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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Looking for adoption advice

26 replies

atticfun · 09/02/2011 20:14

Hello everyone this is my first post. I am looking for information regarding single people adopting. I am 30 and a single female teacher. Am really unsure if this is even possible or where I would start.
Any advice would be gratefully received.

OP posts:
anji9012 · 09/02/2011 20:54

view WWW.baaf.co.uk for further information.

Original poster
atticfun · 09/02/2011 20:56

Thanks for that

OP posts:
Mumleigh · 09/02/2011 21:10

Hi , I am a married adopter but there was a single adopter on my adoption workshop and she did adopt a little boy ( although it did take her longer to be matched with a child than anyone else in our group) My advice would be to go on to the Adoption UK website and post a question on their message board. Good Luck!

hester · 09/02/2011 21:16

It is absolutely possible, and there was a single woman on my adoption course. However, you need to be realistic: adoption is a market, and you will probably find it harder to adopt a baby. If you are happy to consider an older child, then the next thing to consider is how you will look after them: do you have enough support? Can you take time off work? Adoption agencies take a dim view of adopting a child and putting them straight in childcare, IME.

I think there is a single adopters area on the message board at adoptionuk.com

Best of luck.

Mumleigh · 09/02/2011 21:16

Sorry , should have given you the web address! www.adoptionuk.org they have a section on their message board for prospective single adopters.

Original poster
atticfun · 09/02/2011 21:29

Thank you both for your information, feel as a teacher I would be more suited to a school age child anyway.

Thank you again

OP posts:
Lilka · 09/02/2011 21:46

I am a single adopter of three! My first daughter was 10, second was 8, and then her brother was nearly 2

You need to be able to be off work realistically for a minimum of 6 months, but some children won't cope after 6 months and you'll need to be away from work for longer. You need a lot of support but IMO its so worth it

PM me if you want to know more :)

FellatioNelson · 09/02/2011 21:48

If you go off work beacuse of adoption do you get maternity leave?

LadyBiscuit · 09/02/2011 21:50

Yes you do Fellatio - adoption leave is equivalent to maternity leave.

FellatioNelson · 09/02/2011 21:54

Thanks - always wondered!

Original poster
atticfun · 10/02/2011 18:30

Thank you, that is very useful to know.

OP posts:
snail1973 · 10/02/2011 18:54

Adoption leave isn't (or at least wasn't) the same as maternity. Many employees do treat it the same but govt minimum payment for instance is much less than maternity.

LadyBiscuit · 10/02/2011 22:00

I think that's changed now. You get SMP for 39 weeks if you have adopted or given birth. My employer and my friend's (mine private, hers public) both gave identical benefits whether you'd given birth or adopted (so 6 months on full pay or whatever).

flossymuldoon · 11/02/2011 06:26

Yes, it's the same at my company for both maternity and adoption leave - and as far as i can work out with other i know it seems to be the same everywhere.

I get 26 weeks full pay (inlcuding the first 26 weeks stat), 13 weeks at Stat Adoption pay and if i want to to take it another 13 weeks unpaid. I am also adding my annual leave for this year too which adds another 5 weeks at full pay.

Lilka · 11/02/2011 07:38

Depends on your employer. Most places are the same now, but some still don't have equal leave for maternity and adoption. I didn't get equal leave to maternity a few years ago.

You need to check your company policy. If it isn't the same as maternity, complain - some parents I know did get a change in policy after complaining about it

LadyBiscuit · 11/02/2011 08:57

It should be illegal for it to be different Angry

FellatioNelson · 11/02/2011 10:40

I think the argument for that is probably that with births there is usually a need for a period of a period of physical recuperation whereas with adoption there is not.

LadyBiscuit · 11/02/2011 13:27

But it isn't just about time for recuperation, it's about building a trusting relationship with your child (or it should be anyway IMO). Many adoption agencies won't consider a couple if they both work and neither of them can take that critical time out in the first six months/year to build a relationship with a child.

Lilka · 11/02/2011 17:10

Agreed. It is very important to have a lot of time with your child, and it would be quite traumatic for the child to be placed in childcare very soon after arriving home...they need lots of time with their new parents. Mine would have gone off the wall if they'd been in childcare for months after arriving home!!

You absolutely cannot build a proper relationship if you aren't there and are letting your child be looked after by somebody else..you are a stranger to your child, and they will start bonding with their carers rather than you if you are working long hours while their needs are being met by someone else

I do strongly feel it's unfair and discrimination..why do i deserve less than a new birth mum exactly?? Whats she got on me?

LadyBiscuit · 11/02/2011 18:11

You shouldn't be discriminated against, lilka. It's really wrong :( (and actually I think new adoptee relationships probably need a more thorough grounding than biological ones but that's not going to happen)

snail1973 · 11/02/2011 19:18

I always assumed the difference was because with adoption employers may only be given a week or two's notice that an employee is taking a long period off work whereas with natural birth they would have at least a few months notice meaning it is then easier (cheaper??) for them to find cover for the employee's role.

snail1973 · 11/02/2011 19:19

That said I argued strongly with my employer that I should not be penalised financially because if my infertility

hester · 11/02/2011 23:32

Now that maternity leave is so much longer than it used to be it is clearly not just about physical recuperation.

I think dd2 (adopted) needed me at home every bit as much as dd1 (birth child). Probably more.

KristinaM · 12/02/2011 08:19

And obviously the Need for physical recuperation is very small for some women, judging by the number who are on mumsnet boasting about cooking christmas dinner for 12 the day after giving birth, back at the gym 2 weeks after their c section etc

The majority of parental leaves for the beneifitof the CHILD, not the parent

If children in care are not adopted, they will remain in the system for life and cost the public purse a FORTUNE, not just for their childhood but for most of their lives. Adopters are saving th e public a lot of money, it's not too much to expect paid adoption leave the same as bio parents

Claire66 · 07/04/2011 19:20

Hi there (am coming into this a bit late), just wanted to say I am a single adopter of 2 children, I was 34 years old for my first child. I adopted my first child age 10 months (5 months after approval, unusual to be so quick but not impossible) and the sibling a few years later age 12 months, neither had hugely complex needs either. I was the only single adopter in my preparation group but was the first to have a child placed. I would recommend adoption uk , I find them very helpful too. Good luck in your adoption journey, I can recommend it!