I'm a working single mother, would I be considered for adoption

[saffyronron]

I'd love to have another child (already have an 8 year old adoreable boy) but I'm single and 40. I work full time (a decent professional career) and own my own property (2 beds, can't afford anything bigger). Am I too old and too single to adopt?

No you're not too old or too single. However as you work full time, it would be difficult to take a child under school age. How do you manage in school holidays and taking and fetching your son to and from school. It maybe that he is collected by a friend or relative. The thing is with an adopted child, you would need to have adoptionleave to allow the child to settle and then have reliable arrangements for school holidays, child sickness etc.

The other thing is your own little boy. All children who are awaiting adoption are to a greater or lesser extent damaged by emotional, physical or sexual abuse, and the damage manifests itself in difficult behaviour, which could affect your own child. There needs to be a 2 or 3 year gap and the adopted child would need to the youngest so he/she wasn't competing with a younger child. That means you would be thinking of a 5 or 6 year old.

Contact your LA and ask to speak to the adoption team. They will send you further info and then come out and visit you. They will say if they think it not reasonable (one of the problems couldbe lack of space - the adopted child would have tobe a boy and how is your son going to feel about having to share his bedroom by a younger, possibly destructive child)but applicants are invitied to a preparation course and then are subjected to an comprehensive assessment and this is a 2 way process really, for you to decide whether this really is for you.

Sorry I am not trying to put you off - but am trying to give you things that sws may be wanting to discuss with you. But do get in touch and get the ball rolling - there is no committment at this stage, nor indeed untilyou have finished the prep course.

Give it a go and have a chat with the LA and take it from there.

yes you would be considered for adoption

but only for kids that couples wont take. so that's older children and / or those with special needs

and you would need to go part time, at least for the first few years.

unless you are black

and your Ds would need to share a bedroom with you as any child placed needs their own room ( whatever your ethnicity)

that's not the politically correct answer but its the truth. people will come along and tell you that everyone is assessed individually, and you can approach all the agencies in your areas and they all have their own rules. which is true. and it will take you months to get them to admit what i've just told you

you also need to think about the impact on your adorable 8 year old of adopting a troubled younger child, who will demand all ( and i do mean all) your attention. and may stop you doing many of the activities that you currently do as a family

sorry i cant be more positive

Thanks Nana, I kind of know that it's not really very realistic. I have a wonderful DS, he's kind and sensitive and I know he would be kind to a younger child introduced to our little family. At the moment my DS goes to after school club and in the holiday's either friends and family or club. I don't think it's realistically practical to adopt, however I do think I could put my own personal barriers aside for the sake of offering a home to a child. I would get maternity leave (I have knowledge of friends at work who have adopted), it would be financially difficult and personally likely the biggest challenge of my life. I'm in the thinking stages. A few nights ago I looked at my DS and felt so blessed, I almost accepted that I shouldn't think of another child, but there's still something in me that wants to love another child. I accept I will probably need to put those feelings aside, but wish that a miracle would happen so I could have another child in my life. It's a bit of a dream really.

Thanks for your honest answer Kristina, it's very much appreciated.

"but only for kids that couples wont take" or a child that isn't suitable to be placed with an adult male (eg one who had suffered abuse by a male), though I don't know how an 8-12 (by then) yr old boy would fit in with that.

Like the others I feel in this particualr case that sharing a bedroom may prove to be one impracticality too far.

If your adopted child has disruptive issues it would be very wearing on your son to expect him to share a room with that. My son was very small and had no particular problmes but still suffered from sleep issues and to a greater or lesser degree has ever since (ie for the last 4 years). Sleep issues are very common in adopted childrne even if they come wihtout some of the trickier behaviours like agression.

You also need to check your companys adoption policy - it isn;t uncommon for adoption leave (its not maternity leave) to be the minimum statutory which is the £100 odd a week that maternity drops to, no enhanced first 6 weeks. And as I say many companies don't offer more than that.

"but there's still something in me that wants to love another child. I accept I will probably need to put those feelings aside, but wish that a miracle would happen so I could have another child in my life. It's a bit of a dream really."

I'm really not at all unsympathetic to this, I feel the same way myself and would dearly love to have adopted again. However I have to be realsitic about the effects on my AND Ds's life and be fair to the newly adopted child - I just couldn't give them the time and attention that I gave DS the first time around.

i'm 36 and have a 3 and a half year old and would also love another one, two...three...lots! but feel there's not much hope. i also work full time - what to do really? good luck to you xx

I am a single mum to a 10 yo birth daughter and was luckily enough to be placed with a 3 yo daughter last year.

I think maybe it depends on your la but I don't think we were matched because couples wouldn't take her on.

You really need to to talk to your la and see what there views are, the only thing different is that I am a sahm and I think at least for the initial period any child coming into your family really need to know you are there for them.

I'm single and adopted over seas (as i live over seas), but i think that you would be fine in the UK. A great podcast and website that i love is Creating a family, she has tons of stuff on there. It's US based but has lots about different places.
Good luck!

"but i think that you would be fine in the UK" - sorry but I'm not sure I understand what you mean. That OP would be fine to adopt form overseas in the UK? I don't think she has the money judging by her OP, UK home studies (along with new charges from DCFS) are beginning to make it prohibitively expensive for all but the well off.

40 is not too old to have another baby.

Had to be a party pooper, but it would probably be easier and cheaper for you to have another baby.

not a party pooer expat - accurate.

sorry i meant that she should be ok to adopt in the UK. (i wasn't talking about an overseas adoption). I live overseas which is why i adopted overseas.
Expatinscotland, it would depend if she could have another kid, also if she adopted a kid that would be one less kid that needs to be adopted. Maybe i am thinking of Taiwan but we have lots of babies that need homes and many people there don't want to adopt just because there is a social stigma.

she would be very unlikely to get a baby in the UK - very few up for adoption and most will (inevitably) go to couples with one stay at home parent.

OP - concurrent planning has been a successful route to adopting a baby for some single adopters BUT you run about (last time I looked) a 15% chance of the child being returned to birth family after the inital fostering period and there is (I understand) a higher prevalence of drug/alcohol/mental health issues (including FAS and drug depednent babies) as of course there is some fairly serious reason that the child is on the at risk register (I don't think its called that anymore?) pre-birth.