How on earth do you have a second baby?

[AgathaAllAlong]

I think I've fucked up my chances of having a second baby and I want to ask how fellow academics managed it.

I got accidentally pregnant during my PhD. Tough, but essentially fine - it's a non-lab subject so I had a year off then went back managing my own time for two years. I've since graduated and I'm on my first postdoc. The thing is I just don't seem able to secure long enough contracts, they're all six months, or up to a year, and I just don't see how I can have another baby. I'd either have to have a baby between contracts, and I don't think I could easily return to academia with the gap in publishing and gap in contract, or I could wait until I get a 3 year post, going off on maternity half way through. But that is also risky and anyway my older child could well be 7 or even 8 by the time that happens, and really I want two children closer together in age. I guess in theory I could get a 6 month job while already pregnant, but it seems shitty and potentially reputation-ruining in a small industry. DP earns fuck all, and couldn't support us.

How on earth do you have babies on precarious employment?

I didn't! Just too insecure, impossible.

This is where I'm leaning too! It's a shame as in theory could afford it, and my DC would love a sibling.

It is pretty common in my circles, just for reasons of later starts on family because of the insecurity. Well done for managing during the PhD - it may just be that you'll have a larger age gap, which is also a fine way of doing it.

I trusted that I would find some sort of job, and just went for it. I desperately wanted two children and knew that I was highly skilled, and it probably wouldn’t be a disaster (with DH earning too). It worked out ok!

I guess what I’m saying is that ‘two children plus non academic job’ was worth more to me than ‘one child and another postdoc’ . It did work out ok and I’m a lecturer now thoigh

I had a lecture position but I also worked through the mat leave so I sat writing whenever baby napped. It was tough but it meant when I got back I had articles under review. I also collected data which was tough because I'm a social scientist so it meant trying to do interviews with participants with a screaming baby in hand or organizing them all for the evening when dh would have to take baby.

I've also been told that my second child will be the 'death knell' for my career..that was a fun mentoring session when I was 8 months pregnant 😁

I left academia (some time ago) and worked in industry in a permanent job - a part of that decision was for maternity rights. Also, DH earned (& earns) significantly more than I did and do.
I’ve returned to academia later in life and am now in cycles of short term ECR contracts surrounded by younger profs at a time when I can manage that.

On the one hand, if you had a 12 month break between contracts (eg if one contract ended during your pregnancy and you didn't get another til post mat leave) I don't think it would actually make you less employable. Its hardly long enough to be out of touch, you would probably do a bit of work finishing papers anyway, and in terms of fellowships etc with eligibility limits, it would count as a career break. Honestly, it seems longer to you than to anyone else.

However under that plan you wouldn't get maternity pay.

I waited til I had a permanent contract to have mine - I am pretty unproductive post kids so this was probably wise! But realise that's not an option for you and you are probably younger and more vigorous than me so will cope fine!

Honestly I wish that I had done this! I was young (26) and very optimistic about doing the PhD alongside a baby when I got accidentally pregnant with DC1, I wish I had planned this all a bit better as I just didn't think beyond the PhD. I suspect that deep down I didn't really think I would succeed academically, so maybe it was enough to get the PhD and get a non -academic job. Now in my early 30s with a permanent job looking a good few postdocs away I'm really not sure what to do.

The idea of just doing it anyway even if it means no mat leave is interesting - unfortunately DP earns fuck all compared to even my postdocs. I guess I could save like hell, but the fear is always there - what if I don't get another job after?

Did you leave academia and then go back, or did you carry on?

I always said that if I had to choose between being a mother and being an academic I would choose being a mother, so when DC1 came along it felt right. But now honestly (and I would never admit this in real life!) I find the joy and satisfaction I get out of even very minor academic successes to not really be comparable to anything else. So I think overall I'm probably better off with one child and an academic job. I just wish I didn't have to choose !

I wrote a fellowship while on Mat leave and it got funded, so I got a proleptic lectureship as a result

This is ok! We are all different. I know exactly what you mean about work. Aren’t we lucky to do jobs we love

Can your husband be the primary care provider?