Adoption - Pre school and School

[oinker]

Do we tell schools that DS is adopted?

DS's birth family have specified he be given a catholic upringing. DH and I are both RC so this is not an issue.

Do adopted children get any priority at faith schools? The one's I have checked states LAC in their critieria does that include adopted children. We cannot go to our local parish because of possible contact with extended birth family. We have to change parish (not that we have been practising for a long while)

What do we do? Has anyone had this problem..
Things would possibly be easier if we could remain within our parish but we can't. Regardless of what type of school we will always have to go out of borough..

DS is still a babba but I'm just forward planning.

Any opinions or advice?

I have no specific knowledge, but as you have to go out of borough, explaining the circumstances would be definitely relevant when the time comes.

Is avoiding contact with birth family a preference, or an essential IYSWIM? Your LA or After Adoption may be able to guide you further, but I think it's great that you are thinking so far ahead.

Congratulations btw

Oh, and adopted children have totally equal status to birth children in law as far as I am aware

Here it is stated that family includes all children living as part of a household; so brothers and sisters, step and half brothers and sisters, adopted, those where the adults are legal guardians and foster children.
However I would suggest you move, into the parish where you will worship and the school you are seeking is, otherwise I can't see how you would avoid the birth family. Maybe your social worker can help.

You can apply under special social circumstances (from memory thats what its called) to be allocated a specific school or not a specific school but the local council (or school in teh case of a faith school I think) will need to be convinced by your argument. You can get social worker to write to support your application.

It also depends whether your DS is actually adopted by then because if he isnt then presumably he is still counted as a looked after child and will take precedence at most schools (for exactly the reason you say - not coming into contact with birth family). You need to contact the school you would like to go to and talk to your current local priest about whether he will support your application outside of his parish.

And yes I would always tell a school about the adoption - even 1 term into recepetion we've come across two projects which would have been very difficult wihout the school being aware of DS's circumstances.

incidentally DS applied to his school under special circumstances on the basis that he had another transracially adopted friend who was attending the sameschoolin the same year. Apparently we would have got in anyway as very close to the school but I was told unoffically that the social workers letter was strong enough to convince council admissions of the benefit to DS of attending that school (and no otehr)

Faith schools must give priority to LAC of the school faith first, then LAC of other faiths, and then so on down the list

However, i'm not sure but i think a child is only LAC if they are actually in care, under a court order at the time. Once the adoption order goes through, he is no longer a LAC, and won't get priority (i think, check that!)

I'm sorry, I don't know anything else about changing parish, or much about faith schools

As for telling the school, i say yes, because as kew says, there are plenty of hard topics and homeworks etc that are covered, and a heads up is probably helpful. Besides he well may come out with something about his adoption at school, useful if the teacher already knows rather than having a very confused expression on his/her face afterwards!

I think it would be a good idea to move as it can be very hard to get your child into a school outside of your area as they will consider all the local children first.

I have heard of people who have tried to get their children into a school near where they work rather then where they live as that would be more convenient and haven't been offered a single place, not even at the less desirable schools.

You may find it causes all sorts of problems.

Yes, I think you should tell the school about the adoption. Gives them the opportunity to have a think about how to manage certain issues sensitively.

No, I don't think adopted children get priority; once they are legally adopted they have the same status as other children. I guess if you adopted a school aged child that would give you some clout under the 'special circumstances' bit (with support from a social worker or GP). But I don't think a child adopted as an infant will get any preference by the time they reach school.

I'm quite surprised that you say you have to change parishes, oinker. Do you mean that the birth familiy live close to you? If that is the case, and is a problem, would you or are you considering moving?

Hester - it wasn;t the adoption per se that allowed us to apply under special crcumstnaces but the fact that DS's circumstances are very unusual (one of only about a 150 in the country in his year) and he had the opportunity of going through school with a child in the same boat as him which is almost unheard of. And SW letter counts as professional support.

However you need to have very string reasons for that to work.

I think your best bet (as I said) is to discuss with the preist and the school you want to go to.

