something DH and i discussed a long time ago.

i come from a background in which i was in and out of care. i have successfully raised two of my own, one 19 with special needs and one almost 14.

the idea of taking an older child on with a package of support is something i would consider doing, but only with the package of support, hence my wondering if anyone has heard of, come across or used this agency.

no one?

I have. My DS2-14 is really my stepson but was neglected by his birth mother early in his life and is diagnosed with developmental trauma/RAD. After a lot of pissibng about from our local CAMHS, they funded us two phases of assessments at Family Futures - the second assessment was over a whole summer and very intensive. They are a wonderful group but it is almost impossible to get funding for the intensive therappy (over three years) that they actually recommended for us. Perhaps it would be easier with an adopted child to access this, even though DS's early life was like many adopted children.

In many ways, though, these assessments helped us access what DS needs, after many years of fighting his corner. He is now in a wonderful special school and doing better than ever and we are hopeful that he may have a positive future.

I have recorded the programme from last night on SkyPlus and hope to watch it tonight.

Apologies for my spelling. pissing and therapy!

thanks bythesea

the programme was fantastic - DH says there has been a whole season of programmes about being in care.

family futures also are an adoption agency - i think i should maybe just make a few tentative phone calls and just see how it works.

thats if the kids are in agreement. im broaching the subject to see how they react - going to get DD to watch the documentary tonight.

I've heard of them, but no personal experience. I read that they believe the current system of adoption frontloads all the resources to finding spotless adoptive parents, then matching them to the right children - then completely leaving them to it once the adoption has taken place. They believe in spending c.20% of their resources in finding adoptive parents with integrity and commitment, then backloading the rest of the resources to supporting the whole family in the longer term.

That makes loads of sense to me. I don't know how good they are in practice, but the idea is so obviously spot on.

makes sense to me as well hester.

They do excellent therapeutic work with traumatised children and their families. They are the best in the country

I don't know anyone who has adopted through them but based on their other work I would definitely check them out

I would not recommend anyone to adopt an older child through their local authority or any other agency that does not offer a complete package of intensive expert support.

Yes, I went on one of their courses it was brilliant - I can imagine that they would give you 110% support as through their course I can see that they believe passionately in what they do. Good luck in your decision

thankyou

i have already decided that this is the only way i would consider taking an older child into my family - i do believe that we have a lot to offer but without the type of support im not foolish enough to think im any expert on parenting hurt children,

still discussing it with the family, but im going to get in touch with them - the only stumbling block i could see is the distance away they are but then london is only 2 hours on the train.
that and they ask that the primary carer take a year off work - makes perfect sense of course but not practical right this minute for me, as just started a new job,
definitely something id consider though. think the thing to do is just make a call.

good luck

Getting a package of therapeutic support is not easy. LAs have to provide the funding and are extremely reluctant to do so.

Family Futures has an excellent reputation as does Catchpoint in Bristol. Currently we're about to start our package of therapeutic support with an agency local to us. But we were lucky - our SS has fully supported us. Our child came as a baby but his needs have become more apparent and more significant as time progresses.

Parenting a traumatised child is draining and should not be under-estimated. I have three, two of whom are relatively straightforward but my son places a strain on all the familial relationships. It's very hard work and being on the end of his violence is hard for everyone.

thanks walesblackbird - that is exactly why i wouldnt do it without the support already in place prior to adoption, and why i wouldnt want a young child or baby.
i want to know what im getting first and i want the support already there. i believe that if you go through family futures as an agency this may be easier to obtain but of course until i do some digging im not sure

its not something i will be rushing into. it would be in a couple of years at least - and of course the family has to all be in agreement, plus i would need to find out what the possibility of me taking a years leave from work would be, and i suspect in this climate that may not be easy.

but - its worth looking into i think. thanks for your post though - all food for thought,

oh

looking at family futures website it does state they can only take applications from people living up to 90 mins away....

i wonder if that rules us out?

why is everything in london!?

"i want to know what im getting first"

You'd be "getting" a child. From your posts it seems like you want a project rather than a much-loved addition to your family.

"i want to know what im getting first" - I think OP is referring to the level of support she'd receive...

Seems reasonable to me. Before you adopt you have to undertake training, as well as various checks and medicals. Homestudy involves a varying number of home visits as well as them taking up references. 90 minutes there, 90 minutes back plus, say, a 2 hour homestudy session is a lot of very valuable time.

