I wonder is there someone out there thinking about me today?

[sunnydelight]

I should probably namechange, but most people who know me in RL don't come on this board so i can't be arsed! I am 48 today and was adopted when I was 6 weeks old from an Irish "home for unmarried mothers". I have had a really happy life, wonderful adoptive family (sadly mum died 8 years ago), and think I am generally pretty well adjusted about the whole adoption thing. My sister (not blood) traced her birth mother a few years back and it didn't end well. I have never had any desire to trace mine feeling that it would be disloyal to the wonderful parents who raised me. I'm not even sure why I am rambling on but I woke up this morning wondering if there was someone out there in the world today who woke up thinking "it's her birthday". The older I get the more likely it is that this women will no longer be alive, but it is a rather bizarre place to be.

Happy birthday Sunny D

Aww that tugged at my heart strings. There may well be someone thinking of you - she may have been very young in the unmarried mums home. I hope she is thinking about you, I doubt she wanted to go to the home or maybe even give you up, not that we can know.

I'm glad your adoption story is positive.

Much love to you today and both your Mums xxxxx

Happy Birthday :)

I was also adopted at six weeks and have a (non bio) sister. I'm 29 this year and have had one of those moments on my birthdays. I wonder if next year will be different since it's a 'big' birthday, I may wonder a little bit more.

Enjoy plenty of today!

Happy Birthday!

DH is adopted and on his birthdays I wonder if someone is thinking of him. He has no interest in tracing his birth mother though.

Happy Birthday SD - I found your post very moving. I have been involved in fostering & adoption for over 30 years as a soc work and tm mgr. I have of course been involved with many people trying to trace their birth parents or the other way round, birth parents trying to find their "lost" children. I am pretty sure there is your birth mother out there if she is still alive shedding a silent tear. No way of knowing of course but I suppose I think that because I have met so many birth mothers who have never ever forgotten the pain of losing their child.

If my sums are right you were born in 1963 - many unmarried mothers (as they were called then) did not stand a chance of keeping their baby unless they had supportive parents. This would be highly unlikely because in those days a young girl being pregnant and not married was an absolute scandal and brought shame on the family and they were often worried about what the people in the neighbourhood would think.

An Irish home for unmarried mothers sends shivers down my spine, so am assuming it was catholic and the nuns would be in charge. They were quite wicked women really and thought that the girls had to have "the devil beaten out of them" - am sure you have seen the stuff on TV and in books about the Magdalene Homes in Ireland. I have just read a very moving book called "The Lost Child of Philomena Lee" by Brian Sixsmith (well I think that's the authors name and I've loaned it to someone so can't go and have a look) about unmarried mothers in Ireland.

So glad for you SD that you had such loving adoptive parents.

Thank you all for your kind words. Yes Nana your sums are right. It was NOT a Magdalene home though thank God (I have never been able to watch that film), and I know that there would have been no choice involved which is one of the reasons I have always been pretty pragmatic about it. I have never been able to stomach the idea of a Catholic education for my children though!

Anyway, the sun is shining in Sydney this morning, my three beautiful children are up and about so I will put all maudlin thoughts behind me for another year

I felt as you did Sunny and went out and found my birth mother, for the first time this year I sent her a birthday card and she sent one to me.
It can have a happy ending and you can find the final part of the jigsaw if you want to.

Happy Birthday SunnyD, we are all thinking about you today, hope you are enjoying your day.

I guess if your birth Mum is still alive she will be thinking about you. I always wonder if my DD's birth mum is thinking about her and wondering how her life is. It is on this basis that I ensure that I give my utmost to my DD knowing that she is a very precious gift - one that I would not have if her birth Mum was able to keep her

I am sure she will be thinking about you today, if she is still alive. My aunt was 16 when she gave birth to her first daugther in a "home" in Ireland. That was 1968. I know that she thought about her baby every day until they eventually met 4 years ago. May Aunt has stayed in touch with some of the other young girls she met in the convent and not one of them voluntarily gave up their children.

Ps. My aunt recalls no violence at the hands of the nuns who ran the home she was in.

My mum and I always think about my birth mother on my birthday.

I'm in the process of tracing her, I know she's alive and she lives not far from my mum and step-dad!