Yes, Kew, that's what I was trying to say. That, like all other children, some adopted children will have particular and significant circumstances that make it worth arguing them as a 'special case'. But that adoption per se would not be enough.

Just in case it might be useful for anyone to know, when I was struggling to get a local reception place for dd1 (birth child) I tried arguing that we should get preference for a local school because dd2 (adopted) was about to be placed with us two weeks before the start of term, and it wouldn't be fair to her to be dragged around for two hours a day on public transport (we don't drive).

Didn't work, though; apparently it has to be a situation directly affecting the child applying for a place, not a situation for the family. (dd1 got her place, though )

If a school is full then the only additional benefit a LAC would get is to get to the top of the waiting list - they wouldn't simply be allocated a place as a LAC. And once they're adopted this no longer happens. An adopted child doesn't benefit from this rule - sadly, imo.

Have you checked the school's admission criteria? Ours hs a very clear list and out of catchment with no sibs already in the school comes an awfully long way down their list. If the school is oversubscribed - as many faith schools are - then I imagine you may well have a fight on your hands.

As for telling school, absolutely I think you need to tell them. Then when it comes to baby photos, timeline, family tree stuff then one would hope that they could handle these things sensitively.

You are all very helpful.

Thanks for this advice.

The extended birth family are quite elderly and churchgoers. There are no middle age or young ones to worry about thankfully. I'm sure they would not even recognise DS as they have never had contact. I'm being cautioius. Because of these factors we are not moving. I refuse to move home to enable a parish change, our life is where we are now and we have closeby and lovely neighbours who are all supportive of us.

I'm not too sure what the criteria is for the school I have in mind but my neighbours kids go there. ( i will google it) The school is just out of the parish we are in. Our neighbours go to church outside of our parish too. I will have to just try speaking with the priest and will be guided by him.
The one good thing is that the Parish I will be going to is the parish where I was baptised, recieved commonunion and confirmed ... Who Knows what'll happen...
Thanks again...

Gosh reading this thread has made me wonder how Jewish adopted children fare with regards to faith schooling. If Jewish people adopt non-Jewish kids, are they entitled to have them schooled in Jewish faith schools? And are they considered to be Jewish at synagogue? Had never considered these aspects before. Do Jewish people ever adopt out of faith? Shall have to go off and ask my Jewish friends now.

Hi duchesse, as ever with Jews (I'm allowed to say that; I am one) there is not one single answer to this.

Thank you hester. Judaism is a very pragmatic religion!

I have jewish friends who have adopted children of unknown birth religion (but most likely russian orthodox or muslim) and they seem to be accepted at their (pretty liberal) synagogue and go to a faiuth shcool though this is in the states.

Sorry, I had to run off in mid flow. As on so many issues, there is a big difference between liberal and orthodox... Lots of Jews do adopt, but some religious authorities do not accept the civil concept of complete cessation of the parental bond and parental responsibility. In other words, the adoptive parents would always act kind of on behalf of the birth parents. I believe that the Orthodox line is that non-Jewish children who are adopted by Jews have to convert; they are not automatically seen as Jewish.

But I'm not an expert; I may have got this wrong!

Hi,
On the subject of telling school whether DS is adopted - my DD is 5 and I told her pre-school and then school staff that she is adopted. Pre-school staff tried hard to ignore it which was a bit disappointing, but school staff have been great. My reason for wanting them to know is that we have been very open with DD about her adoption, however there are some things which she struggles with - like why did my birth son grow in my tummy and she did not? Why didn't I breastfeed her? She works really hard to understand these things and I would be very upset if a careless comment at school like 'you grew in your mummy's tummy' undermined this work. But as I say, school are very sensitive to this and also where possible try to promote her ethnic background.
I have no regrets about telling school. In fact I have told a lot of people, friends and professionals and have rarely regretted it (although there are always some people who can screw up a conversation. Like the woman who said - well, they say dogs look like their owners. Perhaps she'll start to look like you!!)