Introduce me to the realities of the academic brain

[greencrackerunderthesettee]

I'm late 40s, working in NHS, hugely enjoying my role but full of questions about impact of our good intentions on our patients which I would love to pursue via research.
I've been talking through the possibility of pursuing funding for a PhD with our research dept and some contacts who supervise PhDs. Both are surprisingly positive - though of course it's easy to be encouraging to someone who seems excited by the prospect.
Academic background: First; MA (just a Merit); PGCE (I know, doesn't really count); Postgrad Cert last year (again, doesn't really count, though I was one of top students. Sorry, that sounds dreadful, doesn't it?)
I'm keenly aware of the challenges in getting funding, transmuting rough ideas in my notebook into a viable proposal, etc.
Also not seeing this as a route into academia - it would enhance my career and hopefully be of use to my field.
However, what really worries me is that I don't have the level of concentration required. I hugely struggled on the Postgrad Cert last year - not the level required, I wanted to push beyond what was required - but on maintaining focus. My brain is dogged rather than quicksilver, and I only really retain/apply/process information by writing it down and making sense of it myself. I'm not the kind of person who rips through a paper in an hour and then can give a verbal summary. I look back at my finals, sitting still in a room for three hours without flicking on Mumsnet, drinking lots of coffee, doing unnecessary tap cleaning and wonder how I did it.
My fantasy of academics is that you get up at six, eat your crust as the wind blasts through the cloisters, sit down at eight, and only rise again in the evening having demolished another 5,000 words.
Please be softly frank.

That certainly doesn't sound like me. I rise at 10, stumble around until I'm down three cups of coffee then work intermittently until about 8, especially if I'm not going into the office. It very much depends what you're doing. If you're doing lab work, admin or teaching, it's solid work for hours, but with very obvious objectives. Run this experiment, complete that form, get to the end of the class. If you're writing, coding or thinking, you can't force it and it's really tiring. It's better to get up and clean the taps. I can only manage about 2 hours of serious thinking a day, then I have to go and do something mundane like answer emails. Obviously it gets easier if there's a deadline!

Ha ha. I am doing well in academia (permanent job, good papers, funding) and I have the concentration of a goldfish. I work in pomodoros of 25 minutes and try to do 2 poms of thinking per day

I am very good at: ideas, planning projects for students, collaborative working, grant writing. So it is fine if I struggle with dogged concentration.

My brain is dogged rather than quicksilver

Perfect for a PhD. You need to be stubborn and determined. "Brilliance" is over-rated, although of course, you need to be very skilled intellectually, and actually like doing research: thinking, writing ...

Could you get a bit of NHS funding & do something part-time? Of course, part-time may not be possible or advisable - I'm in the humanities not medical science.

I am great at quirky ideas and turning them into computer code. I am rubbish at then writing the finely honed introduction, methods, results and discussion sections. Also in the last year my concentration is shot. I blame the pandemic. I love collaborating with people when I think and they write, but it's not the most conducive approach to career success. And sometimes I disagree with what they write anyway ...

But on the other hand I did have to actually write for my PhD. So I can do it I guess. I also wouldn't employ me if I had a choice, I must be a nightmare to manage. Ha.

I have a similar background to you OP and am currently in the eighth(!) year of a part-time PhD. Hoping to finish this year. Honestly, it is a slog just trying to get bits done here and there. I’ve learnt that I start brightly but find finishing things is my weak point. You need to be a self-motivated finisher of tasks - I though I was as had done so many other qualifications, but really you are drip fed the assignments and deadlines for those.

There are good days and bad weeks and if I was to start again I would do it full-time and take the salary hit

Thanks so much to all of you for such thoughtful (& honest) replies.
I'm encouraged by the admittedly self-selecting sample of 20-120 minutes max to think/write.
@QueenoftheAir, part-time would definitely be an option, and in fact preferable, as I don't want to lose the patient perspective.
@CupcakesK, huge well done. I can only imagine the challenge of sustaining motivation over 8 years, but you are nearly there (though that's a lot easier to write than to appreciate).
It strikes me that (certainly in my day, anyway) we aren't taught what writing, thinking and even learning involve. There's a lot of chatter about learning styles (I believe the evidence on these isn't watertight, anyway). But little on how to process and make sense of what you've learnt. For example, it's taken me years to understand that re-writing what I'm reading isn't a failure, it's just my way of integrating new bits into the existing bits.
I also wasn't taught that writing is 1) hard 2) impossible to focus upon for hours a day 3) all in the edit.
Do you learn how to do a PhD...by doing a PhD? And how do you cope with the lack of structure - set your own goals?

Yes, you very much learn to do a phd while doing a phd. Still not sure I’ve cracked it!

Part-time is hard, I was aiming for 5-6 years but had a baby and some large work commitments on the other part of my job. So here we are 8 years later.

I set goals but often find things take longer than expected and there are many tangents to go and explore along the way. It ends up feeling like a never ending to do list (see attached pic!)

The picture I’ve added comes from the link below. All very funny and accurate comics of phd life
phdcomics.com/comics/most_popular.php

Love the comic, @CupcakesK.
This is tremendously reassuring. I really thought that Phd students were all Mozarts (as in Amadeus, not as in historical fact) - sitting down and emitting words of pure brilliance in a relentless 8-hour blast every day.
I'm the queen of the tangent, in fact should probably amend my username appropriately.
Thank you - and best of luck in finishing.

My boss (Prof) is an airhead. I mean, very clever. But still, airhead in lots of ways. So was Erdős.

I actually find writing the easy part & am surprised when I read on MN (anywhere) that writing is tough. I wonder what others do easily instead (maybe everything).

"full of questions about impact of our good intentions on our patients which I would love to pursue via research."

that sounds like Qual research; which is theory heavy anyway. I try to stay away from Qual research but end up doing some anyway.

There was a sheepish thread on here where someone confessed they actually tracked their hours and realised that their perceived 60 hr weeks had alot of distraction faffing in it. Personally I'm whacked after 6-8 hours of work nowadays. I pulled true 12 hour working shifts when I had physical jobs in catering as a young thing, but 8-10 hours of science, hard thinking, is a grueling day for most.

I have no idea how junior doctors do long shifts, but a lot of their work is recipe-like; follow the protocol & established steps, routines.

@MedSchoolRat worship for your writing skills - please bottle, and sell.

Glad to hear that faffing is a vital part of the academic day. I call it 'my subconscious working in the background'...

Surely writing is a completely different process in different disciplines? Writing up an experiment vs. writing a philosophy article: the thinking happens at different stages.

Indeed @GCAcademic - in the humanities, I tend to think of writing as part of the research process.