If you're serious about adopting then try contacting VAs or LAs closer to home. VAs tend to place older children, the children who are classed as difficult to place.

Of course this doesn't mean that adopting a baby is without its risk or that that child will be untraumatised.

There is, of course, no guarantee that any child placed for adoption will come with a support package - that generally has to be fought hard for and, depending on budgets, not always forthcoming despite a child's needs.

wales - from what i could tell if you adopt through family futures the support is already in place, thats why i was interested in them.

noeledmundshair - i meant the level of support, i have 2 children, one of whom has special needs, i am an experienced parent, i dont want a project, and would not want to parent a child from a hurt or damaged background without the level of support that an agency like family futures can offer because i would not want to let any child down.

i dont want to do this via local authority, 1 in 3 of adoptions break down because they place a child with you and then leave you to it, thats not a risk i want to take on behalf of a child who needs a loving family.

i was a child who was in an out of care. i do understand the issues to some degree.

But you know the level of support required is different in each case. Admittedly my three have all been babies but only one of mine (so far anyway) has required any therapeutic input. My other two are doing really well (she says crossing everything!).

I suspect I have been very lucky in that my LA have put their hands in their pockets and agreed to fund ongoing therapy for my child - but even with that input in place I can't underestimate how hard it is for all members of our family to live with such a traumatised child.

It really does take its toll on everyone and it's exhausting. And unpredictable.

Sometimes a child's needs can be met through CAMHS and by the use of therapeutic parenting.

Parenting an adopted child doesn't always require heavy duty therapeutic input.

And anyway, if you did apply via a LA you could always insist (ha ha ha) on the support being in place before the AO is made.

your ha ha ha makes it very clear that this is not going to happen....

i know that - ive dealt with local authorities before in getting access to educational support for my special needs DS....its a joke and that is exactly why i cant do it - i am crap at it - i arnt fiesty enough to win with any LA funding.

its a miracle my son got what he got - and i think they just got fed up of me tbh and gave in

i/we would dearly love to give a child a loving home for all the right reasons, but i would not do this without the right support already in place and local authority funding is a joke at best, and i know this because ive dealt with them.

coming from my background, i know i could give my heart to an older child who needs it.
DH (of 20 years god bless him) is on board. placid and stable and lovely. my kids would need a bit of time to get used to the idea, but i cant do it if its not done right from the start.

the long term plan is to move further south eventually if i could get a transfer with work.

it might work out. maybe ill have to put some faith into this and say if its going to work then it will happen as it should. dunno.

i dont want a baby. my kids are 19 and 14. i really feel like we could do this, for an older child, but not without the right support. i just couldnt let it fail, i know what the consequences of that are.

Vicar - perhaps you could ring and talk to someone at Family Futures? They might not be able to help you directly but they might be able to point you towards a local authority who do refer to them and therfore take post adoption support seriously. Our LA does a lot of post adoption support and not just for those needed specific support but general workshops etc but then this is a reasonably wealthy borough with relatively few adoptions so I guess per child they probably have more money.

What I'm trying to say is that not all LA's are rubbish and FF might be able to steer you in the right direction and you don't have to apply to your LA.

An acquaintance of mine has just adopted an 11 yr old a year after being placed with them (single gay male adopter - Melvin would have a heart attack!) and though I know they have had their issues, it really hasn't (so far) needed any significant intervention.

Actually Vicar we've been very lucky. Our son's therapy has been funded without argument, we have a fantastic sw who completely gets attachment disorders and has been a huge support. He's accompanied us to meetings in school and it's been a huge help having someone on side.

Possibly rare - but I really can't fault our LA at all. They've been excellent!

thats the thing though wales

you have been very lucky. i dont want to rely on luck. i cant do this if im just relying on luck.

when i was trying to get DS some help our local authority were worse than useless. i have little faith in the system to do whats required for a child, they generally only do whats required for their budgets - i cant go through fighting the good fight again.

kew - thankyou - thats a good idea - i will phone family futures and see what they say and see if they have any local authorities that will fund their services - but i know i couldnt do such a huge thing without the right support in place first. i know that i couldnt let a child down, and thats the risk id be taking without the right support in place.
thanks everyone.