Friend's dad has terminal brain cancer

[WinkyWinkola]

What can I do? What can I say?

My friend lives 200 miles away but how can I help?

Any thoughts?

My mum is terminally ill with cancer at the moment, and I can honestly say I prefer it if friends talk about something else. Pity/empathy won't change anything, and I've got too much talk about it going on internally, to want any of it to have to come out of my mouth.

Your friend might be completely different though, and that kind of is my point. Hopefully, you'll know her well enough to know what level of support she'd prefer.

Any chance you could visit for the weekend nearby, and take her out? Sometimes just the endless rounds of visits to the hospital can be the hardest.

Really sad for your friend that she's going through this but how lovely to have a friend who cares enough to want to do the best. knowing that, is probably the best help ever.

Well, I can telll you what NOT to say.

"I'm sure it'll be fine". I got this ALL THE FLIPPING TIME when my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumour; of course being 11 I didn't have the guts/nous to say "Really? I never realised you were a neurologist who could remotely diagnose. In fact I think you are saying that to make yourself feel better, not me"

Sorry, you probably were not going to say that at all. Just take her lead.

be guided by her

let her choose the topic, she will tell you if she wants to avoid the subject.

If you are not near, you might be in a unique position to allow her to offload some of her fears and worries without upsetting those who are helping her with the everyday stuff, iyswim...she might not feel able to voice these things with those she sees regularly.

Just listen, really I think.