sensitive question

[frozenfestiveflo]

We have dear friends whom we met through babyloss. Our DS was stillborn in early 2007 and a few months later their DD was born at 32 weeks and died a few hours later. They are very special people and had been trying for a long time, they had suffered 2 preious mc's and then no success ttc and after many tests had to resort to IVF. Hence their beautiful daughter :( Life is way too cruel. Since they have had 4 attempts at IVF and all have failed - they have started the adoption trail but at some point in the process it all became too much and they stopped. I know that this coming year they are hoping to start again - they are the most fabulous people and fabulous with little ones.

Has anyone ever managed adoption after a similar loss?

I would second Maryz.
We are approved adopters who have arrived there through infertility, as has everyone we have met through out prep courses. All our stories are pretty similar.

The approval process can be brutally hard at times and i would possibly say that the 6 months (of weekly SW visits) it took to be approved was as stressful as the infertilty (although in a completely different way). It is a very intrusive process with your attitudes, opionions and own life experiences broken down into minute detail and analysed.

When we first approached them they asked how long it was after the last IVF and when i told her she said to go away and come back in 6 months. I was a bit miffed as i thought i had come to terms with it but she was absolutely right. That extra 6 months made all the difference and i don't think i would have had the mental strength to go through the approval process without it as it gave me time to grieve properly for the child i will never have. Looks like your friends are wise to realise that they need some more time.

I have no experience of adoption yet, but we are planning to adopt in the future. Our daughter died 3 years ago. Before she came along I had suffered 2 miscarriages. We (by some ridiculous miricle that we are amazed by every day!) have since had a beautiful (birth) son, now 18 months old, healthy, happy and here! :)

In a few more years we will begin the adoption application process. When pregnant with our son we decided if it 'went wrong' again we would adopt. After looking into it all we decided we would adopt later on anyway - no matter what the outcome of the pregnancy was. I lurk on adoption forums and boards (like this one!) and use the Be My Parent website. I am desperate to start the process, but we still need more time

This is what I originally wanted to say, before rambling on for so long! It has been 3 long hard years since we lost our daughter, and we have even been blessed with a son in the meantime, but we are STILL deep in the grieving process. Too deep to go throuh adoption ourselves, and too deep to inflict our pain on an adopted child. We feel guilty for bringing our son into our grief sometimes. My DH in particular hid his feelings and it is only now that he is dealing with his grief properly.

I think ensuring the time is right is the critical thing here. I am so pleased to hear your friends put it off for a while, because they obviously realise this. I don't have anything of any real substance to say. I just wanted to sympathise and say hello, and that I can understand how they feel.

Hugs to you, them, me and everyone else who has suffered such painful loss.