Tips for making PhD work with kids/life/family routine?

[nomad5]

I just got offered a funded phd position in the legal field (yay!) and it'll be my first "proper" job since becoming a SAHM 3 years ago. I have two children who are both now in full-time pre-school.

Would be grateful for any tips or suggestions from others about how to best make doctoral research work with family life? Is the idea of managing school pickup (I live on the continent, so longer school days) most days and/or working from home at times realistic? I know already from experience that working from home with kids actually around never works that well! I really want to make the most of this opportunity - that means doing my best professionally which leads to better career outcomes for me BUT also maximising opportunity of a potentially family friendly set-up.

DH is an academic (but very different field) so I sort of know the drill generally. But DH did his doctorate over a decade ago, before we had kids, and frankly, I always have had the flexible job or been a SAHM to work around his career.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

Biggest tip? Make sure your DH starts doing 50% the childcare, so that's half the drop-offs, half the pick-ups, half the days taken off work to look after sick child(ren), half the mental work of remembering which kid needs to take what to school, half the timetable management of sports or other activities, etc. It also means him looking after the kids while you're away at a conference or giving a talk somewhere like you have presumably been doing when he's away.

A PhD is a full-time position, just like your DH's academic job, so time you both start working around each other's careers rather than you working round his.

One of the benefits of non medical research is the flexibility as you're not tied to a lab. You can work weekends etc BUT make sure your DH is on board and is doing his share. Work out where you work best too ... might be getting out of the house. And meal plan!

Thank you both!

I'll have an office at the university so I'll have a place to work. I find working too much from home headwrecker. I'm hoping I can start early (DH would do school run in morning), finish early and do an hour or two of reading at home in the evening after the kids are asleep.

I'm going to do the sums on a cleaner once a week or fortnight because I know from experience that's where I end up picking up the slack when I'm working too and I'm not interested in nagging and resentment .

I realise it's good advice - it's my full time career again too. DH is able and willing to pitch in equally... But he has got used to having someone at home full-time who managed the administration of 3 country moves for his career.....

*headwrecking

Congratulations, OP.

Be strict with yourself. I think it's fine to only work, say, about 5 hours a day on your PhD as long as you work during those hours. No long, meandering coffee breaks, no pointless training sessions etc. There are advantages to taking time off your research for somethings but you need to be strict about this.

For example, departmental seminars can be a great way to get your face known and network with senior colleagues. If its anything like my department though, there'll be a seminar every other bloody day. You need to be strict and set yourself a limit (like one departmental seminar per fortnight) and be strategic (like going to the seminar which your supervisors and HoD are most likely to be at).

It's the 'mental load' at home I struggle with in academic work. I have a ton of stuff to worry about with my research and teaching and then the added stress of doing the online Tesco shop on time, making sure we've not forgotten dd sport events etc if your dh can pick up those things then it'll all seem more manageable

Congratulations!
I'll have an office at the university so I'll have a place to work
Brilliant! You are already a step ahead of me. I found the hardest thing was finding a place to work - mainly kitchen table which obviously had to be cleared away a lot. I think your plan of going in early sounds good.

I would also agree that 5 hours of actual work time is sufficient, as long as those 5 hours are just work. Nothing else. No distractions.

If I were you I would do 8am - 2pm on PhD work (so that's reading/writing/data collection), and then 1 hour after the kids have gone to bed on emails and any other light stuff like Twitter etc.

Definitely get a weekly cleaner, it is a life saver and will just take that pressure and stress off you. Also, if you are sharing an office at university, headphones will probably help too.

Which headphones sunegg? I need some good antinoise headphones / earplugs

what everyone has said OP. A good place to work and clear headspace are key for me