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Original poster

Is anyone else just really, really knackered?

33 replies

KittyBurrito · 16/10/2021 18:01

I've done 50 hour weeks, sometimes more, for so long now. Every time I stop, I realise how exhausted I am. I know I'm lucky to have a job at all, but it's just relentless. Is anyone else feeling the same?

OP posts:
Obakarama · 16/10/2021 19:10

Yes, and term only just started.

Original poster
KittyBurrito · 16/10/2021 20:00

I've been working flat out all summer supporting students who had major extensions, and admin work. I feel now like I usually do at Xmas!

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damekindness · 16/10/2021 21:34

It's not just the exhaustion and volume of work it's the feeling of doing everything either averagely or badly that's for me the hardest. It's hard to be proud of any output

Igmum · 16/10/2021 22:02

Yes. Plus the incessant meetings. I used to be able to say that I was busy/not on campus that day. Now it's assumed I am permanently available. And you can fit so many more meetings in.

GCAcademic · 16/10/2021 22:06

Yes, there has been no downtime or time for research over the last two summers. People unable to use their annual leave. The goodwill that was there a year ago has completely evaporated and staff are burnt out.

Original poster
KittyBurrito · 17/10/2021 07:48

It sounds like there are quite a few people in the same boat here. What are you all doing to stay well , mentally and physically?

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Original poster
KittyBurrito · 17/10/2021 07:49

@damekindness and @igmum Snap to both!

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Aimee1987 · 17/10/2021 08:10

I'm feeling the same. I feel like I'm failing and just spend my time putting out fires rather than actually doing a good job. I want to enjoy my weekends with my toddler as I barely see him during the week but I'm so tired I just want to cry. And I have a constant headache which is not helping / probably caused by stress.
I want to say I'm looking forward to some down time at Christmas but I already know the marking is pilling up.

Original poster
KittyBurrito · 17/10/2021 08:29

I'm so sorry to hear that @Aimee1987 That's grim.

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damekindness · 17/10/2021 09:45

I had an open day yesterday and it annihilated me - came home and just collapsed for the evening. I think the effort of having to be overwhelmingly upbeat finished me off 😂

I'm trying very hard to maintain work/life boundaries and to stop saying yes to everything. The longer we paper over the cracks in the name of being student centred the more the system will break us. Never known so many off with stress as we have had this year

Original poster
KittyBurrito · 17/10/2021 10:02

I've also started saying no @damekindness. Mentors have been telling me to do so for a long time. But boy, the guilt trips colleagues give you when you do try to say no! So many battles and such bad feeling - they make you feel like a naughty child having a tantrum, rather than adult maintaining healthy boundaries. Chronic 'mission creep' has just become so normal.

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GCAcademic · 17/10/2021 10:04

Oh yes, the Open Days. Four of them on Saturdays this term.

Original poster
KittyBurrito · 17/10/2021 10:12

Oof having to put your game face on when your exhausting is tough. And I am guessing those doing weekend Open Days haven't been offered TOIL?

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GCAcademic · 17/10/2021 10:23

I am the HoD so am telling our admissions tutor to take TOIL as they have to attend all of them. I am also attending all of them, but my diary is so full up until the end of term that there are no days off for me to take!

Original poster
KittyBurrito · 17/10/2021 11:10

That's good of you @GCAcademic. I really wish we could opt for TOIL or pay for all the overtime we've done in the past 2 years! May I ask whether, as HoD, you ever feel complicit in all of this? I have a comparable role and I often do.

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Original poster
KittyBurrito · 17/10/2021 11:16

But then I remind myself that if someone occupied the role who didn't worry about complicity in overwork and underpay, that would be worse.

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Original poster
KittyBurrito · 17/10/2021 11:35

I wonder what you are all doing to recuperate at weekends, and get through to Xmas in one piece?

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GCAcademic · 17/10/2021 11:36

@KittyBurrito

But then I remind myself that if someone occupied the role who didn't worry about complicity in overwork and underpay, that would be worse.
That's how I feel. We have a particularly corporate and exploitative culture at my university; I see myself as the person who stands between that and my team. I can't stop it but I can try to minimise it. I can't get overtime payments for staff for things like open days, and they're not officially allowed TOIL, but I can at least offer TOIL under the radar.
qudylogra · 17/10/2021 13:17

What does TOIL mean in practice? The problem we have is that there is just so much work that has to be done within a certain time frame. Of course it's possible for somebody to Monday or Friday off in lieu of doing open days, but the bulk of the work still needs to get done by the same deadlines.

