Doing a PhD and being a single parent

[Hullabalooo]

There's a possibility of a funded PhD coming up.. not a cert but I'm exploring some options. I'm also a self employed single parent with an emotionally abusive ex.. So i come with baggage.

I've been talking to people about how feasible this would be. The response is a mixture of 'do it, you'd be great at it' and 'are you mad?!'

I am also 44 so would be looking at finishing around the back end of my 40s if i did it.

I'm at a weird point in my life given separation, money worries and generally being a bit worn out so need to be clear about possible reasons for doing so.

I'm not an academic though i am academic iyswim. I'm running a small company at present which could really feed into the PhD and vice versa so would be quite an applied one although what i do need is some kind of clearer income stream or clarity about career.

I do however think it would be great to get my brain working, feed into existing work, develop new partnerships, projects and explore new funding streams.

But I don't want to get to 50 with no pension, being over qualified, exhausted from phd, disillusioned and also feeling like i won't have spent sufficient time with dc but actually no better off financially.

Would i be mad to do a PhD given all this?

Maybe write down all the things you do want to do. What are you looking for in terms that are relevant, progression, popularity, career, finance, love, family, self worth, etc and then see what the PHD would offer in those terms, it might help you decide. Sometimes we're looking for distraction, others were looking for fulfilment, what is it you're looking for, each can have long term goals, if it's the latter, and it ticks the boxes go for it, if the former maybe some re-evaluation. Either way you'll know once you give it some deeper thought.

Honestly
I think give the phd a miss and instead focus on building your business /career

Will feed your brain and, quite importantly, your bank account, which in turn will help ease off stress of money worries

Thank you both. Appreciate the advice.

I did my PhD as a single parent of primary age kids. I can't lie, it was really extremely hard and the pressure of being very busy whilst also not earning anything for such a long time was especially tough as my ex husband has never shared care or contributed financially.

One of the significant benefits of being a student for me was that it was extremely flexible and meant I could do a lot of school pick up/drop offs and other parenting stuff as long as I was prepared to work at night. I didn't have much of a life outside of parenting and studying for a very long time and it did take a toll on my mental health.

I think overall it was worth it (I now have the permanent academic job I wanted) and I qualified when I was still young enough to have a long career and build up my income and pension. If you already have a career and you are not looking to be an academic afterwards I probably wouldn't do it.

MrsWilliams1's advice about listing the things you want from life is excellent and would be a great way to think through whether the PhD would be right for you.

A phd is usually only really useful in many fields if you want to be an academic. That career path is highly competitive and the sector is facing lots of uncertainties. Do get careers advice specific to your situation as to whether the phd will enhance your employability elsewhere. If not it may not be wise to do it.

Do it! I'm doing one - I'm skint, but it's brilliant and I love it (apart from the days I want to chuck it out the window)

Also a single parent. Also abusive ex.

It can be done under those circumstances, but the question is whether it is worth it. When I think of the time and effort and energy, I poured into it for years on end, there are other things I could have done with those resources that might have led to a bigger payoff (not just financially).

In addition to MrsWilliams's list, I'd suggest writing another list: "If I don't do the PhD, what else might I do with my time?" In the end, it comes down to whichever list excites you more.

What I would add is, do you absolutely totally and utterly love the subject of the PhD and do you bore the pants off everyone given half a chance, talking about it? if not, don't do the PhD. Because you are immersed in it for years and years and if you don't absolutely totally love it you'll hate it by 2 months in.

(I want to be an academic and do more and more research in my subject area so a PhD is part of my plan.)

Thanks so much for these replies. Its really helpful to have feedback about it. Still really undecided!

If you are hoping to be an academic at the end of it - don't do it. There are almost no good jobs, and layoffs are on the way. You would have to be mobile to compete for the jobs there are, which is hard with children settled in school.

If the money is attractive compared with what you would otherwise make, and you're very efficient (and could keep other projects going), then maybe yes - but I would advise not falling into having a PhD student identity. The current generation of PhD students is so unhappy. Treat it as a defined project you could get done, to a passing standard, in 2 and a bit years of working consistently if you take lots of advice and direction. Not as a project which is creative, fulfilling, etc. Those tend to go off-course and need a major dissertation crisis to get finished.

There are so many other better, more fulfilling, happier things you could be doing, at a time when you need to be thinking about your pension pot (I'm your age btw). It's flexible, but there are other flexible, home-based posts for good researchers.

You could be a bit mercenary and set out to do just the first year and a bit, and then take an MPhil exit. I wouldn't personally, but it would give you a taste of a longer research project without damaging your career and future earnings in the way a three or four-year project would.

Agree about Mrs Wilson's post.

@failingbetter that's all very realistic, helpful and wise advice. Thank you!

Marking place, as I am at a similar age and point.

The issue here for me is that it sounds like a very applied PhD, so it may be it would open up doors careers-wise, there are some applied areas (law, business, education lecturing) where there can be some fruitful interplay between out of uni/PhD work. Most PhDs, however, are not like this and won't directly advantage you in the workplace unless you have to have one (e.g. you want to be an academic which I would advise against at that age just because the foothills of post-doc study are now so high you won't be a lecturer before you are 55-60 if ever). Or if you have a maths PhD and go into the City. Beyond that, it's unclear what the benefit is- can you find people who have done something similar and made it work for their career?

Hello Hullabaloo, we are so similar I have been wondering if I wrote your post in my sleep.

I am also in my early 40s. Married, but that is looking a bit wobbly at the moment. I have been hovering around the idea of doing a PhD for several years now - but always felt that my child was too young and the time wasn't right. But I have decided it is 2019 or never! Ideally, I really need my doctorate to be funded. I applied for one funded doctorate (project), but didn't get it. Now sending out feelers to other prospective supervisors and about to work on my proposal.

