we have a sn child would we stand any chance of being approved to adopt???

[MissTired]

does anyone know if me having a son who is autistic and has some challenging behaviours as a result of the autim would stop us being able to adopt. i live with my pertner but my son is from a previous relationship, ds is 5 in november so by the time we had been through any procee needed would be at least 5 and if not 6 i would imagine, ive no idea how long this all takes!? we tried for a child together for 2yrs 6 months before finding out we cant have our own biologically and ivf would be difficult and expensive as a little complicated so we are considering adoption but worried about getting our hopes raised if we stand no chance in adopting so not thought through it too much although keen as dont want our hopes of another child dashed if that makes sense.
does anyone know if we stand any chance in being approved to adopt, or would it depend on age et of child we hoped for ie would we be more likely to be approved for a sn child or an older child given these circumstances or will they say no chance regardless??? im 30 this year and my partner is 32 this year so im presuming age will be no problem. also we privately rent, will that be a problem?? also would it be an issue that we only have a small spare room, if we wanted to look at sibling groups would we get support in moving somewhere bigger when the time is right so were not moving first with the hope we may get approved etc or do they just say no to sibling groups when approved (if even approved!) a not space for more than one child?
thanks in advance

Hi MissTired, I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. However, I am an adopter with an older birth child (not SN) and I am certain that the social workers will want to be very sure that you have the resources (time, energy, emotional and physical space, support networks) to provide care for another child, who may in time also prove to have SN. This was a big factor in our application to adopt. Also, many children in the care system need loads of time and attention, and so would not be given to a family with existing children. We certainly lost out on a lot of potential children in this category.

On the other hand, as you suggest, if you can convince them that you have sufficient resources then it may count in your favour that you already have experience of parenting a child with SN.

Age will certainly not be a problem: most adopters are in their 40s (in our area), so 30 is spring chicken territory.

Private renting is not held against you, but the lack of space may well be an issue.

My strong advice is to ring round a few agencies and talk to them. They can vary quite widely in what/who they are looking for, and a quick chat on the phone is really informative and doesn't commit you to anything.

Some friends of mine have recently adopted; they have three children of their own (one with SN) - the parents are in their 40s.
As hester says, ring round and talk to the adoption agencies - my understanding is that they are very keen to find families willing to adopt. Good luck.

Like hester I don't know the answer, and I would agree with what she says about different agencies being different. Put your concerns to them and see what they say.

What I can say is that we are just going through the process to adopt a 2nd child and most agencies want your first child (birth or otherwise) to be at least 5 yrs old before they will consider you. So you are ok there. They would only place a child younger than your DS, probably younger by at least 2 yrs.

They shouldn't hold be in rented accom against you but I am sure will want to talk about stability.

As far as your son in concerned, I guess it all depends on what level of special needs he has. You having been trying for a baby for some time so you clearly feel able to cope and you just need to put your case forward convincingly. They asked us all the same kind of questions - how will it affect you/your child/your relationship etc and as long as you have thought it all through and can give good answers I don't see why it would be a major issue.

In fact we talked about some problems we had when DD first arrived and SS thought this was very useful as it showed we could identify and deal sensibly with issues when they arose. I expect you could think of lots of similar examples with your son.

Children who are in care have had some significant upset in their lives, some more than others. SS want to know that your family is going to be sensitive to these, accepting of the child no matter what, and that you are strong enough to cope.

Good luck

I have an older child with SN and we adopted a sibling for her. Good luck.

Miss tired - I think you have been given good advice on here. I have recently retired after 30 years as a sw and tm mgr in fostering & adoption for a LA.

I don't think you should be worrying over some of the issues you have raised as every family is different as I'm sure you are aware. Any adopted child needs to be the youngest child in the family so that they don't have to compete with younger children. Have you thought about how your son might react to a young child in the family and it is of course complicated by the fact that your H is the step-father of your son.

These matters can all be talked through with an adoption social worker. I am always amazed at how some people seem to want allthe answers before they approach the LA. Adoptions social workers don't bite - honest! They would prefer people to ask all the questions necessary and can give you honest and realistic answers. It isn't a pass or fail situation. It all very much depends on different families circumstances.

I know somw posters are saying to try different agencies, but were I you I would begin with your local social services adoption service and register your interest and an appt can be made for an adoption worker to come and see you and hopefully answer your queries and maybe raise a few more!

I would however caution you against going to a voluntary organisation (who do assess adoptive applicants) the thing is that these vol orgs like Barnardoes, Action for Children etc don't actually have any children and they have to "sell" families that they recruit and approve to the LAs who are looking for homes for certain children. LAs always try to place children with their own adoptors for obvious reasons, becausethey cannot afford to pay the voluntaries for their families. Many voluntairy organisations are upset about this but the LAs are all cash strapped (and soonn to be much worse given the impending spending review tomorrow) The voluntaries are going to have to find another way of staying in business.

However other LAs is OK as they do tend to have different policies, but contact your own first and don't think you have to have all the answers. If you want to learn more about adoption you an look on "Adoption UK" site and "British Agencies for Fostering & Adoption (BAAF) where there is a wealth of information.

Hope this helps.