Feel like don't deserve my phd

[helpplease20]

My corrections were confirmed this week but I feel terrible. I feel like I don't deserve it and I have done something deeply wrong in the thesis.

I realised that I had not put that I used transcription service for interviews and I need to correct this. I'm not sure how to do this?

I was a lone mum for most of my phd and feel like I have probably cut so many corners.

I feel sick and depressed at the moment, I've been struggling to eat and sleep all night and my partner is so sick of me I can't talk to him about it anymore. I don't know what to do.

Professor here.

let it go. Your supervisor/s have read the document before it was submitted and hopefully numerous other times.

you sound depressed and exhausted and for some reason this has chosen to fixate on the thesis.

What she said.

You're effectively saying that your supervisors and viva panel were so inexperienced they passed you incorrectly. Do you really think that is the case? Of course you don't.

What's the plan now you've done the corrections? Congratulations!

That seems like a really minor thing. You still did the research, analysed the findings etc? I would also let it go. You deserve your PhD and no one will want the extra admin. Congratulations!

I’m not sure this is unusual after a PhD. I certainly felt the same. I think it’s because you get so hyped up for the viva and then that’s not the end, because almost everyone has corrections to do. I felt very flat indeed for a long time (didn’t help that one of the examiners took 6 months to sign off the corrections).
It’ll take a while to sink in, but congratulations, you are now Dr Helpplease20.

Congratulations on getting your PhD. it is a big achievement and I'm sure you deserve it. The examiners don't just pass people for fun.

completing a PhD (especially in the UK) is often a bit of a let-down. the viva is just you & some examiners, and then the final result arrives as an ordinary email. So it is hard to work up the energy to celebrate.

has an email gone around the department announcing your success? Are there other people you know from your PhD department, either students or other junior researchers? Why not invite a small group for drinks or cake to celebrate the end of the PhD? you deserve it.

Congratulations Dr Parietal.

IME most people with PhD's are ordinary folk who had the perseverance to keep going and submit their thesis.

It's often an anti climax after all that work.

Not everyone passes. You deserve it.

Another Professor here (waves). Don't worry at all. It's absolutely fine to use transcription services. The thinking, the analysis, the writing were all yours. Congratulations.

If you need more reassurance please do speak to your supervisors. And yes it is normal to feel shell shocked afterwards. In the UK passing is a bit of a damp squib - in other countries they have a really big party!

thanks everyone

@Igmum i think i am going to ask to speak to one thats a good idea

I would mention it to your supervisor but I would honestly say ‘I forgot to list the transcription service in the methodology, can I jsut add it now or do I need to let the examiners know?’

its fine to use this sort of service.

I’ve supervised 5 PhD students and all of them get post thesis blues

Congratulations!

Just remember that a PhD is essentially training in research - I know many of us feel like it is our life's work at the time but the thesis is often juat a hoop to jump through to demonstrate you are now an independent researcher. When you have had some down time you can think about whether to publish some or all of it and make any changes you want.

But as others have said - ypur supervisors deemed it fit for submission and your peers examined and passed it. Just don't make any changes to the final version they haven't requested or agreed to. You can always talk to your internal examiner about thia as tbeir role is usually 'good' cop.

@Mytholmroyd

Thank you, I already did the viva corrections, the examiners passed it and i submitted to the library but now I am panicking!

I find my internal reviewer easiest to talk to so will reach out after the weekend.

Honestly if you’ve already submitted to the library then leave it. It’s fine and nothing to worry about

I agree with @bge - if your final version has gone in it's done. It's fine! Your internal will have approved the corrections. But if it is really preying on your mind go and talk to them and I am sure they will set your mind at rest.

A PhD is a great achievement in perseverance, self belief and resilience especially with small children - I know, I had two and then wrote up after giving birth to a third and it was bloody difficult and I had an acute attack of imposter syndrome and I nearly threw it all away. Luckily I had a couple of colleagues who got me through it. So give yourself a big pat on the back and stop feeling like a fraud!

I don't know what discipline you are in - I am a scientist and a professor and have supervised quite a few students but probably not in your field. But if you ever want an independent mentor message me - happy to help if I can!

Totally normal in my experience!
the closer I got the shittier I felt and by the end I didn’t feel I deserved any of it. My two friends are the same. It took a while to settle and accept. I was burnt out and knackered. Go easy on yourself. You’ve done it. You’re amazing and eventually you’ll own it, might just take a while. Well done x

Listen to everyone here OP. The issue isn't with your work. That's been scrutinised and passed. Look into yourself about how you can now give yourself actual credit for doing the phd, raising your family etc., well done. I hope you get to a place where you can celebrate soon.

I did my own transcription but i had someone to read for grammar as I'm dyslexic. It felt like a cheat, but as others said upthread, the thinking was mine.

Me again. Can I be really tough love ish here?

you’ve acknowledged in your opening post how run down and exhausted you are. You aren’t in a good headspace. It feels almost easier for your tired mind I think to fixate on a tangible, confined “thing” you’ve decided to focus on - than do the messy hard work of beginning to chisel at what really is causing you to feel so depleted and to think of ways of fixing that. The “I used transcription services” is I think becoming a proxy to fixate on.

Numerous academics are repeatedly telling you this isn’t a thing - and to let it go. So what might happen if you did let it go? You’d then need to figure out the roots of why you’re feeling so low, so exhausted and how to begin to repair all that.

Did your PhD supervisor literally rewrite each & every chapter of your thesis?
I know someone did that for his student & similar levels of effort for other students who passed.