I have a strong professional working life with existing expertise (
have worked with government etc) in a field very closely related to my proposed PhD. I would want to combine my doctorate with ongoing freelance work. I don't rule out an academic post in the future, but I could equally likely go into third or private sector research or consultancy - a heck of a lot of PhD holders do!

In terms of motivation I have that yearning to feel that I have gone as far as I can go in the education system, to feel truly an acknowledged 'expert' in my field. To be honest, I think it is rather easy for people who already have their PhD certificate in a folder and 'Dr' on their business cards to pooh-pooh the need for it or try to dissuade others from doing one, but it doesn't stop me wanting it!

I think there are some good points on this thread about not getting in to the student mindset - just keeping very focussed on completion and also the MPhil exit route if it all goes wrong.

If you want to message me and work a bit more closely on this, please do.

MaybeDoctor I hardly dare mention this given what you say about others who do have PhDs dismissing the desire of others who don't- but the academic world is a hugely hierarchical one. One of the worst bits about finishing your PhD is that, if you want to go into academia, you are effectively on the bottom rung, the entry point. Even getting a post-doc won't make you an 'expert' in your field, according to the experts above you anyway.

If you take your PhD and run far far away to somewhere else, it indeed may have quite a lot of kudos, but within the academy, it's a pre-requisite and so unfortunately you may not end up feeling like an expert even though really you should!

I would not dissuade someone from doing one. I would dissuade someone who was a primary wage earner and wanted to advance their career from doing one, as that's often not the outcome and 54/50% odd of people in academic worlds are on short-term insecure contracts, and if you are in your forties, it's difficult, if not impossible to translate this quickly into career results. I do know people who have made a success of it, for example, taking up part-time consulting work after their PhD or being happy to be a post-doc as not a main wage earner. It depends what you think the outcome is going to be.

I think it's a good sign if you feel driven forward to do a PhD, it's an active choice. I think it would be odd not to reflect on the really bad climate for PhDs these days, it's been written about and statistically analysed in some depth, it's not just in our jaded imaginations that it's all much worse then we were young. It really is!

Badly written- I meant to say I know people in their 40's and 50's who have done PhDs...

Also 40-50% insecure or short-term contracts, it's much harder to secure long-term permanent lecturing/research than it used to be as there are more PhDs for every job. This doesn't matter if you don't want to be an academic- which is why knowing your likely path is so important.

I totally take your post kindly and thanks for your time and trouble in posting. Being in a hierarchy doesn't bother me - I career changed at age 25 and went back to the beginning, with another change to a slightly different role at age 36.

I do know a PhD doesn't make someone a true 'expert'. But what is the acknowledged badge of expertise? Being a professor? Umpteen articles? A Nobel prize? I know someone who was a key part of a very high profile research team, but she doesn't have a PhD - regardless of what she has done, she still lacks that badge. On the other hand, I have been an 'expert advisor' to projects, simply because I have the requisite knowledge and been in the right place/role at the right time. Anyway, it is a badge or marker that I desire .

Forgot to add, late middle-aged women and career changers are absolutely legion in my academic field. I will fit right in .

I don't really understand discouraging people to do a phd if its funded to be honest.

I've just started my PhD at 27 as a single mum - combined with non-academic freelance work that essentially goes straight to nursery fees - I have an OK living, and a guaranteed income for three years. That's more than many people I know my age have. I'm not contributing to a private pension, but again, neither are many friends. I will do my best to enter academia, but like you @maybedoctor, the phd is also related to other work I have done, so if all else fails, I will return to that.

Getting paid to work on your project for three years is an incredible privilege, whether it leads to an academic job or not.

I guess if you're older, and doing a phd will mean a significant pay cut, or keep you paying into a pension you will need soon ect, it might be different.

Thanks, happy.

I went into the workplace full time at age 21, so have nearly 20 years of NI contributions to my name. Plus occupational pensions. I could also contribute to a private pension from my stipend if needed.

Also I agree @maybedoctor, I don't agree that you're only considered an "expert" when you get a permanent academic job. In certain topics (including one in my phd), the work done by journalists, think tanks and writers is ahead of academia, and such work is widely reviewed and cited by academics.

I certainly wasn't trying to claim there's no expertise outside academia! Within it, however, expertise isn't about having a PhD because everyone has one. If you aren't planning an academic career, and are already an expert, then the question is; is it worth it at this stage to become an 'expert' academically and obtain a PhD? Things like your age, whether you already have a pension, whether you are planning to become a career academic would balance the scales very differently.

Thanks all. This has definitely given me a lot of food for thought! My feeling now is that i would use my research if i do do it, in an applied way that benefits my existing work and helps me build on that, as well as opening up new networks and possibilities as well as job opportunities.

I don't think I'm one for academia but i do already often work with academics and this should/ would help to support that work.

The thing is that there aren't loads of opportunities at present as i live in a place that's near enough to London to mean that there is always someone who's more qualified going for the same jobs who's willing to take a massive pay cut to not commute. This would help to make my role and applications moored external jobs more relevant and viable.

I can choose the title of it so it's entirely relevant to what I'm already doing but expand and explore that whilst hopefully if funded will mean a tax free income for a while which may mean i can also be a half decent parent and work in a subject I really like.

If i dont get the funding i wouldn't do it. If i spend time planning a proposal and it isn't funded then I'd have a ready made proposal to put to other non academic funders as a ready made project. So it currently feels like... Well why not give it a go.

Given the lack of other options i may as well put in for it and see what happens.

Given that, does it still sound mad to apply?

Doesn’t sound mad to me! My reasoning is very similar.