Bonding with new grandparents

[dreamylady]

Anyone have any experience or advice with this? My Mum and DD (5) haven't bonded, Mum is 'interested' but there's little real spark or connection or obvious affection there. They have known each other since DD was 2 but we live far apart so don't see each other very frequently. Mum is looking after DD for 3 days, arranged a couple of months ago when things seemed to be going well, but i am now regeretting it, as DD, who has had episodes of seperation anxiety, is quite nervous at the prospect and has just cried herself to sleep . What can I say to my Mum to help her manage the next few days and encourage her to be a bit warmer and empathetic (she tends to try and minimise / dismiss DDs distress as manipulative).

I'm reading this now and thinking what the hell was I thinking arranging this! [guilt]

Hi I did not want to leave your post unanswered. When I adopted my dd 2.5 years ago I had a lot of anxiety about her bonding with my mum as also have a birth son with whom they were very close. I did look for things at first and I think my mum found it a little hard being around her while I was around. Their bond grew from strength to strength when I left her there for a few hours at a time.

My mum tended to over spoil them (which is what gp do) but felt much easier doing it while I was not there.

I know its hard with what to say to your mum, I can sometimes find my mum unapproachable and difficult with certain things, but the kids adore her.

Good luck, I am sure it will be fine.

thanks April this really helped me to feel reassured - and they had a great day together today - you were right - the dynamic is so much better when i'm not around! thank you

Brilliant glad to hear it

Hopefully you can have a good few days away (guilt free) and that is a lot of time for them to bond deeper.

It went really well april, they are both lovers of shopping for shiny /pink/ glittery things (which I'm really disapproving of) so they spent most of the time doing that together! She's not quite ready to stay with Mum at hers yet, but I reckon she'll be a lot less worried next time I ask Mum to come here and look after her.

Thanks again!