Anyone working from home with toddlers?

[lookingouttosea]

I just feel like it's expected that I'm actually able to get work done, as in grading papers, answering emails, dealing with all the panicking students about their online exams, admin...everything...With 2 preschool age children at home. Obviously no creches or grandparents help because of Covid and we are in "lockdown". It's just impossible. They don't leave me alone for a second. TV doesn't work. They're too young to entertain themselves. My husband is working long hours. I work all weekends when he's home. But...ugh...Am I alone? I can't wait for term to end...

You are not alone, parents are juggling struggling and squeezing bits of work in anywhere they can

I'm a mature student but the lecturers have been absolute stars - and we all know they're juggling their kids the same as we are. I do get amused by the online sessions with cups of tea and biscuits appearing from outside shot though and I like having a chance to have a nosy at everyone's wallpaper (and now really want to know what paint colour one of our staff used for their kitchen cos I want it).

Oh god. I have a four year old and a 1.5 year old; a frontline husband; and a higher than usual teaching load including two new modules that I am struggling to put online. It’s so unbelievably awful, isn’t it? I can only work after bedtime, so I have absolutely no downtime at all. I’m exhausted, and I feel like I’m only doing the bare minimum even though it seems to be taking at least twice as long.

It’s probably not helped by seeing all my colleagues appear to be breezing through it on social media, tbh. They are all recording lectures, doing live sessions, having thoughtful discussions about best practices and tech inequality, and all I can do is annotate some slides and post them as a pdf because I just can’t face recording a zippy lecture at 11pm after looking after two toddlers all day.

Just joining to say I'm in the same boat and to send out waves of solidarity

@kuponut my 4 year old managed to muscle in on a video conference with my PG students today to tell me "* has done a pooh and its stinking out downstairs" (her little sister). Very professional :-)

@medb22 I totally know what you mean. All my colleagues are either male, have no children or their children are much older. And they're just so bloody cool calm and collected. I had to make a phone call from my toilet the other day because its the only room with a lock. Oh for a massive house with a home office. I have a permanent headache. And absolutely on the lectures! I keep getting invited to these tech innovative chit chat godknowswhat too and all I could manage was some dodgy narration over a ppt.

Solidarity. My kids are older (primary age) but I'm certainly not breezing through.
The tech innovation chit chats/ piles of reading are just flying past me. I just don't have time to read, absorb, choose and learn a new technology... And I'm supposed to be part time (0.5) but I teach 15 hours a week in the summer term

I have two primary age and they both need constant input/cajoling, I cannot sit them in front of the TV for 8 weeks or however long this is going on, they do need to actually learn something.

My saviour is that DH and I are both part time - we are basically both working 50% now and swapping off the DCs. Today it is my turn for the study and his turn for home ed.

My male colleague did have two under-5s coming in talking about poo the other day, I can't remember if his wife works but she also let him know it was his turn in the shower so that made me feel a bit better!
But my other male colleague had the cheek to tell me "there might be a bit of noise if he recorded a lecture too" when his wife does NOT work and I know his older two quite well and they are the quiet type who sit and read a book - mine are not. He also asked if I'd like to put in for promotion this year and if so would I like to have a chat about it. I pointed out I don't have time to have a chat about it, so when would I have time to write my application?

I have no female colleagues with primary school aged children and one of mine is only 5; everyone else is either male and I am fairly sure none have wives that work, or else has older children (or no children). I certainly don't have any with key worker partners that go out to work or anyone else otherwise solely responsible for small children.

Anyone desperate it is lawful to hire someone to come to your house to look after your children under lockdown by the way. even doing that 4 hours a day could make things a lot easier and if 50% of the cost is shared with a husband it may be affordable for some.

Xenia: as a legal expert I am sure that your interpretation of the law is correct. However, nanny and childcare agencies in my region are all closed. Babysitters also consider working to be against the terms of the lockdown. None of my colleagues with very young children can get childcare. Even those who fall into the category of essential workers (Covid related work), are struggling to find childcare for their young children as the local authority lists of providers do not seem to have enough spaces.

I suppose you could try a student?
One of my DCs' former babysitters is a student who does TA/holiday club work as well on the side.

@worstofbothworlds exactly - I feel like there's this mad expectation that kids will just watch TV or entertain themselves. Utter rubbish. Mine need constant attention/vigilance. I took my eye off the ball for ten minutes the other day and the little one had broken through the stairgate, got upstairs and was eating the toilet brush. I kid you not!

