I'm too stupid for this

[TooStupidForWords]

I started a part-time professional doctorate last Sept and I'm supposed to be submitting my first assessment at the end of this month.

I have an MSc, a PGCE and a small number of publications / conference presentations. But it's been nigh on 10 years since I wrote anything from scratch/without collaboration and my imposter syndrome is out of control and procrastination levels are sky-high.

I'm seriously considering packing it all in already! I just feel as if I am in no way smart enough for this. I can't seem to formulate a coherent argument, have forgotten how to properly research (or read!) sources, can't even use RefWorks anymore. I used to love writing and I feel sad that it's all such a miserable slog these days. It's not even level 8 writing yet ffs.

Please tell me it gets better? I'm worried I've left it too long (I'm 52 now) and my brain actually isn't functioning the way it used to! I've got another 5 years of this...

You're just panicking! For a start - this is just your first assessment - not the Nobel. Take some pressure off by realising that it doesn't have to be your best work - but you just need to put something out there and get some feedback. Make an outline. Make paragraph headings. They become topic sentences. Old fashioned PEEL paragraphing (never to old to PEEL) Make your POINT, Support with EVIDENCE (or theory - or something), EXPLAIN how your evidence (or whatnot) supports your point. LINK your lovely point to the overall topic. Rinse and repeat until you get to the end.

Also - you did a PGCE. If you can do that - you can do anything. Much tougher.

PhDs are about tenacity and perseverance rather than smarts.
Onward and upward - from a fellow was-mature grad student.

You are totally smart enough for this. Just get something down on the page…doesn’t matter how good it is and go from there. Blank screens are intimidating, and easing the pressure on yourself will help the ideas flow. I also find after a session of writing putting a sentence or two for my next idea at the bottom of the page helps me pick up my thoughts for the next session.

If you are a visual person, make a flow chart of your argument, supports, warrants, sketch it out and then a sentence or two under each step. You have your outline then and then fill it in. Does your university have a writing centre you could use to have them see a draft, or do you have a trusted colleague who could look?

It will get better…you just have to get in the flow of it again, that’s all. No doubt in my mind you will be just fine.

Look at the training offered by your university and if you're not sure where to find it, ask the library what training they offer. The university where I work offers regular training sessions for everything you've mentioned, online and face to face. They also offer one to one sessions if students need more support. They've been doing it for years but this year is the first year I've seen it advertised well. Before that, students either had to remember it being mentioned in passing once or get lucky with a supervisor who had time to find out about these things.

As far as writing goes, it has to go through 'crap' to get to good. What I mean by that is that a first draft will often be sketchy, will have 'place holders' where you're working things out, it's a work in progress. The fact that you are recognising areas that you need to work on is actually a positive too. As a PP has said check out the training that your Uni offers and brush things up. I'm a mature 51 year old student doing a PhD and there will naturally be some things that you may have forgotten if you've been out of academia for a long time.

Have a look at some of the techniques in Writing with Power by Peter Elbow (website & book). Writing is hard, don't underestimate that. And just brainstorm to get stuff on paper first. Then refine & organise it.

Update: I got my result - 'a strong pass' with some really positive feedback on my writing style and ability to develop an argument. It's given me a boost, at least I'm not as dumb as I feared...

However, my next submission is going to clash terribly with a very, very busy time at work, so I think I need to start planning now!

Thanks for the tips, I will definitely check them out.