My DH is my carer/going away for research

[theferry]

I just wondered what people’s opinions are on this before I approach my colleague who is the research lead for the school.

I am based in the Humanities and need to travel internationally for research. It’s been a good few years since I had to travel. Since then a health condition has worsened and DH is now my carer. I get PIP and my DH gets carer’s allowance so it’s all ‘official’.

i need to travel in the summer of 2025 so I’m currently putting together an application for some funding from my university. This will cover about a quarter of the cost. We will cover the rest.

The problem is that I really need DH with me. If he comes, the DDs will have to come. (No relatives that they could go to and I think they’re too young to be left on their own for 3 weeks.) Without him, I’m in danger of relapsing and not being able to work/having to be admitted to hospital. I would argue that agreeing for DH to be with me (at no cost to the university) would be a reasonable adjustment.

We would cover all of the extra costs involved in DH and DDs being there.

I’m nervous about approaching my colleague about this and unsure as to how he will react. It’s the case that illness is seen as a sign of weakness where I work. I’d be grateful for any advice/responses to this situation. Do I just try to struggle on my own?

If it's at no cost to the uni then I don't see why this would be an issue?

Would the Uni even have to know? As they are not being asked to fund his travel etc.

If they're not funding it or arranging it, why does the employer need to know?

If the university is not involved in funding, why do they even need to be informed?

People take spouses and family to tag along on business trips all the time. As long as it doesn’t interfere with work, it doesn’t matter.

Thanks all. I guess the only reason they might need to know is that we will have to book a bigger hotel room than I would need on my own and this would have to go through Key Travel/the uni’s travel agent. I’m thinking this may be questioned, but the difference between the two would be more than covered by us.

For clarity, I’m looking at work paying around £2k and we would cover the remaining £6k.

I had to do this sort of the other way around – had to bring my children along because my husband was too ill to have sole care of them whilst I was away.

A practical factor to get advice on is how to do the bookings. Will you be able to get all four names on accommodation via Key Travel, for example – can it cope with family rooms and children on the booking? Are you happy to book your travel via Key Travel and theirs separately, or would it be disastrous if, say, flights were overbooked and you got separated from the group? I actually ended up being advised to book outwith the university travel agent and claim the relevant portion back via expenses (but my university doesn't use Key Travel, so no idea what they can or can't manage).

If it helps at all I work in a large University and people have partners and family members join their trips all the time without it being a reasonable adjustment - it's just a good way of tacking on a city break for the rest of the family.

What we usually do is give the finance team a 'heads up' and either get the individual to get two quotes (one for just them travelling and staying, and one for the whole group) then submit the receipts but only claim the amount that would have been charged for the individual or talk to their airline and hotel and see if they can do the bookings separately. Although Key Travel are the preferred supplier (and they're actually quite good at complicated group bookings) you should check if they have to be used.

Have a chat with your finance dept and Key and go from there. It's really not an unusual thing to do, I'd be very surprised if you were the first to ask them!

Many thanks for the responses

@skkyelark we have to book via Key Travel. There is no option to pay and then claim it back anymore. I’m probably looking at the money from work only covering half of the hotel so there shouldn’t be a problem with flights as we’ll be paying/booking them ourselves.

@Gliblet yes, Key Travel
have to be used, but I don’t think I would need all the names on the booking Thanks for the advice on getting two quotes. That would make sense. The problem I have is that it’s a rural
area so I only have the option of a few hotels.

We ordinarily have to book with the university provider as well, but we have an exceptions process, which is what they used in my case. However from what @Gliblet says, it sounds like Key Travel are more able to cope with this sort of thing, so hopefully you won't have to jump through those hoops!

Two quotes is how I did it as well.

Deleted as op had answered question I was asking.

We too have exceptions to booking with Key Travel (who are an absolute nightmare and add considerably to costs so I'd go for the exceptions if you can).

It may also be worth checking to see whether your university has any schemes to support you. Mine will fund up to (I think) £750 for additional care needed to support travel as part of Athena Swan.

As noted by others, I do this just to have my family get a trip! I also ask for quotes with/without the extra and use this as evidence. We don't use Key Travel, but our Uni's supplier is able to charge a portion to the Uni (what the quote was without the family) and then sends me a link to pay via credit card for the rest. Last summer the family trip was actually cheaper, so I didn't pay any extra (they got some kind of family deal on airfare and hotel, so three people were less than me travelling alone...)

When we've done this sort of thing the university pays going rate for the kind of room my DH would have booked, we pay the difference and all our airfares. The university doesn't have to fork out anything they otherwise wouldn't have.

some grants / conferences pay childcare / child travel costs if you have to bring your children to an event. and also contribute to carer costs for conference travel etc. so you might well be able to get the university or the grant to contribute to the full expenses for the whole family, not just your travel.

some examples

https://bscb.org/competitions-awardsgrants/travel-bursaries/childcare-award/#:~:text=The%20BSCB%20now%20accepts%20applications,%2C%20conferences%2C%20workshops%20and%20courses.

https://www.embo.org/funding/lecture-travel-and-childcare-grants/childcare-grants/

you could ask if your university covers similar costs.

I also think you seem very apologetic about something that is quite normal in every uni I’ve worked in. I’m sorry you’re not in a more sympathetic workplace. Occupational health might also be helpful here - I’ve been on the other side (line manager) and their detailed list of required actions was helpful to both me and staff member.

To be honest, I think you shouldn’t have to fund it all yourself. DCs yes but the carer should be paid via university - reasonable adjustment and clearly needed. Do you have a staff equity and inclusion officer or similar role?