How to deal with being away from kids for nearly 1 month?

[JenH27]

I'm a new lecturer and this September will be at a conference in Germany for a week before 1 day at home and then 2.5 weeks teaching in China. I also have 4 year old twin boys who will have started school just the week before I leave. I've been away from them before but only for up to a week. Any tips on how to prepare them? Should I see them for the one day in the UK or will this just disrupt things more?

I don't have any great advice as I tend to be a bit of a home-body (despite my academic career) so don't travel more than about 5 days absolute max, this isn't a principle thing, I can't get the childcare. Who is at home? Are they normally a primary caregiver? I think going home for a day could be disruptive but on the other hand you may be simply desperate to see them and they you- so lots of Skype either side if that works for you, I'd be guided by what the caregiver wants as they usually know if it is more or less disruptive to have a lot of contact. My husband used to go away for two weeks at a time and we didn't bother with daily contact when the kids were little as it was quite upsetting for them and worse than just getting on with everyday life with a kiss blown to Daddy every evening.

I’ve found so far that the youngest they are, the easiest it is to leave them. I generally go away 3-4 weeks at a time. On one long trip of nearly 6 weeks, when the DD’s were around 3-4, I got them a small present to open each day I was away (like a tiny pack of smarties/pencil/v small stuff). It worked quite well-there was a pile of presents and they could see how much longer there was left as the pile got smaller. I only did it once as it was a PIA but it seemed to help. I didn’t Skype until they were later.

That should read PITA!

Well, been away for up to 6 months. For a short trip of a month, I’d put on calendar when I’m back and DH and they look at it, cross off each day and do a count down. If I were back for 1 day like you will be, yes see them! You can pack a lot of hugs into 1 day.
Couldn’t afford the present every day thing....erg.
But did pre-record myself reading several bed time stories complete with funny voices.
Did also Skype a few times a week.
Sent letters, package now and then...you could send a post card or two kids that age are thrilled to get mail with their name on it.

Thanks so much for all of this, some amazing ideas. I'd got so caught up in the stress of it all, that couldn't think about any ways of making it easier for them. They will absolutely love postcards! To be honest I'm sure It'll be me struggling with it more than them (I definitely want those hugs on that day, but was worried it would be worse for them). At the moment we're saying nothing about it, it's such bad timing the week after they start school. Should I start talking about it with them now or leave it until much nearer to the time?

I found a calendar to be very helpful - for all big trips (even now my youngest is 8), I will print out a basic calendar & stick it on the fridge. It marks interesting events (e.g. Granny picks you up from school on thursday / swimming club Monday) and of course the day I come back. The kids can cross off each day and can easily see what is happening so they don't get anxious.

When mine were little, I'd start talking about a trip a few days in advance. And they would always behave very badly just after a trip (or just before), so I learnt that I had to weather that storm and then they would calm down.

Also, I found that skype / phone calls would make them very upset, and it was easier to do without that. At least, easier for them but harder for me.