Advice needed re. post-doc, stress, and lack of management

[SaveMeTheWaltz]

Is anyone able to offer advice on how to deal with a post doc that is not working out and which is causing me debilitating stress?

I'm a part-time post-doc on a big, sprawling, collaborative project that brings together researchers from multiple disciplines. I've been on the project a year. When I was hired, it wasn't clear exactly what my role on the project was going to involve (the project topic is a long way outside my usual field of expertise, but tbh I was just grateful to have a job!); I assumed that I would do a bit of exploratory work, and then a trajectory for research would crystallise as a result (spoiler: it hasn't).

I'm co-managed by a team of PIs; no one is directly responsible for me, which means that I've had to deal with often contradictory direction (for example, one PI will suggest that I work on a particular topic, then another will tell me that's the wrong approach, usually after I've put in several weeks worth of work). No-one will be explicit about the kinds of outputs or activities they want from me, but everyone is keen to tell me what they don't want once I have done it. I've asked for clarification about my role, and have been told that it's a post-doc, not a PhD, and that I shouldn't expect to be managed.

There's also a lack of boundaries around my part-time status; for example, I've been asked to attend meeting on my days off or whilst on AL ('its only for an hour or so').

It's now got to the point where I can't sit down to work on a paper without experiencing anxiety-related symptoms (shortness of breath and raised heartbeat), and meetings leave me shaking. I can't work out whether the problem lies with me or with the project, but I've lost faith in my ability as a researcher, and am wondering whether I should give it another year or give up now. Quitting a post-doc without another job to go to (other than sessional lecturing) is probably career suicide, but I'm not sure how else to resolve this.

That sounds like a less than ideal situation. I'm not sure I have much advice to offer, but from what you have written it wounds like it's the project, not you. I also thoroughly disagree with the statement that you shouldn't expect to be managed. You're an employee, not a PI/Co-I, and therefore can/should expect some direction from those in charge. Is there someone else in your department that you can speak to? Where I work every post-doc has a mentor (another member of staff who is not involved in their project). They can be great to discuss these types of issues with.

Not sure if this is helpful, but my short-term approach would most likely be to try develop a work plan, with suggested outputs and your time commitment to deliver them. Then send to all PIs, so that everyone is on the same page. If they disagree on the direction they should resolve that between themselves, not through you.The other option is to be straightforward and say that you find it difficult to know what's expected: that you feel you are being given conflicting feedback, and that you'd be more effective if there was clearer agreement between the PIs what they expect from you. Then you can develop your own workplan within these parameters.

Also, keep trying to maintain those boundaries. I'm full time, so I don't have this issue as much, but sometimes people do try to schedule things when I'm on AL. My standard response is 'Sorry, I'll be away and unable to attend. If it is important for me to be there, I am available before date X or again after my return on date Y.'

Finally, I'd not give up your job without raising your issues with the PIs first. Worst case scenario is nothing changes, and you can still leave then, but hopefully it will help improve the situation.

Agree with advice given. It sounds like the Project and not you. Co-PI projects can be tricky due to strongly held beliefs but sometimes contradictory approaches as you describe.

I agree with sending a polite but brief email to all PI to highlight that. Perhaps avoid being too specific With exact examples as they might get too focussed on the example and not broader picture. They must have seen this before themselves. We usually agree on collaborative projects that the post doc has 1 direct report PI (and a weekly informal lab meeting to discuss/update) and then we set up a meeting every 6-8 weeks with co-PIs to update and ensure project on track and publication strategies etc. Then any disagreements are held between PIs. Then crucially we ask someone to send out a summary of the meeting on the same day whilst memory fresh (usually the PI doing supervision but you could do it) so that we agree our memory was the same. you don’t need micromanaging, but you definitely need supervision!

Good luck. Get it out in open and don’t quit. Also find a mentor too if you don’t have one.