Should I resign from this advisory panel?

[inexcessive]

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice. A little while ago I was appointed to an academic advisory panel. I was appointed sort of indirectly as a representative for another organization I occasionally work with. Anyway, I agreed, but having attended a few meetings, it's awful. My own research is slightly tangential to subject in hand so I feel quite out of my depth, the other panel members are very directly focused on this area and all know each other already, I don't think I make particularly useful contributions, and that is not helped because I feel intimidated and totally lacking in confidence. Finally this is made worse as the Chair of the panel is quite honestly not very nice and seems to quite enjoy humiliating me. Should I resign? Or should I (wo)man-up and stick it out? I am not sure what to say if I do resign so soon after being appointed? Thanks in advance if you have any advice!

No brainer

You don’t enjoy and you’re not contributing

Leave. Win win for both parties

aaargh, OK. It feels like a failure and rather humiliating. But I think you're right.

I'm wondering if you're the Chair sodamncold

The chair will no doubt be relieved!

Stay! Your views and input are just as valuable. There is nothing worse then groups like these which lack diversity and turn into some self congratulatory rubber stamp exercise. I’ve seen it many times and your key strength in all this is preventing that happen (and don’t forget to point that out to them!).

Thanks Frariedeamin. It's difficult, I think I COULD potentially contribute it's just that in part the Chair has terrified me into silence - I said something in the last meeting which I genuinely don't think was that embarrassing which he made fun of, followed by sneers from other members. So now part of me just thinks fuck-it, I haven't got time for this, there's not a great deal in it for me, and I don't need my confidence undermined more than it already is. But another small part of me thinks I should stick it out for one or two more meetings, try to make a contribution ... and then resign!

Doesn't sound like a failure to me. Seems like they are (deliberately?) making it very difficult for you. Were they under some kind of pressure to have more people on the board, maybe women, to show how balanced they were or something? Some target that you weren't aware of? If they were an existing group, sounds like they are exhibiting the known thing of Group Closure against you. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't hang around to play in a game you were never intended to win. Can you informally/unofficially run the situation by someone who was involved in you getting onto the board?

It's a pretty even split in terms of gender - I think it's more that they wanted the head of the other organisation I work with, couldn't get him, who suggested me. I can have a chat with him actually, good point. I'm not sure though whether I can ask him whether he thinks that the Chair has the potential to be an arse(ass?)hole.

I was involved in a committee, which had benefits for me in terms of being allowed certain advantages (first in line etc), however, the benefits did not outweigh the negatives.

One guy I worked with on this committee did absolutely fuck-all, messed up things I'd organised, made lame jokes and started goading me on Facebook over our opposing political views. He started posting very right-wing and factually incorrect memes and when I (and others) called him out on them, he started blocking us from seeing his posts.

I realised I was feeling anxious about being part of this committee, and the pressure it put me under, all the time. So I decided to resign. I couldn't tell the Chairperson the real reasons about Toryboy, as I think he would have been binned off in favour of me, so I just stated that my work was becoming too stressful and I 'couldn't give them the attention they deserved'. Worked a treat.

My point is, once I'd resigned, the worry about resigning obviously instantly disappeared, but more importantly my anxiety about being on the committee immediately lifted. It was the most enormous relief.

I'm still good friends with the Chairperson, and have blocked Toryboy on FB. And I feel so so much happier.

Resigning is often scary, but it's usually worth it in the end. Especially if you're being bullied and undermined. Good luck OP x

I think if you approach him, you put feelers out, before you go full on 'he's an arsehole' with him, maybe. Maybe suggest that there may be a personality clash, you're not sure, and see how receptive he is to that? If he shuts you down, you have your answer, and there's no point going any further. Maybe someone with naturally more diplomacy than me can suggest a gentle 'in' for that one.

Thanks so much for your responses everybody. Spongebob, my diplomacy skills are pretty non-existent but I agree, best not to go straight in with the arsehole point - for all I know, they're best mates! They do both have a tendency towards conspicuous parenting come to think of it. (Sorry, sounding very cynical today)!

I’d resign if I were you. It’s not as if you’re getting anything out of it.