Is my frustration just me being selfish?

[MissJSays]

My boyfriend and I are 23 and 20, I am in the final year of my 3 year degree. He works full time, I work part time around uni and we have been struggling along, trying to save for a mortgage. The plan is for me to get a full time job when I graduate this summer, get a mortgage, then hopefully marriage, babies etc if all goes to plan. We are both desperate to get our lives started and can't wait to start trying for a baby, we just want to be as ready as we can be first.

Today he drops the bombshell that he is considering doing a PGCE. I said, well you do know you'd have to do a 3 year undergrad degree before you could do the PGCE? He says he knows this but he looked a little surprised when I pointed this out. It almost seems like he's said it on a whim without any thought behind it.

I am so happy that he's wanting to better himself for our future but I can't help feeling disappointed. I KNOW how selfish that sounds, but this prolongs our situation for another 4 years.

The last 3 years seems to have gone on for a lifetime and we were so excited for us to both be working full time in order to save properly and get our mortgage. Now we have to start all over again!

I've read it back and can totally hear how selfish I sound, I know we're still young and if he's going to do it, now is the best time for it. Does anyone think my disappointment is justified, or am I just being awful?

You are being awful. He has EVERY right to further his education. You're both very young and all the houses and babies can wait.

What's the rush?

Life takes lots of twists and turns anyway, and TBH it's great that he's considering continuing his study. As someone who has went back to study after 8 years, I'll tell you now - it's so much harder having time with a job to pay the mortgage and other needs. In the grand scheme of things more study can also mean more money later on.

It's really great that you have a "plan" but please don't put all your stakes on it. And support each other.

Yes I am afraid you are being awful. Why should you deny him a chance to better himself just because you want to buy a house and have children as soon as possible. He will resent you if don't let him fulfil his ambitions.

That's a bit odd to announce you're going to do a postgraduate qualification when you haven't even started an undergraduate one?!

The very best thing a 23 year old young man can do is to take a course that will lead to a career he likes. You will be very glad of that in the future.

And you're 20 and finishing your degree - surely you can see that you have time for him to take one, too?

Btw he'd better hurry up if he's applying, as the deadline, with references, is mid-January. Does he have good A levels?

Why doesn't he do a B. Ed instead?

Why the desperation to buy a house?

Agree with posters above, get your education whilst you're young & free of responsibilities, as it's much more difficult further down the line.

Can't tell from your post whether you think he's serious or not - if he didn't know a PGDE was a postgrad then he can't have done much research into the course & any associated costs.

Thanks for all your replies, I agree!
I am unsure of his seriousness about it all to be honest, I will broach the subject again tomorrow. He has worked as a teaching assistant at a school for 3 years so does have experience in a school setting and within the subject he would want to teach.

I think I was just initially shocked as he always said uni wasn't for him. Now I'm almost hoping he goes for it!

Lots of TAs have university qualifications, so he might actually find his current job would benefit if he started a degree, even if he didn't then top up with PGCE.

Btw, absolutely not thread policing, but you might get more replies in another section because we're probably going to be a bit blase about one year of postgrad, and a bit keen on saying 'do it, do it' about HE because it's our jobs!

Yes, like LRD I'm not sure this is the best forum for your question - it's actually about your relationship, not the study.

One think that really puzzles me, that I think you really need to think more about - you say We are both desperate to get our lives started

I think at 20, this is so so sad. You ARE starting your life - you're always living your life. Studying for a degree is your life, and very definitely starting your life. The knowledge & skills you are starting to develop in your degree studies will feed & nurture your inner life, your ability to learn and grow, your ability to be a good parent, for the rest of your life.

You actually sound rather young & immature and playing at being a "grown up." This is sad. Enjoy what you are doing now. That might help with your rather selfish immature response to your partner's wish to educate himself.

Education is an investment in your life. Never naysay anyone wishing to educate themselves. Never ever.

"thing" not think. Durrr