Returning to phd part time

[Justtheonequestion]

I have a baby but completed my 1st yr, am now disabled so have been approved part time. It's research council funded so half the bursary for another 4 yrs, PIP will make up the rest.
I'm not sure,I am clever enough anymore, or how hard to expect it to be. I start data collection in sept which should be fone by xmas, need 3 chapters by next yr to get an mphil, that's my current goal as it gives me 'something'.
What do i expect from the equivalent of 2nd yr stage, and can I do it? Hot a high first and research MA with distinction. But health needs and parenting challenges have I feel deskilled me totally.

Anyone there? (-:

How supportive is your supervisor and do you sense that they grasp the challenges you are facing? (Either from personal experience or more general professional experience/maturity?) I think that's probably the key thing here. You sound highly competent but as if your confidence has been (understandably) knocked and you need someone who will understand that rebuilding it is key. As someone who had very traumatic pregnancies and some (relatively minor but nevertheless permanent) physical impairment post-pregnancy, following very significant disability throughout both pregnancies (quite close together) I absolutely understand why you feel you're not the same person who did that first year. On the plus side, I found once my confidence was back my research (I had children at a later career stage than you) went up a huge step in reach and significance post-children. Still not sure why and perhaps a mid-career coincidence thing but I actually found that surviving my pregnancies, once I had recovered, made me feel both that I could survive/wasn't really scared of anything and that nothing else mattered that much, which was quite freeing professionally.

Probably not that many people with PhDs around this evening to advise you! Surely it differs from subject to subject, and from individual to individual. Have you got childcare or are you going to be working around baby's naps?

Kalid, my supervisors are so supportive of my situation. Work from home etc.
One is a perfectionist and nothing i do is good enough. I need to learn to 'ignore' some aspects or i will never finish it.
Thats a different way of looking at things. I see pregnancy as having broken me, but yes nothing else can be that hard. Half of me is guilty for wanting to do something when i could be at home if i wanted. I wonder if i will regret it. I just cant seem to get a rhythm phd wise. Its really hard to keep motivated and see any progress. If i dont go back my confidence will not come back either.

Thinking i have free childcare.

I'm in the middle of a PhD as a mature student (funded). I think it's key to be part of a supportive community of peers - not necessarily in the same life stage or state, but in a similar PhD stage - to cope with the tough times. Supervisors can encourage in a different way, but having a buddy really helps. I also found this to be true when I had babies, not that I was doing that alongside the PhD, let alone dealing with disability too - having friends with similar age babies who are also juggling work and parenting may also help!

Is it arts or science? Do you have peer support? If not, can you find some, maybe via Twitter, which is a great source of contact in my discipline, at least. Otherwise - try breaking it down into much smaller goals, so you make progress? Ask for closer monitoring for a bit?

Are there implications with repaying the stipend if you don't complete? Will it have repercussions in the future? You may want an MPhil for your own mental closure, but in most areas I don't think an MPhil is very useful career wise, as far as I know. But looking to that as the immediate goal may be a good way to get you back into the swing of it, anyway.

Most thank you.
I've become isolated but i definitely have 'buddies'-my best friend is one whom i did my MA with but is a bit further on. I have been left behind by having children.
As for the uni i will never 'fit'- i miss my undergrad uni and it is a different discipline (arts) from my background so the theories are hard to understand.
No funding implications. I know an mphil is a 'failed phd' but outside academia nobody knows that abd psychologically i will feel better knowing that. My supervisor has 64 completees begore me.
I've heard Twitter is useful but i dont like the idea I cant control who looks at my information, i hate facebook etc. But am probably losing out professionally because of that.

Sorry for typos

I think Twitter is hugely useful for academia. You can't control who looks at your information, but you can control what you tweet! I use it only for academic stuff, and just tweet stuff from conferences, interesting pictures from my work, or the occasional funny moment. I have no personal information on there at all, except my name, subject and institution. It does really help to see people out there who are also dealing with the stress of a PhD, and there are some accounts which are specifically set up for PhD advice and support.
My PhD is arts too, and I come from a completely different background academically, so I know what you mean. You don't need to 'fit' in a cookie cutter way - I am way older than most of my fellow students, for example - but you can still participate fully. Are there any social events, like pub sessions, you can go to? or is childcare/disability an issue? I think arts PhDs can be incredibly isolating even for those of us without those extra challenges you're dealing with, so you should be proud of yourself for continuing to engage with the process at all, in the circumstances.

You do sound like you have lost your confidence, which is very very easy to do after a baby and you have additional reasons which make it harder. That said, all your abilities are still there, you sound like a very promising student, and it's just a question of tapping into that again. I don't think you should aim for the MPhil alone, but the whole PhD and I think you can do it, I did mine alongside having children in a part-time stop start format and did eventually get there.

Firstly- check you don't have any type of PND, because doing any type of academic work when down/depressed and untreated would be very hard. If it is just feeling down/out of the loop academically, that's a different thing.

I also think you are missing a trick by not using Facebook and Twitter, with tight security settings. If you are are disabled and stuck in the house a lot for that reason (I don't know if this is true for you) or just with limited time, then FB is a good way of keeping in the loop- and there is a group which could be really relevant for you called:
PhD and ECR Parents Group

which has over 1,000 members I think! Its a closed group so you ask to join and then you have lots of people in a similar situation to you.