I'm hopefull of contact, we'll have to see how it turns out.

Happy Birth day for yesterday.

Happy belated birthday sunnyD even if it is with mixed feelings. I always think of my sons birth mother on his birthday (he's only 5 so too young to really process it yet) - I think its natural to wonder expecially if you have childrne yourself and realise how much your birth mother missed out on.

Its impossible to know (as with DS's birth mother) how much they gave up by choice and how much though societal/family pressure but I still wonder if she thinks of him (surely she must) and how sad that she doesn;t get to enjoy him. I benefited from her loss and its hard to know that sometimes.

Happy belated birthday SD

A relative of mine had a baby in Ireland in the 1960s. Her Dad was actually okay with keeping her and the baby at home but he was overruled by 'society' i.e "what will the neighbours say?"

That child is a grown man -we know it was a baby boy as ,commonly ,mother and baby stayed together for 6 (?) weeks. And he is mentioned at family gatherings even now. The loss of him to the wider family is keenly felt.
However , not everyone is 'in' on the secret. Some members have been protected from the information for a variety of reasons.So ,even now ,the sudden appearance of a hitherto unmentioned offspring would have possibly catastrophic effect on the close family.

But to those who do know and remember ,there is special place in our hearts for our missing baby.

I hope you had a really happy birthday Sunny

I am very sure that your birthday was marked by your birth mum in some way. Adoption was very different then, than it is today. Girls had fewer options and were made to feel ashamed of their pregnacies. I'll hazard a bet that many of those girls wished they'd lived 10/20 years later so that they could have weathered the storm and kept their babies... But it wasn't to be, and I feel really heartened to read of your happy relationship with your adoptive parents.

I was born in a home for 'fallen' catholic girls, but after a lot of struggle with her parents (and valium) my Mum managed to gain custody of me.... when I was three.

I am also an adoptive parent. I love my children so much

Sunny.... you will have had so many people marking your birthday... it gives me a little shiver. x

hi sunny

i was wondering if you might be interetsed in placing your details on the adoption contact registers

I knwo you were adopted in Ireland but unless you know for sure that your birth parenst resided in Ireland i would also put details on the registers in England and Scotland as well. You will know I'm sure, that lots of girls and women were sent to Ireland from the Uk to give birth

irish adoption preference contact register

Birthlink the register for Scotland

NORCAP

Northern Ireland

Did anyone else listen to the bit about adoption an radio4's saturday live this morning?
I've just heard it through the bbc iplayer.
It's about an adoptee who also gave up a child.
It was quite illuminating.

Sounds interesting

Do you have a link?

Happy Birthday!

You seen to be very clear you don't want to trace your birth family. My story is pretty similar to yours. My birth Mum was 15 and moved into a Mother and Baby home which sounds very similar to your experience

I found my birth Mum through Norcap, a register match. I placed my details on the register and she had placed hers there two days before!!!

KristinaM were you adopted? Did you trace your family through any of the links you posted?

Wow slippers, that's quite a co incidence! Was it a special date ( like a birthday or anniversary) or just a random date?

Yes I'm adopted and i have traced, though not through any of the links I gave.

I like the fact that they are open to people who don't necessarily want any contact at all. But perhaps they just want to let their birth family know that they are alive and well and have had a happy family life.

I think many adoptees who are parents themselves are concerned that their birth family don't know if they are alive or dead. Or that they might feel guilty for the choices they made years ago

Some adoptees just want to say " it's ok, I understand that you didn't have much choice as a pg young girl in those days. I don't blame you, I ve had a lovely upbringing and I wish you well" ( assuming that s the case of course)

Some adoptees chose to leave a letter like that on file, or maybe even some photos, even if they don't want any contact.

Yes, wasn't it. No special date.

How did you trace your birth family? Its 25 years since I traced mine. I must say its been a long journey but def laid my demons to rest over the last couple of decades and feel much more at peace with things these days.

I totally agree about the different types of contact people want and its great that organisations are able to faciliate a wide variety of needs.

SunnyD of course your mother will have spent your birthday thinking about you, wondering how your life turned out, hoping that it was for the best, and feeling dreadful she could not know you.

Happy Birthday.