Neighbours yelling every night at their kids to get to bed, thereby waking up our kids

[CoupleofKooks]

I don't suppose we will dare do anything about it. but is there a solution that won't completely piss them off? the dad's way of getting their children to sleep at the moment is to YELL AT THE TOP OF THEIR VOICES something like "GET TO BED NOWWWWWWW" or "I SAID GET BACK INTO BED"
it's not a nice thing to hear, it is very angry and very loud

ds1 is a light sleeper and has trouble dropping off anyway
when he hears this it either wakes him up if he has only recently fallen asleep, or upsets him (he is friends with their kids and thinks having your dad yell at you at bedtime is really nasty)

any ideas
the mum is pretty nice but it isn't her doing the shouting
i would not like to raise it with the dad personally
there's nothing we can do, is there?

yes i know
they are happy and well looked after other than this
but the dad is a shouter
it's just one of those things, do you think? but none of us like it

Is yelling at kids to go to bed really that terrible? Maybe the little blighters should go to bed!

If it's prolonged/late shouting that is really disturbing your children's sleep, then maybe it's worth mentioning it to them.

i think yelling in a nasty cross way is not very good at the end of the day, no, not to a 5 year old
i can't lie, i have done it myself at end of tether but this is most nights we hear it

I have just yelled at ds1 to go back to bed

he was up for the thrid time in 5 minutes, had left the tap on, had woken his brother up and was squealing at the top of the stairs

I had already put him kindly and gently to bed and really wasn't expecting him bloody well up again

and I have had a horrible day, had to record safeguarding concerns and speak to a parent at work (I hate it) and had just got in from a particularly odious governors meeting, I am tired and I want my dinner

but as kooky says, yelling at them at the end of the day isn't something any of us feel good about

I don't understand people for whom that becomes their NORMAL bedtime routine, it would upset me and the kids would never settle

can you have a word with the mum kooky? Are you friends?

aw greeny
sorry about that shitty day

we are friendly with the mum but not friends
what could i say anyway? i mean really?

I don't know, I detest this sort of thing and am really, really bad at it

I would fret and feel resentful but not actually say anything, probably

If I were a different, more brazen person, I think the right way of doing it would be

"Hi, I hope you won't be offended but would you mind asking X if he could keep the shouting to a minimum around bedtime - I think ours go to bed a little earlier than yours and he has woken them up once or twice"

I admit I couldn't do it though

oh god
"would you mind asking X if he could keep the shouting to a minimum around bedtime "
in a cheery voice
"and if he could hit them SLIGHTLY less loudly that would be super, thanks so much, bye!"

(this is just attempt at humour, they don't hit them)

Quite frankly, by the time I am reduced to shouting at my children to get to bed it is usually because they have driven me up the wall and I am seriously pissed off with them.

Could you just say 'sorry to mention this, but my son is being woken up of an evening by raised voices and I think it might be coming from your house. Would you mind trying to keep the noise down slightly please? I know how trying it is getting them to go to bed though blah blah blah'

My DS is going through a not going to bed phase too. He's nearly 5 and repeatedly gets up for about 2 hours after being put to bed every night. Has been doing it for several months now.
Thank god my house is detached or I'd be worryiong you were my neighbour!!!

or you could take a leaf out of my tube steak neighbour's book and put a little anonymous note through the door, making sure to scurry away before it can be noticed

not for shouting though, it's usually something like "your brambles are getting too long, they are going to scratch my paintwork" or "your chickens are clucking"

god I hate them

doesn't help you though

yep soupy i agree but this is not occasionally

thanks felix, i just can't imagine saying it
i know it's stupid to ask for advice then say "but i can't do it"
but i don't think i can

greeny how odd
we are lucky actually the neighbours here are pretty sound

i didn't say it was occasionally. unfortunately, mine regularly fart about driving me to the point of shouting (complete with oases door the swearwords in my ear!) I have to say that if a neighbour came complaining to me I would suggest they put mine to bed and see how they got on.

because I don't want to be shouting at them but that's where I've been driven.

LOL i see your point
thing is someone else's kids would never piss you off so badly at the end of the day
maybe i should suggest a swop with the neighbours, our dses regularly drive us mad at bedtime also (but our style is more quiet hissing and taking it in turns to stomp off while the other one takes over being calm parent)

If your problem is genuinely that your children are disturbed by unreasonable noise, then mention it.

If you just disapprove of their parenting though, I'd keep it to yourself.

i do indeed disapprove but i would never dream of mentioning it for that reason
i am hacked off when it wakes my children up though - we don't have the easiest time at bedtime either

Kooks although this must be a real pain for you, you don't know if they have other problems that are causing the friction in their house. I often hear my neighbour shouting at her kids when she's trying to get them in the car/late for work - but i remember when mine were like that and I was the same. Be glad that yours will go to bed and it's not you getting het up and shouting too. Do you live in a terraced house? that can be a real problem

yes it's terraced
i promise you we don't have easy bedtimes either!
i don't partic like the dad of this family so am prone to think he is just being nasty tbh, but i appreciate what you are saying

when we hear mums snapping at children in the town, ds1 always looks at me disapprovingly, but i always say "you do not know what kind of a day she has had!"
i am not judging everyone for less than perfect parenting i promise