I'd also join Twitter professionally if you think you might like to go on academically, you can just set up an account for that purpose, follow people that are relevant to your work and to your discipline and dip in and out of it as you choose, this is especially relevant if you are wanting to make a career out of academia and want to follow happenings in a particular field. This might not be so relevant in your discipline- in mine, a lot of key people are on Twitter and a lot of policy stuff comes out daily which is of relevance.

Good luck with it all, once you do your data collection, you will get more of a momentum, you could also try online podcasts for PhD students (e.g. Tara Brabazon) or some of the writing ones like Shut Up and Write Tuesday UK on Twitter. There was a thread the other day about motivation to write, and there was some really excellent advice on that thread.

Many thanks summer. I have bipolar so part of that is being sedated with medication. My manias were my best work (until i lost control and believed weird things like the government was tracking my genius thinking...) and that's what i find hard. No depression, but just...plain old thinking which isnt what im used to. I also have arthritis.
I will think seriously about twitter.

More i rarely make the social stuff as i'm in a different city although i meet with other phd friends monthly. It is helpful that you found changing discipline challenging. Where i am all the team are all the new subject and im the only one who isnt. But fitting in isnt bothering me so much. Perhaps the thought of it is worse than the reality

There is another academic who is on these boards with bipolar, I think it is hard going but the dept' have been very supportive. It is great you have supportive supervisors- and going part-time makes this definitely more doable for you.

I think you are just out of the loop and have forgotten how to do what you do. It will come back. Can you start working just a very small amount a day right now? Just one hour (in two 25 min chunks as they do in the Shut Up and Write Tues)? Even if all you do is read through your initial thoughts, or write some down, or read a key paper?

You can't write anything from scratch to a brilliant high level. It is just a step by step set of skills you can learn (as you have the ability) and do bit by bit.

I'd have a chat with your supervisor about next steps for you sooner rather than later, and see if you can't get yourself a bit more back in the groove in a small way rather than seeing it as this huge task you are avoiding.

I'm due to submit in the next couple of months, and I've been doing the PhD part-time alongside full-time work (not as an academic) and being a single parent to my daughter. It's also largely in a different discipline to my original degree/Masters. Confidence has a been a big issue for me.

In many ways you sound in a better position than I've been - you got a high first and have a Masters in Research, neither of which I have, and you were awarded funding, so clearly you're a good bet. Intelligence does not get removed from you along with the afterbirth, although if you're operating on reduced sleep, it can feel like it for a while.

You obviously don't need to decide now about the MPhil/PhD. I found it helped not to lift my eyes too high and contemplate the bigger picture, because that would just spook me. Just concentrate on this bit of data collection, this bit of reading, this bit of writing. If you're genuinely interested in your subject, just keep focusing on the opportunity to explore this interest.

Hello Just, I'm just past my first year upgrade on a part time PhD, I am also a disabled student (autistic) and a parent/carer of a disabled child, and want to also say that social media really does make a difference, especially for me as my university is nearly 200 miles away so I am somewhat physically isolated.

I only use twitter for my research topic which helps keep things separate, but hashtags like #PhDChat and #AbleismInAcademia, and no doubt many others related to your field, will help you feel more connected and find people in similar situations. There are networks like Chronically Academic which are run by and for disabled academics.

The main plus points of twitter for me are:

• it's a good way to hear about events
• events are often live-tweeted
• it helps hone an ability to be concise and precise
• lots of sharing of resources and information
• I've made real life friendships as a result of engaging with people on twitter and then meeting at events

I am very much just taking mine one step at a time, my ability/energy levels fluctuate so being part time gives me the flexibility to have periods of inactivity and periods of intense work, it all balances out.

I’ve just finished my PhD and got a lot of support from a Facebook group called PhD and Early Career Researcher Parents. I was an hour away from my university so mostly worked from home and wasn’t really part of the university community so this group filled that gap for me.

Many many thanks for these suggestions. I am definitely going to start a twitter account.
I will also be isolated. Mostly working from home, but I will travel in once a week.
I will receive half the bursary but may be able to get some support for the university for expenses arising from the course-are there any that you could think of please?
I was thinking travel, books, childcare, internet kind of thing?

I also have bipolar— it started as PND after DD2 in 2010 and has never gone away. It really knocked my confidence—I didn’t know whether I could still perform to my pre-bipolar standard.

It didn’t help that the HOD was awful, and tried to get me retired on ill health. Thankfully he was replaced with a great HOD who has been incredibly supportive.

I finally started to get my confidence back once I got a big AHRC grant, but it took a good few years until I started to figure out how to manage work/my moods & what limitations I had to face.

I think that one key thing for you is to avoid getting isolated—it’s a common problem with PhD’s. I’ve found that social isolation affects my mood. I’ve also found that I need to be very careful to avoid getting too stressed with work as it also sends my mood all over the place. It can be hard work managing work + family + health.

Sorry if that’s all a bit jumbled. I’m not at my best right now.

Thank you toast. Sorry youre not feeling well.
Im as 'recovered' as i will get ie no psychosis and stable but muted mood. My supervisors are amazing, i have the backing of everyone i did my ma with. I might try to create a routine to go in and meet someone every week or two.
Its just the standard is so high. Im worried i cant do it but am going to have 2 writing mornings this week.