Late Friday conference - feeling guilty

[goingpearshaped]

In a few months I have a late night Friday conference. Now online, should have been an in person Australia trip. So now we are having to login at 10.30pm on a Friday night to listen to three 20 min presentations in the symposium and do a live Q&A. This will be around 1130-midnight! I have said no to the Q&A but feeling really bad. Would you? I have so much running around for the children that night with a late night ballet class and guides, by the time I get the kids to bed it will be around 10.15. No way could I then sensibly join this. Am I just being crap?

I think this is coming from a sense of work taking over our lives too much of late too and I resent it.

It's all on Aus time, I should have said that...

Hmm, tricky one. I have a colleague in Aus who has done multiple conference talks for European meetings at 3 or 4am Aus time, which is much harder. And I'm sure all researchers in Australia have encountered the same - everything is set to Europe time and they have to work silly hours.

I think they've done well to find you a timeslot that is not between 1am and 6am, so you could probably manage it. but do try to take a morning to sleep late or similar 'in lieu'.

Essentially, imagine you were doing the trip in person to Australia? how much family time / sleep time would you lose in all that travelling? surely saving that travel time means you can spare a bit here.

This is, of course, assuming that you want to be part of the conference and make connections with the people there etc.

Thanks @parietal, I don't need the connections as it's all online. I go to this conference f2f normally so suitably connected. Good point though.

Ah, I don't know maybe I am being rubbish. I am just so done with work taking over everything in a general fashion. I won't get s lie in ( ha, I have a daughter to get to her school bus for 7 or sat activity). DH at work.

Feels a bit like I need to start looking after myself ATM MH wise and I think this was one of the final straws so perhaps an unfair ask.

I get the work taking over life and wanting to put up boundaries. Could you offer a recorded talk instead? Get your fellow panelists to swap papers beforehand so your talk refers to theirs and vice versa? Certainly offer to follow up people's questions via email.

Thanks @reshetima, I am just really down about work at the moment in particular which does not help. Yes, I am just finalising the slides for the recorded talk so that part is done. It's the live Q&A. Also offered to follow up via email and will send on talk to other speakers so they can see in advance if they wish.

It is the boundaries. Even Ht leave meant work last week as so much on and could not go out due to bloody covid in the house again (every single school hol this year). It's a mix of all of this I think. thank you

I would have done it - but then I cant say no!

and if you had been there in person, how would you have got DD to ballet!

Given the conference is still a few months away, I personally think it's acceptable to pull out.

I would either a) say you can only do the talk, not the Q&A or b) make DH take the children to ballet - it’s far enough in the future that he could organise that?
Which one I did would depend on how important it could be for my career, I thinj

Think

On a scale of 1-10 how important is this conference to you personally, and to your career development? If it's less than a 9 drop it.

That's my advice! And if you manage to do that please let me know how as I still take on too much

THanks all, Less than 9, I am doing the recording. DH is working and cannot take time off (he is off now due to covid and cannot WFH at all, they are not happy). He is totally happy to take DC to things, just his work are not flexible! If I had gone, I would have arranged for him to take leave months ago and/or sorted with my parents to have kids. Not possible on either count now for various reasons. I am dropping it, a sign of other things I think and thank you for other things.