Paralysed with fear/imposter's syndrome during PhD applications

[cherryblossomx]

I am on a gap year with the intention of applying for PhDs this Autumn/Winter to start Autumn 2020. However, I have been putting it off and, if I am being honest, being deliberately picky about the PhD projects so I can tell people "oh there's nothing to apply for yet..." I just feel paralysed with fear.

Today I forced myself to look for PhDs and I have found a handful of funded PhD projects which interest me, but I feel so nervous to begin applying for them as I just feel completely incompetent and that I don't stand a chance. The projects will be extremely competitive and, by chance, several of the projects most interesting to me are offered by Oxbridge and I just feel embarrassed to even consider applying to them as the universities I attended for my undergrad and master's are ranked well below Oxbridge.

I have a first class degree and distinction in my MSc but I just feel like beyond that I have nothing to offer. I am terrible at interviews and even got rejections when applying for part-time work at supermarkets so I feel like I cannot "sell myself" properly.

Does anyone have any advice? The field I am in is Biomedicine.

Thank you

Are they strongly linked to your MSc and dissertation? You can probably talk more confidently about the things you have done (and received good feed back from) than in areas you have to sell yourself.

Write:"during my MSc, I performed particularly well in (course)" for example, as that is true and an objective fact. "I received very good feedback when..." as then you're essentially outsourcing the compliment.

If you think it would be easier to ease your way in by proving yourself, than by interview, apply for some research posts - it's very common to move from them onto a PhD in the same department.

JFD it.

I totally hear you.

I am currently looking at going back into education and doing my Masters after graduating 25 years ago. I can think of 1001 reasons why not to do it. But it all boils down to me being shit scared of it and all those super bright 23 year olds in my classes.

Have you got a cheerleader? DH is mine. He constantly tells me to go for it and that I've nothing to lose by applying, and that I'm tons better than a 20 year old. I'm not sure I really believe him a lot of the time but it's good to know there's someone on my side.

(I quite fancy doing a PhD too, but one step at a time)

From what I've heard Oxbridge entry at PhD level is a very different sort of thing to undergrad. Remember that your training so far has absolutely prepared you towards this (amongst other things), and if you want to do it you should be good enough.

The critical thing is to find a project that genuinely interests you and is funded. Good luck!

Sorry for the delay in responses.

@LetsSplashMummy They are similar in that they are both related to the same disease, but different aspects of its pathophysiology. I am also quite insecure as my master's research project used quite simple techniques but that was outside of my control, albeit the techniques I learnt to form the basis of all research in that field. I also did a module related to the disease and got a high mark in it and good feedback. Thank you for the tip on evidencing what I write with examples, I think that will help to kind of displace me "bragging" about myself and instead just be forwarding on positive comments I have had from lecturers.

@MedSchoolRat I know I need to. I just get so nervous. I am even nervous to email my tutor and supervisors to ask if they would provide a reference.

@PineappleDanish That is a good point, I haven't been completely honest about how nervous I feel about applying so should probably talk it through with someone, maybe my Mum as I know she will tell me I am worrying for no reason.

@GrasswillbeGreener Do you mean at PhD level it is more of an equal playing field and university rankings are less important? The projects I am most interested in are offered by Oxford as they do a lot of research in my research interest area. I am just intimidated as the universities I attended for my undergrad and master's are a lot further down the rankings.