Lost Mojo

[UncertainPerson]

Fairly recently I finished a research fellowship with a rather micro-managing line manager. I'm due a baby in the summer after several mcs. I planned to use this unemployed time to write up some of the research I'm sitting on as I only have a few publications.

The problem is I have totally and completely lost my mojo. I have spent my time lying on the sofa reading MN instead of doing writing and completing many of the side projects that are now overdue. It's really out of character, but I've totally lost the ability to care about research or academia.

Help! How can I motivate myself and become more positive? I feel totally drained. I'm already seeing a therapist privately due to fertility and family health pressures. Any tips? Or just a handhold? I'm worried I'll never get my energy back and will have to drop out of this career.

I'm 23 weeks, have fairly generous leave due, and feel similar. I have an option to take up a solid nonacademic job offer and thinking about taking it up. It would mean going back to work full-time early (September) rather than working from home, vaguely depressed, on projects I don't care about.

So it's not just you. Part of me thinks I just don't like my subject enough to keep going, and that that's quite fair. It's not that important or interesting.

If you're no longer employed, and have other things you could be doing, and could make a fresh start, then you can just stop.

If you really do want to keep going, then work out why it is you want to do it, and keep reminding yourself of it.

I think you're a few weeks behind me - if so you might still be in the exhausted stage and it does pass. My motivation did come back after 13 weeks.

I just wanted you to feel you have permission to stop if that's what you want to do. If you want to keep going, then give yourself a little break - it's only 10th of January. Most of my colleagues only started back at work yesterday or the day before.

I hope this helps :-)

While most of us may have not started back till this week, at least some of never stopped working, researching, marking, writing etc etc over Christmas! Just in case OfS are looking in, you know ...

I did keep checking in and keeping stuff that would be better done as-and-when ticking over so that I didn't return to a huge consolidated disaster of problems - but hardly working full-tilt. And I'm pretty sure that some colleagues did take a proper and very sensible break.

Academic martyrdom is one of the things that puts me off about the profession. Lots of people work a bit during their holidays without going on about it in the way that we do. I have done my fair bit of complaining to DP about the level of request or problem I'm being sent, but it's not that difficult, just hugely tedious.

Why should someone feel bad about winding down when we naturally hibernate, and where they are pregnant and under health and other stress? She needs to give herself a break - a couple of weeks off might make all the gestational and motivational difference.

I'd recommend a complete computer break though and some lovely boxsets instead. After hitting a deadline yesterday I watched all of Little Women in one go and feel much better for an evening crying my eyes out and admiring the frocks and pretend-New England landscape. Also really enjoying Series 1 of The Detectorists - how did I not hear about it before?!

it is very hard to get up your enthusiasm when you are on your own, especially working from home etc.

do you have any academic friends who you can meet for coffee & discuss ideas (not just gossip) or free / local conferences you can go to etc? I find most of my motivation comes from other people, not just from sitting alone in my room.

failing that, twitter can (with many caveats) be a good place for making connections with people in your field and reading / discussing new research.

I lost my mojo in my first pregnancy, found it again a long time after having the baby, then got it back a lot in the second pregnancy, then had to find it to complete a piece of work and so on. I don't think these things are static, and perhaps now isn't the time to push yourself if you don't feel like it. Your tunnel vision is all about the baby and being tired (I felt like the first trimester the whole pregnancy both times, just exhausted) but that will change in the future- and you can pick up after the baby if you want. If you have obligations in terms of actually having to write papers you are paid/were paid to write, that's a bit difference, but the odd lull doesn't matter too much, I've had a few in my career but overall the general trajectory is upwards.

Being micro-managed could be the problem, as it is energy-sapping, you can never relax and enjoy things.
If you are now free of that, then over time you should recover your enthusiasm for your subject.
Don't sweat it, take it easy.

Thanks for the support, it's been really kind and helpful. Just hearing that's it's ok to take a break, and that motivation can wane for a bit without complete career disaster was great. (Though Lemonadesea = ).

You're totally right about letting the social stuff slide during all the sickness and malaise of the first trimester. I've arranged a dinner with a dear academic friend this weekend, and I'm travelling for a seminar soon so I extended the trip and booked into a nice hotel.

DH has been helping me de-junk the dumping room my office so I hope there will be room to put my desk up again and stop working at the kitchen table / bed / sofa which is never good.

I started cooking some new recipes instead of eating cheese and toast all the time, so that's been good! Hopefully onwards and upwards from here.