Partner being bullied

[HappyWorkingMummy]

Posting here on behalf on my wife (an academic) who is being bullied by line manager at university.

I won't go into it but she is being singled out for less favourable treatment, not supported, ignored, OH adjustments not being adhered to (manager actively going against them), manager telling lies even in formal settings, breaching confidentiality and so much more.

This isn't the first time she has been bullied by a manager. All evidenced in writing.

Anyone else been in this situation?

What did you do?

Any advice?

Phone ACAS or speak to her Union if she belongs to one.

Thanks.

She has considered it but the reality is pursuing this formally feels a bit hopeless. I think we all know how HR works and how grievances go. So much in favour of the senior colleague/s and all of the stress along the way.

There is a mountain of evidence against the manager and the university.

I'm keen to learn about others' experiences and also about managing the situation practically so I can best support her.

If she doesn't want to actually change the situation by taking action then perhaps looking for another position would be prudent or retraining or getting counselling in order to process the experience.

All the best

Thank you.

She does want to change the situation and take action. But she is also very aware how biased HR are and how flawed grievance processes are. And of course with all of the stress involved as the bullied person with a target on her back for speaking up about significant problems.

She is wondering about managing the situation without creating extra stress for herself.

You sound very fatalistic. What do you hope to hear?

Does your DW belong to a union? I left UCU for my own reasons but I have seen all the unions at my place get good results. And you say your DW has written evidence

Her LM lying about her in formal situations already sounds very stressful. It sounds awful and I am very sorry it’s happening, but I don’t see how it can be resolved without some stress. If DW doesn’t belong to a union she could start by calling ACAS. No one is going to force her into a fight she doesn’t want.

Thank you for replying.

Not fatalistic, just realistic having seen how HR and grievances operate at this particular institution.

She is in a union.

I don’t see what she has to lose by consulting her union rep. They are pledged to serve her best interests, not start a bun fight. She retains control

She can't expect anything to happen unless she takes action. It is tough to prove bullying, and the bully will generally not think they are a bully, but if there are witnesses and a written record, she should go to HR.

She could raise a grievance over the OH contraventions

She could consult her institution's EAP

But if she's adamant there is nothing to be done, she needs to think laterally. She could develop some parachutes -

• Get a stonking huge research grant
• Think about developing nurturing support networks within or without her department.
• Get involved in on-campus groups beyond the department
• Get involved in her discipline's scholarly associations and volunteer - find supportive networks in her research discipline

Basically, stop seeking validation from her line manager. She'll never get it: bullies don't see themselves as bullies. Her line manager will have reasons for behaving the way they do.

If your wife just wants somewhere to vent and receive total validation (but probably not much practical advice), she could join & post on the FaceBook group Women in Academia Support Network.

Thanks for all of this.

She isn't seeking and never has sought validation from her line manager (her line manager doesn't perform at all in terms of research, grants etc and her teaching area is very limited and this could be one of the issues behind mistreatment as my partner performs well in all of the above).

Rather than validation from her LM, she is seeking not to be mistreated by her LM. I think these are two different things. She doesn't want or need validation as she's very confident in her career but is being made to feel miserable by this LM.

Will pass your post's info on to her.