Are you OK OP? Do you need someone to talk to?
Yes I have felt like that, it was a complete build up of medical issues for both me and my DS that seemed to never ever give us a break. For over 13 years, but we managed.
Then 2 years ago I had a car crash on the motorway where I was sure at the time (hit by a lorry and spun over 5 lanes of traffic) I was going to die - and in the moment I didn't care.
That affected me more than the crash injuries. That I didn't have my life flash in front of my eyes, I didn't think of my loved ones. I just went oh well I'm dead.
Then after the accident I had more and more medical issues not related to the accident and felt my life was broken. My best friend died around this time too and it broke me More.
I had worked hard for a good career, but became ill, had a disabled child, became disabled myself, then I became more medically complex and the "front" I had put on for so long fell off and I just wallowed in despair as what I should have had wasn't happening. I'm poorer and can't make the money my friends have, and it's hard to not compare our lives - but a dangerous slope to go down.
Over the past 6 months I've felt better mentally - I've got past the what I should have been mindset and into the well here I am and I have the opportunity to live and I have to try to enjoy it. Its a privilege BF didn't get.
I'm doing things to make me feel more like me, getting dressed in nice clothes again - I lived in pj's for 18 months. I've saved hard and now I'm getting decorators in next week to make my house colourful as that makes me happy (I hadn't left the bedroom much for 18 months)
I'm doing physio hard so I can try and get back to walking distances outside now that spring is here and we have lovely forest and seaside walks nearby. And I'm hopeful I'll be able to drive again soon.
So yes, I've been broken but I'm mending myself, I'll always have cracks but I'm thinking of it like the beautiful Japanese porcelain that is mended with gold.
Here if you need help x