A bit of fellow feeling (or a swift kick up the bum)

[BeansandRice]

Argh! I really hate the way Im feeling at the moment: I'm having a very bad case of professional envy. To the point of wanting to cry ...

I hate it when I get all worked up. I'm a senior academic, and I've advised others on this issue. But can I deal with it myself. Oh no, I'm like a big baby. I know we work in a competitive profession, but I hate feeling like this. How do you damp down emotion?

There's an internal opportunity to lead something I would love to lead (and would be good at). Took advice, put in an application, didn't even get an offer of interview. But a more junior close colleague, without my track record (although they do have a good track record) has applied and will be interviewed.

I think I misjudged my application in that I didn't offer a driving vision for the post - but I explained that I don't lead that way. And frankly, I have done enough in my department & faculty that they know that, and they've put me into leadership positions to save their bacon at times. I've done service in the area of the post without extra time or workload adjustment. And I get a shitload of research grant money, plus have done thankless admin jobs, plus ... it goes on.

What I'm struggling with is that I'm really pissed off at the Dean & associate deans in the faculty, but my emotional response is to totally resent my colleague. The fact that they in the past have intimated they felt I've stood in their way doesn't help. I'm trying to keep out of everyone's way & just lick my wounds.

I'm feeling awful, and partly because I know my feelings are a bit unreasonable. I'm beating myself up, then getting resentful and feeling overlooked & neglected.

Please lovely people, any tips on how you get through this? Or maybe I just need a good ticking off.

Ach, poor you. I understand, I get terrible professional jealousy and I don’t know why, Im doing well at work and I am not jealous in any other setting (of houses or whatnot).

I think your urge to hide is normal but after a few days you should force yourself out of hiding before it becomes hard to get back to normal. Go and talk to the colleague who is being interviewed about it (Just chit chat). Otherwise it will solidify into a grudge.

Thanks, bigkids - and your point about not letting it turn into a grudge is a good reminder.

Im very much someone who works through my feelings by talking it out. But this - I can't really talk it out as my friendships & colleagues are too intertwined ...

I keep telling myself that it's OK to feel sad, and that it will pass. But oh gosh it's horrible in the middle of it - partly because I know I've no reasonable justification to feel the way I do. I'm behaving like a spoilt child.

It has girded my loins about not letting my faculty or the Deans inveigle me into doing extra stuff for them. If they couldn't give me a chance at a job I really wanted to do, why should I do anything else they want me to do.

I'm going to practice saying "No."

Oh, sympathies beans. I'm not quite senior, but I've been applying for posts and not getting them. Last one I got feedback that I didn't have clear enough plans for what I was going to change. Turns out the person they did get is basically changing a pile of things, most of which require a massive amount of extra admin (and sometimes completely irrelevant to various fields). Well, guess she did have clear plans? But trying not to be fussed, just sometimes can't help thinking if they picked me, I wouldn't be such a pain! But you don't say that to anyone.

You poor thing ! If it helps, I always like to think it wasn’t meant to be in situations like this. Think about how much more free you’ll be without that responsibility .