Advice for white single woman late 30s - where to register to adopt

[orangepig]

Hi,

A friend is starting to explore adoption. She is single, straight and white and the London Borough she lives in (in South London) says they are not accepting any white adopters as most the kids they need homes for are not white.

Can she register elsewhere? Are there any particular areas you can recommend she look into registering with?

Many thanks.

It's not about who is right and who is wrong, is it? Much more interesting is why your experience has been so different from mine and some other posters. Do you think it's a time issue, or place - were you working in London? Or maybe it's about perceptions, assumptions, poor communication, professional cultures and received wisdom?

No that is fine, dont worry and I appreciate your apology. I am a relative novice on mumsnet to be honest so I expect I should be more aware of this happening as people do remember others from various threads. To be honest I have found this thread to be a good discussion, unlike some I have been on which I have found dreadfully depressing with some really narrow minded people who are very quick to make judgements about things they have very limited experience of. Actually you go around in circles sometimes and it puts me off coming on. Glad to see the adoption threads are not like that..its heartening actually.

I am not sure you know Hester, I did wonder if it was about London but I have worked in big multicultural cities and the professional culture was changing. I think actually a lot of it is down to individual workers and what they convey to adopters in training and assessment. There is no statutory guidance and so it is down to the individual. I feel getting children placed is the number one priority as care and numerous foster placements is so damaging but I do think you have to be very careful as it does take someone with a lot of insight to be able to effectively parent a child of a different heritage. But those people do exist and they should be given the opportunity to parent these children if they are happy to. I think also that adoption often attracts much older social workers, and its harder then to bring them around to this way of thinking?

That's interesting, sinead. I'm struck by what you write about how it takes someone with a lot of insight to be able to effectively parent a child of a different heritage. I agree, and I don't yet know whether I'll be up to the challenge. But I did find the assessment and matching processes rather assumed that if you have a black dp (as I do) then you'll be good enough. It's as if having a transracial relationship somehow magically gives you the skills to parent transracially. And lord knows they don't offer any support with it, or indeed with the whole settling process. All the focus and resource seems to go on assessment and matching. You are then considered up to the job and allowed to get on with it.

I think the challenges of transracial adoptive parenting are evolving and complex and need to be better supported than they are.

I'm also curious that we talk so little about class in this context. Many adopters are middle class. Most adopted children come from working class families. In our case, my dp comes from the same country of origin as our dc's birth father, but frankly, they could not come from more different backgrounds and it is quite crass to they share a common heritage.

Anyway, this is all fascinating but I'm beginning to ramble incoherently so had better get off to bed.

To be honest I dont think that is the assumption. I think the assumption is that you are clearly open minded when it comes to ethnicity and this has been reflected by your choice of partner. It shows an acceptance already if you like and that skin tone (which lets be honest is all race is) is not an issue for you. Also it means that the child will have a point of reference in relation to their own heritage as your partner is of the same origin. I think the difficulty is more when it is a white family with very limited experience of other cultures and no one in the extended family or circle who is non white..then its difficult as that child will really feel the impact of being 'different' and that is magnified by the fact they are adopted anyway.

Class is certainly interesting and yes you could have middle class from two different cultures who share far more than working and middle class in the same culture..that is very true. Certainly food for thought!

Do the adoption support services in London not have an obligation to provide support until the child is 18? Again my experience of adoption support and post adoption services has been quite good.

I too am off to bed now...if I dont reply for a while.

"It seems different LA's have different ideas which is a real shame, some consistency would be nice." - well until BAAF reconsider their firmly stated opposition to transracial adoption it is carte blanche for social workers and adoption departments to feel justified on their own very obvious opposition.

Even with a transracially adopted child already I couldn't even get past an intital telephone interview and my local SS wouldn't even do that.

" think the assumption is that you are clearly open minded when it comes to ethnicity and this has been reflected by your choice of partner. It shows an acceptance already if you like and that skin tone (which lets be honest is all race is) is not an issue for you."

sinead - could you just clarify - are you saying that race is only about skin tone?

and what do you mean " is not an issue for you"? surely ignoring matters of background, ethnicity and heritage is a BAD thing, not a good one?

i think Hesters point about class differences is an excellent one and often ignored by SS