@Xenia thanks, I'm afraid hiring anyone is out of our budget at the moment. Plus I think bringing any human being into this currently post-apocalyptic and possibly unsanitary house to look after my feral children might be a violation of the UN Convention :-)

Little excerpt from article in The Guardian/ Observer today, hardly a surprise:

At the same time, there is evidence that women’s contributions outside the home are decreasing. There has been a drop in the number of solo-authored academic papers submitted by women, while submissions by male academics have increased. Similarly, at the Philosophy Foundation, the majority of the organisation’s work is now being carried out by men. “This is because most of our female philosophers are having to focus on childcare and home education” says co-CEO Emma Worley.

Checking in with you all, in solidarity. Teaching finished for me last week, and I've done pretty much nothing since. I do feel guilty, but it has helped take the pressure off a bit on the parenting front. I have an absolute tonne of marking to do, however. They've published a plan to ease the lockdown here, and schools and colleges can open for staff to access offices etc starting in June, so I'm going to insist that husband takes a week's annual leave in each of the next couple of months so I can go into the office and be out of the house. When I'm working at home, I find I'm always called on to do something "just for a minute", so I need not to be available. Daycare will not open here till September, so there's a long road ahead.

AlwaysColdHands, I saw that. Yes, not a surprise, I suppose, since it was always ever thus in some capacity. I am generally worried about my job given the imminent funding crisis in universities next year, anyway, but I have to say - the six months+ pause in my research and writing because of this is really troubling me. I've had two maternity leaves in the last five years, so am already behind for my career stage. I know that many colleagues without children or with older ones are also struggling with work given the circumstances, but I can also see from my work social media groups that many are getting a lot of writing done. My own department is great and supportive and I know that it wouldn't be held against me - but in the university more broadly, and on the job market...I bridle a bit at the unfairness of it.

lookingouttosea, I hear you. I recently discovered my 1.5 year old up to his elbows in the (thankfully flushed) toilet bowl, happily splashing around. Grim.

If it's any comfort medb apparently flushed toilet bowls are actually pretty hygienic environments compared to the average laptop keyboard!

My toddler is very hard work because they are waking up very early and in destruct mode most of the day. My school-age child has been set the work they would be doing in class, which means 15-minute tasks on scattered worksheets where they need someone sat with them to explain it all and help them find material online. The teacher doesn't merge pdfs so we get several a week, sometimes a day, with links to online resources with many separate login details and they don't always work.

Our printer is unreliable so I have to write out instructions onto paper so I can do something else. My child then manages to close the window on my old laptop, or can't find a pencil, or the video is just 5 minutes long so that they are wailing for the next thing to do, just so they can finish and get back to TV.

It's also unfortunate that I react to the quality of what they're being asked to do, despite knowing nothing of early years education (!!!) but a lot of it feels like busywork or something that would make more sense in a group, but boring or pointless on your own. I've given up and just bought some old-fashioned workbooks.

My own work productivity has collapsed and I already needed to find a new post - I can't think about it because I'll despair. For now, I'm just shattered and either wiping bottoms or tables for half the day or grinding out emails and slides - really need a break.

Just popping in to say I am losing the will to live with home schooling an 8 and 10 year old (8 yr old is having massive meltdowns) whilst wokring FT with a husband working out of the home mostly (shifts). School work has just come in for one today and the expectations are beyond madness. I have worked every early morning since last Sunday (including an 3.30am start one day) and it is not sustainable. Rant completed.

Have most of you finished teaching now? We finished a few weeks ago and I basically have been doing nothing since. I've done a small bit of marking, but I've mostly just answered panicked emails and tried to contact students who've disappeared - but I'll be honest and say that I've barely managed 10-15 hours a week, tbh. I'm just so knackered from looking after two toddlers and doing so much pastoral care with students. My husband has taken the kids out for a few hours and I should be marking now (so much is piling up...), but I'm drinking wine and watching Normal People instead. Need to get my act together.

I'm: proofreading a paper, trying to do revisions on another paper, vaguely trying to analyse data for a grant that needed to be written 3 years ago but my co-Is keep giving up, chasing mit circs forms and trying to stop the year tutors from telling me all about Lilly in 2nd year's cat, trying to avoid staff meetings, reassuring my new batch of project students that if we can't collect data while social distancing they can reanalyse other data and still get a degree.
I have NO CLUE how next year's teaching will work so I'm putting my ostrich head on with that.

Oh and I only work part time after some time off with stress. I'm seeing (well, phoning) a counsellor and need to do my homework for her . It's a lot easier to do crafts with my DC at the weekend and flop in front of the telly with a in the evening.