Are we too old to be allowed to adopt?

[Petal02]

I?m 41, and my husband is 47. My first marriage was a disaster, and we didn?t have children. I?m now happily re-married. My husband has two teenagers from his first marriage, who live with their mother. I?m beginning to think about children, but not babies. For as long as I can remember, I?ve had a real phobia about pregnancy and childbirth. I saw a very traumatic childbirth video in a school biology lesson, and I think this is where the fear stems from. I?ve known quite a few friends have horrendous pregnancy/birth experiences. However even if I could conquer my fear of pregnancy, I don?t know easy it would be to conceive at 41? So I?m thinking about adoption. I know that babies are hard to come by, but I think we could offer a lot of love to an older child. But are we too old?

[countydurhamlass]

i don't think your too old, my friend is just going through the process and have been matched to two children aged 2 1/2 and 4 and she is 38 and he is 48.

[dolphin13]

No we adopted when I was 48 and my dh 38.
We also foster and have done an adoption with one couple in their 50s.

Good luck

[KristinaM]

as other have said , you are not too old to adopt an older child ( school age). if you are a mixed heritage family you might also be considered for a toddler. However, adoption of older children is very risky as a large proportion of placements break down. But there are many children needing a family

can i ask how long you and your Dh have been together? how does he feel about adopting rather than having another bio child? does he have a good relationship with his children?

neither are you too old to conceive. i conceived twice straight away at 41. the first pregnanacy ended in early miscarriage ( very common) and the second in DS1. then i had DSS at 43, also conceived very easily. i had healthy pregnancies and babies

if you surf mumsnet you will find there are many other women having babies in their 40s. i think there were 27, 000 babies born last year in the UK to women in their 40s

the statistics are confused by teh fact that many women of 41 have been TTC for years. if you have not tried yet then your chances are much better

i knwo you have issues about pg and childbirth, but i suspect that SS will want you to have had conselling for these anyway BEFORE you start the adoption process. they are often reluctant to start assessing families without fertility problems who have chosen not to have bio children. this is because these families very often drop out

also adopting a child might bring up soem of these issues for you, as you will be becoming a mother by another route

so i woudl advise you to get some counselling / therapy for these now, while you beging to explore all your options

[hester]

Good advice from Kristina, as always.

I gave birth at the age of 41. I have also just adopted a 10 month old baby, aged 46.

I do have the advantage (in adoption terms) of being in a mixed race relationship.

[Silver1]

I know 3 white British couples of similar ages to you who adopted children under 1, with our LA, and we a good 10 years younger adopted a toddler over 1, age isn't as much a factor as finding the right match for each child.

I agree that you need to get some sort of closure on your reasons for not wanting to conceive, because the SW and matching panel will be very hot on that if you were to proceed with adoption.

[walesblackbird]

I'm and 'old' adopter! I'm now 51 and have three children aged 9, 6 and 4, all of whom came separately as babies.

Generally SS operate a 45 year age differential - between the youngest partner in a relationship and the child but even this is flexible.

I was 47 when my daughter was placed at 12 months - it's tiring - well exhausting - but having never been anything other than an older mother I don't know whether it's harder or easier. This way though I know that I don't feel as if I've missed out on anything.