should I reply to this text?

[ifyourmotheraskedyou]

My dh is having a big party this weekend. He sent out email invitations some weeks ago with a date by which he would like a reply.

An old friend of ours (in fact he is godfather to one of her children) didn't reply at all. We don't see her all that often and it would have been a nice chance to catch up, but I did suspect that she might not make the journey with kids in tow.

I wondered whether she had received the email, and if it had been my invitation I would have followed up with a phone call to check, but dh didn't want to do that. Anyway, I have just received a text from our friend apologising for non-response, basically just saying that she is so busy that she never gets around to anything and asking me not to write her off as a rubbish friend.

I'm a bit flabberghasted and I don't know how to respond to her. Firstly I am really shocked that she just never bothered to reply, and secondly my dh is quite offended that even now she hasn't actually responded to him but has sent me a text instead.

I don't know whether to reply to the text at all, as I don't know what to say! I don't quite feel able to say, 'oh, don't worry about it,' because really I think it is incredibly rude of her.

I'm rubbish at replying to emails so I'd let her off. If you like her, let it go.

So is she coming? Text her back and ask her.

Dont reply or reply just with 'ok'.

Thoough if it were me i dont think id be too upset about this - but its your wwyd not mine

No, she isn't coming. I would probably feel less cross and dismissed if it was a last-minute, 'yes we'd love to come'.

I don't think I would actually tell her she has been rude - I would not want to cause a rift - but I don't know how to reply if at all.

She is dreadful for not acknowledging presents for her children, which always really bugs me. I would be happy with a text or a phone call or whatever, just to say, 'thanks, it arrived,' but usually we don't hear anything at all and I am left wondering whether it has actually got there and am too embarrassed to ask her in case it sounds like I am telling her off.

So I am probably feeling even more irritated than I would otherwise feel.

I suspect she has texted you as she is assuming you are doing all the arrangements. I wouldn't text anything as you don't seem to know what to say but next time she doesn't respond or does with a similar text, consider if there is any point carrying on the friendship.

I had a friend that was forever letting me down with arrangements and in the end I asked if she still wanted to be friends. She wrote back that she did and so I invited her to my wedding. She phoned my future MIL days before the ceremony to say she wasn't coming but no one told me so I went into Church looking for her as I only had 1 family member coming and 2 friends.

She sounds like she's sorry. I would let it go, and just reply "never mind, hope we see you soon"

she has apologised for goodness sake
she knows she is in the wrong

I'm always sending that kind of text

So I say don't write her off! If she'a anything like me she probably thought, 'I must reply to that' and then didn't realise how close the event was. I find that things creep up on me.

I do send thank you cards though. Eventually.

I absolutely agree with you ifyourmother: I hate the attitude that people are 'too busy' to respond properly to invitations - and isn't it quicker to send a 'reply' to an email than to text anyway? I know I am incredibly old fashioned though (I never even use 'text') - I have family members who never send thank you letters for gifts - it is just so rude (and as we have to post presents we never know if they get there or not).

I wouldn't bother to reply to her text at all - hope she sends your DH a card (assuming it is a birthday party).

ok, thanks. I will try not to feel so pissed off about it.

Fab, your 'friend' sounds appalling. Mine isn't in that league, so thanks for helping with a bit of perspective!

Still can't really understand how a person can just fail to reply to an invitation though...

x-posts Lindy - thank you, it's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one who feels this way about this kind of thing. I am beginning to feel a bit of a dinosaur, but I just get cross about people being too busy with their own stuff to remember other people's feelings.

Some people are like your friend and some people aren't, all you can do is decide if you want to accept her like that.

don't you like her?

I never heard from her again..