Masters degree with a baby - not coping well

[Nell96]

Hello, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but here goes... I started a Masters degree a while ago - it's distance learning and so mostly online and really flexible. I can take up to 5 years to complete it. However, despite this, I'm still finding it really difficult. I studied for a year or so before giving birth to my first child. I received good grades, but took a year out to spend time with my baby. I resumed my studies about four months ago, but am finding it very difficult to get back into the swing of things again. My daughter is 16 months old and i've recently found out that i'm pregnant again. I feel so tired, and am finding it really hard to find the time, energy and motivation to study at the moment. I feel so awful as I have a really supportive husband who is happy to do most of the parenting at the weekends so that I have a big chunk of time to study, but i just find it so difficult to get my head back into again. I feel like i'm just lazy and that I should be doing more during the week - during my baby's 2 hr lunchtime nap or in the evenings after she's gone to bed, but I just feel exhausted. We're looking into sending my little girl to nursery for two mornings a week starting in the New Year, which I think will be a big help, and also massively beneficial to her. But I still worry that my brain just feels so fuzzy and maybe my motivation has just gone. Has anyone else experienced anything similar, or does anyone have any advice or tips for how to study effectively whilst pregnant and looking after a toddler? Thanks

I started a distance learning masters in October. I have 2 and 4yr old DC and dc3 is due in march. I work 3 days a week and no additional childcare.

It's tough going. I do 2-3 hours a night (aim for 6 nights a week) while DC's are asleep. Listen to related podcasts while driving.

It's really important you try to get some time to yourself during that nap; maybe do 1 hours work and 1 hours you time? Then you can do a little in the evening. Also if your dc is able to potter let them do so while you get on with household jobs/work nearby.

It can be exhausting. You don't say what your motivation for starting the masters was- have your plans changed?

I think what you want to do next all depends on what led you to do this Masters in the first place. Is it a career change? Is it needed for your work? Is it just for 'fun'?

If it is something you are absolutely committed to doing, then I think the problem is you aren't doing it regularly enough, so you are losing your train of thought before you even get to sit down, and then you feel lost when you do- mapping out a schedule, even if it's in 15 min chunks, and all you do is re-read to start with, would help with this.

If you are on the fence about continuing, can you seek a deferral or suspension for this year? Or next year?

Thanks both. I started because it's a professional qualification. I've worked in my field for a few years , but I can't really get any further without having obtained the postgraduate diploma (which I would get if I didn't do the masters dissertation). I think another part of the problem is that we've moved to the north west to be close to family, but the job opportunities in my field seem few and far between up here, in comparison to London, where we used to live. So, sometimes it just seems a bit like I'm doing all this work for nothing. But then I suppose there only needs to be one job, and we could move slightly further away if needs be. I think getting into more of a routine is a good idea. I don't think I could manage 6 nights a week, but two or three, plus time at the weekend could work.

I just wanted to sympathise with you and say, be kind to yourself. I am probably much older than you but I'm also doing a Masters, though not to gain a qualification. I have many children, half of them are still at primary and the studying was something 'just for me' when the youngest started school as I love my subject. I also work 3 days a week in a job I'm not good at switching off from, so although I'm way past the baby stage, I do understand how hard it can be to focus and the exhaustion you're experiencing.

I manage your suggestion of 2/3 nights during the week and I do a lot at the weekends. If this is your second year you might be able to finish and get what you need for the Diploma. But as someone else said, you could always defer and return to it, you sound as though you would still be well within the five years. Real life must come first really otherwise you won't be at your best anyway.

It's great you have a supportive partner, that makes all the difference for me personally.
Take care.

Thank you so much for your kind words @ourmutualfriend, I really appreciate it. I've been doing ok this week. I think the key for me is little and often - if I leave it a few days, I find it very difficult to get back into it and focus.

This is similar to my experience. I started a Master's when my daughter was under 2 and I thought I'd have the time. Then I returned to work part time and it became harder to fit in. Then I had my son and took a year out and then during the last year the pandemic hit and grandparents could no longer provide childcare. All in all it took 4 years but I got there in the end, but only because family didn't let me give up (I would have willingly done so at various stages!). I'm now glad I didn't because I have just started a new job directly as a result of having the Masters. It is really tough, but do what you can, when you can. Take the time to rest too and be prepared to accept good enough, and that might also take some of the pressure off. Good luck!

Thanks @abczyx - it is hard, but I'm getting better at doing a little bit most days. I also feel much less tired, which helps too!

I started my masters when my son was 10m old.. I then fell pregnant in December, I'm now doing yr 2 with a 2yr old and a baby!
It's so hard and I often want to give in but it isn't forever and you're working towards your families security.
I have to attend uni 9 days a year and rest is online learning. To be honest I just wing it, I don't read enough, I skim the work and I've no idea how I keep coming out with ok grades.
So I don't actually have any useful advice.. but you're not alone and you CAN do it! Keep going.