What would you have done?

[Stillwondering123]

NC for this thread

Awhile back I was on a long term teaching contract at a prestigious university in North America, in a male-dominated School with a fairly useless Head.

One of the few other women had recently been promoted to Associate Professor with tenure at a young age and great things were expected of her.

One day I was photocopying handouts for my lecture with not much time to spare, and she came in and asked to use the machine. I asked how many copies she needed to make. She did not answer, but repeated her question. Around we went, probably three times.

At that point she grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away from machine, interrupted my job and removed my materials. I was frozen in shock. After collecting myself I left the room and gave the lecture without my handouts. (This was before we recorded lectures to a VLE).

I ran the episode by a trusted older woman colleague also on a long term teaching contract. Possibly because of the power differential, possibly because of fear that someone who would do this would not hesitate to lie about it, certainly because we were both concerned for the woman’s MH (not just because of this) we decided that the best thing was to drop it.

If it matters, public records make it possible to date the event to within a month or so, and I still remember what she was wearing.

If I had been offered a glimmer of an apology that would have genuinely been the end of it. I never felt that I was in harm’s way. Yet it still leaves a bad taste. What would you have done?

Bump? I am asking because I think I have generally not been assertive enough and it has hurt my career. Now a good opportunity has come up but there is a difficult person in the environment. It would really help if the wise women of MN could help me calibrate an episode from my past. TIA

Mistake 1) ‘I won’t be long I only have 10
more copies to make’
Mistake 2) Repeating the question - she clearly want going to answer you.
Mistake 3) I would’ve asked her ‘what are you doing?’ When she grabbed you.
Mistake 4) I would’ve reported it immediately to a senior college and wrote a report signed and dated.

Im not sure why you think you have ruined your career? I think you need to maybe practice some assertiveness.

That incident was all about her behaviour and if she treats people like that often she will get found out.
If you have a good opportunity now, don't let some other difficult person stop you. There are probably difficult people in most workplaces (and usually most of the others don't know what to do about them).
For your own satisfaction you could do a role play and tell the cushion what you wished you'd told the rude copier-pusher at the time.
Your reasons for not complaining at the time sound valid and you probably behaved like any startled normal person.
You could treat the new difficult person like an interesting scientific subject rather than your problem.

So much for the NC.

Thank you, @Threetulips. I am glad you think it was worthy of a report. Although I feel sure she would have denied it.

I’ve lost my confidence from several episodes like this, though thankfully not physical. But I have a new, noteworthy string to my bow now and a good opportunity. The question is whether it is worth the difficult people. I am fortunate in that I don’t need to base my decision in finances

Thank you, @CherrySocks - I especially like the idea of treating difficult people as scientific experiments (there is one awful one and there are a couple of unpleasant ones)

She sounds hideous. I would have said no when she asked to use the machine or told her to wait five minutes. What an aggressive nasty piece of work.
i am thinking about moving institutions but the one I have my eye on has a number of people that I have found very unpleasant, partly due to how they act at conferences and partly how they act on social media. It’s very tempting to just stay put where I am now because at least all my colleagues are fundamentally decent. I just can’t be doing with any of that crap.

Thank you, @GCandproud . Your decision doesn’t sound easy. I have always regretted choosing the institution in question over a less prestigious but still very fine one with a better vibe. Of course that isn’t to say your circumstances are similar or that the same decision would be right for anyone else

I imagine I would have said "That was uncalled for" and made a mental note to view her as unstable in future. Don't think i would have made a formal complaint, either, and certainly not 15 years later.

Thanks @MedSchoolRat . Not thinking of making a complaint at this late date.