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Original poster

Feeling very down while finishing phd

13 replies

hatemyphd · 15/02/2022 12:55

I'm approaching end of year three. I have a draft and going through rewriting chapters from feedback. I hate my phd, I think its crap. I don't want anyone to read it ever. I've spent most of my phd as a lone parent so have been working full time alongside to pay for nursery as stipend was not enough, so I have not been able to put my all in it. I keep thinking about my awful professional mistakes prior to my phd and worrying that everything is going to come back to haunt me. My LO keeps asking me when I'm going to finish and I feel so bad. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
aridapricot · 15/02/2022 13:46

I think if you have a full draft at this stage you are in a good position. Yes the constant re-writing and re-drafting can be depressing - personally it is the part I hate the most when working on a research project, but I have to say, for me things generally get better as the draft is starting to fall into place. Also - remember that a PhD doesn't have to be perfect, or even publishable as it is. It just has to be a "contribution to knowledge", and most of these contributions will be (understandably!) quite small. You can always develop the whole thing or chunks of it for publication at a later stage if you are interested in doing so.

DontAskIDontKnow · 15/02/2022 13:52

Just keep going. Get it good enough and then submit.

It’s not meant to be the pinnacle of your life’s work. It’s just meant to show that you have learnt to do research and can contribute.

parietal · 15/02/2022 22:25

A PhD is a curious qualification because it is pass (or fail which is v rare). In the UK, there is no mark of Distinction for an extra good PhD. So you want to write a document that is good enough to pass, and then you have the tick on your CV and can move on. It does not have to be perfect and it does not have to be a masterpiece, it just has to be finished.

Keep going and you will get there.

LaChanticleer · 15/02/2022 22:43

I hate my phd, I think its crap

This is absolutely normal. Can you take a break from it? A proper break - say, 2 weeks. Get some perspective.

Do you trust your supervisors? Maybe book in a final review with your first & 2nd supervisors, and do a practice viva. Something to get you back to the heart of your intellectual curiosity - the thing that got you started on it 3 years ago.

SnakeLinguine · 15/02/2022 22:45

I think that’s practically a compulsory stage in doctoral work, OP! And what everyone else said about ‘good enough’. Good luck.

HardbackWriter · 15/02/2022 22:49

I felt exactly like that at the end of my third year - and I had a lot fewer other pressures on me than you do as a single parent. And you seem close to finishing in three years even though you're working full-time?! So many people take much longer while working full-time on the PhD. I think you sound amazing!

What's your relationship with your supervisor like? If at all possible I'd try and mentally outsource the evaluation of whether it's 'good enough' to them - obviously you need to do what you think is best in redrafting, they can't do that for you, but don't think about whether or not the thesis overall is 'crap'. You're far too close to it to know anyway.

The best thesis is a done thesis. Good luck - you're so close, you can do it!

bibliomania · 16/02/2022 11:23

Entirely normal from my experience and those of others I've heard about. It's as if you have to get to the point of hating it so much that you submit it just to get it out of your sight for a bit.

Original poster
hatemyphd · 18/02/2022 17:17

Thanks everyone! I took a break for a few days this week for half term and am feeling a bit better, am just worried its all going to fall apart

OP posts:
DuesToTheDirt · 18/02/2022 17:27

I felt mine was crap. Maybe it was, who knows? It got me a PhD, anyway, and that's enough. If your supervisor thinks you're on track you'll be fine.

notagainnotagain · 18/02/2022 17:27

I have a PhD. It wasn't spectacular, or stunning or brilliant.

It was ok and therefore I passed.

You could endlessly edit. Or you could decide it's good enough and submit it, then work on any corrections you are given.

Teenagetrouble · 19/02/2022 12:28

Ok this might sound silly - but write a sign with Dr. ‘Your name’ and put it somewhere in the house where you work. That’s what you are aiming for and you just have to plough through this stage (seems to be horrible for most, certainly was for me).

Aimee1987 · 19/02/2022 13:14

I reread my PhD intro recently ( submitted 5 years ago) and dear God it is a piece of shit but unless you make some really exceptional finding it's relatively rare for anyone to read your thesis.

Our moto towards the end was finished not perfect. 3 of us submitted together and all our Facebook posts on submission day was us standing by our motto at the whiteboard in our office.

You can do it. The final hurdle is hard but your nearly there

WaltzingBetty · 19/02/2022 13:22

@hatemyphd

Thanks everyone! I took a break for a few days this week for half term and am feeling a bit better, am just worried its all going to fall apart
The PhD system is archaic. It's such a subjective assessment.

Mine thesis was pretty shit (lots of personal issues) and my examiners tore it apart at viva. I'm having to resubmit and re-viva Sad I've now got 3 published papers out of and am hoping to get a couple more after resubmission but I'm still worried I'll fail the viva as they hated it so much last time.

I'm utterly sick to death of it despite actually enjoying my research subject and learning a lot from it. But the re-editing and anxiety is awful Thanks

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