As another person in a senior leadership position I also see myself as somebody trying to get decent decisions made for my disciplines. But that attitude certainly means that I won't make it up to the top.

DinkBoo · 10/11/2021 17:20

Me!

3 years of unemployment, then straight into a really heavy teaching workload. I was hired to cover two modules in areas I love, then had two more added in that have nothing to do with my specialisms (contract started Friday before intro week).

I'm working 11 hour days with no breaks, and at weekends, and I'm so behind.
Teaching 3 modules this term, supposed to be prepping a 4th for next term, but no time to do it. Marking starts coming in next week and then doesn't stop still summer.

I took this last weekend off as the exhaustion was starting to impact my teaching. I was almost sleep walking through seminars. But now I'm screwed.

Constantly annoyed and frustrated that it's made impossible for me to do a good job. Constantly telling students I don't have time to help them properly, and teaching things I haven't had time to prep properly.

And it's a short term contract so it's going to impact my employability (laughs hollowly at idea of employability after 3 years of unemployment).

GCAcademic · 12/11/2021 22:03

Has anyone ever resigned from a HoD role? I’m sitting here on a Friday night in tears and feeling totally emotionally battered by all the shit I’ve had thrown at me since the start of term. I’ve barely been in the role five minutes and I can’t handle it. This isn’t why I went into academia, and I just want to go back to being a rank and file academic and not have to put up with this shit for another three years.

How bad would it be to resign from the role after a matter of a few months? I’m not a quitter and thought I was pretty resilient, but the stress is just breaking me and there is no support at work. The circumstances in my department are quite specific, difficult and unprecedented, which makes me feel responsible for getting us through this, but I’m not sure that it is worth the personal cost. I’ve been in the job over twenty years and have not experienced anything close to as bad as this.

aridapricot · 12/11/2021 22:43

Oh @GCAcademic I am so sorry to hear this. I don't have any great words of advice - a few years ago I had a HoS who resigned but rather because they were "invited to do so", as he had alienated several other members of staff, so an entirely different situation.
Could you offer to stay e.g. until Christmas, and keep the most urgent things ticking over until then? Is there an obvious replacement among your colleagues? (difficult to believe as it is for me, some people seem to thrive as HoD) Obviously the main thing here is to think about your wellbeing, but from what you say it sounds as if you'd be uncomfortable with just "jumping ship" (I'd be the same!) - maybe if you could approach your line manager with some kind of succession plan in place that might make things easier?

GCAcademic · 12/11/2021 22:58

Thanks so much for replying @aridapricot

There is no obvious successor, unfortunately. I work in a small unit, and all the Professors (and, hence, the people who might have supported me through this) are on research leave. I feel completely isolated as the other colleagues are mostly probationers (which adds to my workload as they are light loaded; I’m having to do another major Director role as well as HoD). I just want to step down now. There is some horrendous shit going on, which may well die down around February, but I just don’t think I can push through these next weeks. I’m worried that I’m going to let people down and screw my professional reputation, though. I’ve never come across someone resigning from the role, never mind this soon into the contract.

DinkBoo · 13/11/2021 08:38

FlowersFlowersFlowers @GCAcademic, obviously I have no advice, but please put yourself first and don't try to shoulder an unbearable burden. It won't help anyone in the long term.

I had my month in PDR with my Hod a couple of weeks ago and he looked like he was on the brink of tears several times talking about his workload and stress. I don't think our meeting achieved anything beyond giving him a half hour break from the worst of it.

FlowersFlowersFlowers

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 13/11/2021 11:18

@GCAcademic this is a terrible year, my HoD says this is the worst start to a term he's ever had, and he's an experienced HoD having been one in three universities, so it isn't you, it is them, it is the situation. You have to protect yourself though. I think seeking support higher up and making it clear that you will simply have to go off with stress if no resolution is found is the way to go. I know our admin roles have been redistributed and more support staff used for this reason. Ultimately though, these are shit times and you have to put yourself first. Who cares what anyone thinks anyway if you are quite close to the brink? I think (I hope) recognition of the stress of senior roles in a pandemic is starting to happen...