Ph.D. upgrade anxiety

[ravenia]

Good day, wise people who have been through this before

I have my Ph.D. upgrade viva this week and I'm absolutely bricking it. Have a history of extreme anxiety and depression so my supervisor's assurance that it will be fine is kind of not really cutting it. Supervisor is certain it will be an easy pass, but I'm so nervous that I can't see that happening.

I have my transfer report and chapters all post-it notes for reference, A3 printouts of diagrams/tables, a list of errors (typos mainly), slides for presentation (and a script for the slides in case I blank), and steps written out for my proposed data analysis, and I've made index cards with bullet point answers for most common questions.

Is there anything I've forgotten to prep, or anything more I can do to put the nerves to rest? I just really don't want to make a fool of myself - both in front of the examiners, and with other people if I have to admit I failed. I can only imagine the sobbing wreck I'll be for the final viva if I'm reacting like this to "just" the upgrade.

You sound really well prepared.

Try to think about it this way: these are 'critical friends' who want you to do well. They will have read the materials in fine detail. Most academics aren't read in such detail post-PhD. These will be people well-versed in your research, and this is a GIFT.

To talk to a couple of people who have read your research-in-progress in such detail is a rare gift and a privilege.

At my place, students can ask to have their supervisor present. Would this help?

You can also ask to take breaks.

If you don't understand a question, ask them to clarify it. I am the queen of long questions - a student asking me to explain always helps me clarify what I'm really asking them.

But you will be fine!!!!! Just talk about your research. And breathe.

Thank you - I hope my examiners are as nice!

For us the supervisor's presence is mandatory, so at least I know I'll have a friendly face. I like your idea of reframing it as a privilege to speak to these people - I think my brain went into immediate threat mode, so seeing it as a favour rather than them being out to "get me" will help

Nooooo, they won't want to "get" you. They may probe, but this is to make the work better.

No sane academic wants his/her own PhD students to fail, nor for other PhD students in the department to fail. They want the work to pass at external examination and viva.

This is a rehearsal for your viva. They WANT you to present good work!

Good luck!

Update: I PASSED!!

The board was very nice, very encouraging, and their comments (yes, they did probe) were not in the "this is awful, you made a mistake" style, but more like "this could be better like this, you seem to be a bit shaky on X theory". Supervisor's feedback was that they were very positive - in fact they told me as soon as I walked in that they were leaning towards a pass and just wanted a chat about the work and how to improve it.

so relieved!

Congratulations to you!

Sounds great - and absolutely normal. Now take charge of your research - make yourself the world expert on your topic.