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how do I say that I don't want my MIL 'popping' around nicely?

10 replies

HousewifeOfOrangeCounty · 08/07/2010 09:59

A while ago we moved and are now much nearer to PIL's, but still half an hours drive away. We hoped that our relationship with them would improve as we'd see them more frequently for shorter periods rather than staying in their house for days.

My MIL is very manipulative and makes it very hard to ever say no to. We have made lots of effort to see them and invite them for meals, pop by on fathers day that sort of thing. However MIL recently came by under a flimsy pretext with one of her friends, she obviously wanted to show off her grandchildren, son etc to her friend and we decided to just suck it up. Then again this week she rang and left a message saying she needed to come by to give me something I'd left at her house. She was due to come to us a couple of days later and it wasn't anything important so not in the least bit necessary. I really didn't want to see her, so sent a text saying I was out and about so if I wasnt in to leave it in the front garden. An hour later the doorbell rings and there she is with another friend, so I take the bag from her and she asks to come in as they have a spare half an hour. Obviously I made them a cup of tea etc.

During the time she was here she wanted to show her friend the upstairs of our house, which I stopped her doing as I had no idea what state the dc's rooms were in etc.

Now, I know what she's like and am fairly sure that when I see her this evening (prearranged) that she'll say something along the lines of 'I hope you didn't mind my coming by the other day'. If I say no, it was fine she'll keep on popping by and I really don't want her to. I like my privacy and don't want to feel like a performing seal in front of her friends. However I don't know what to say without sounding like a bitch. She does a good line in looking very hurt if you say anything she doesn't like. WWYD?

OP posts:
Jux · 08/07/2010 10:23

I would say it was OK that time, but that it would be preferable if she were to phone first as it isn't always convenient.

You could say that you now work part-time from home - be very vague about the details - and that you won't really be able to just take breaks as and when.

DH told his mum that she had to ring first, but even when she did she wasn't remotely interested in hearing that it wasn't a good time etc. In the end, we either hid and ignored the doorbell () or, once or twice, just said hi, it's a bad time, we're about to go out, and shut the door.

(Now we're 150 miles away from her so she has to make proper arrangements.)

Dollytwat · 08/07/2010 10:35

Start doing the housework nude, open the door in your full glory and welcome her in

Plumm · 08/07/2010 10:51

Tell her it wasn't convenient for her to come round as you had things to do, and you'd rather stick to prearranged times.

bluecardi · 08/07/2010 10:54

get her a copy of The Little House by Phillipa Gregory - read it yourself first!!

HousewifeOfOrangeCounty · 08/07/2010 10:58

ooh will go and google The Little House.

Not sure I'm brave enough to wander about naked (lots of windows), but I could answer the door in bathrobe and say I was about to get into the shower.

The problem is that at the moment I'm not working and she knows that the deal is that I'm just pootling around, not doing much. She could see me through the window the other day or I'd have hidden .

I'm going back to work in October, so am enjoying lovely time by myself while the dc's are at school before they break up. I don't want to put on a show for MIL.

OP posts:
bluecardi · 08/07/2010 11:06

Not saying your family are like those in the book!!! It's a chilling tale about the relationship between mil & dil

granhands · 08/07/2010 13:21

Answer the door in your coat and say you were just on your way out.

HousewifeOfOrangeCounty · 09/07/2010 10:24

bluecardi - I'm going to get the book hopefully it'll make me count my blessings.

Coat is a good idea too granhands.

She came last night and having talked to dh about it, I did what he said which was when she asked if I minded (which she did) to say no it was fine, but in a tone of voice that wasn't too enthusiastic. I thought she might have got the message, but am not convinced.

Must keep blinds down during the day so she can't see me before she gets to the door.

OP posts:
SugarMousePink · 10/07/2010 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickschick · 10/07/2010 20:28

Bluecardi that book is fab .

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