About this other mum

[WildistheWind]

I'll try to make this short.

my DD (6) is in Year 1 at school ( A really lovely School btw). At some point during the year another boy in her class (let's call him John) has started to give my daughter little figurines over a couple of weeks.

I felt uncomfortable about it and went to have a chat with his mum to let her know he was bringing his stuff to school anf offering it to my daughter. At the time she completely dismissed me and said, ah it's fine, if he wants to , he give her what he wants. I even offered to give them back and she said no.

Couple of months go pass and for the past two weeks my DD starts being anxious and asks me to buy figurines to give this boy because he wants different ones, not the one he gave her.
I said no, because I am against the idea of bringing stuff to school as it can create problems.

However, yesterday, I went to pick DD up from After School Club and I being told that John's mum has asked to speak directly to my DD and they've let her ! Not only she spoke to my DD and she made her really uncomfortable in front of the other kids and ask if she could give the figurines back because John keeps crying about them.

Right now I'm so cross at both the school and the mum. I don't give a damn about the figurines and will give them back but I think that :

1- The School should not allow an adult that has no relationship whatsoever with my DD to speak to her

2- John's mum should have listened to me and address this issue with John when I warned her

3- I think it's wrong to corner a6 yo little girl without her grown up around.

4- This woman should take this opportunity to teach John an important lesson.

I want to have a chat with both the Head and John's mum on Monday but I'd like some advice ...Thanks.

[WildistheWind]

Bump

[SoupDragon]

I would give the figurines back and rep at that you said it was a problem weeks ago and had offered to give them back at that point. I would make it clear that your DD was very upset at having been confronted by her (whether she was or not!) and you would appreciate it that any future problems were dealt with adult to adult.

I would express concerns to whoever is in charge of the after school club at how your DD was approached but I wouldn't make a huge deal with this as you don't know what story the mother spun or how the after school club actually handled it.

[Carbonated]

You are completely right on all counts. Speak to both of them - but I would avoid telling the other mother how to raise her son. Your responsibility is to your DD and hers is to him, and what she says to him about this is not your concern. TBH I think you should have told your DD to refuse all the figurines and you should not have accepted them into your home.

[SoupDragon]

give the figurines back and repeat that you said it was a problem

[WildistheWind]

Thanks a lot, I appreciate the answers.

I went straight to the Headmistress this morning with said figurines and said this :

1-When I noticed this happening I have warned the mother and offered to give them back but she dismissed me and said she didn't see why this could be a problem.

2- I'm very unhappy about the After School Club staff for taking the decision in my absence to let the mother speak to my DD

3- I said that I think other parents shouldn't approach kids that aren't theirs to solve anything whatsoever.

Head wasn't very impressed by both the mother and her staff and says she will follow it up. She agreed with me on all counts and will now be dealing with this.

Think I 've done it right and avoided confrontation with the mother. TBH I would have found it really hard to remain civil with her after she chose to cowardly confront my DD instead of coming to me to resolve this matter.

Now the mother will have to ask for the figurines back to the Head not me or my daughter...and I told DD that if the boy asks or talk about the figurines that she should just say that Ms. Headteacher is dealing with it.

[Carbonated]

Good result then. This whole situation was bound to end in teras, can't think what the other mother was thinking in letting her DS give away toys in the first place.