DH and I have been married for 4 yrs. We have DS who is 13mo and I returned to work after ML at the end of Feb.
We love eachother but are struggling at the moment to understand fully the pressures of life for the other.
DH is feeling stressed at work. Partly due to the recession causing more pressure and partly because he feels he needs to provide for us as a family.
I've reassured him that he does this well and we have never had any money issues - even when I was on ML.
He looks to the future. We have planning permission for an extension to our kitchen and he knows that I would like more DC.
I know he cares for me a lot but - here's the really embarrassing thing - we haven't had sex since DS was conceived. Whilst I was pg and in the first 10mo of DS I wasn't too bothered and was just grateful that unlike some of my friends' DHs, he wasn't pestering for sex.
Since DS was about 2mo, we have regularly talked about ttc#2 from May this year and DH at the last minute has said that he's now not so sure he's ready to ttc yet although he definitely wants DC2.
Anyway, I would like to get our sex life back but he always seems to have some excuse. I've asked him what the problem is and he says he just has a low sex drive caused by stress at work. I feel like he doesn't fancy me anymore though and I want to know what the real issue is. I never thought I'd have to ask my DH for sex!
On top of this, I feel very much like the main carer for DS even though I'm back at work 4 days a week (spread over 5 days). DS is at nursery 4 days and I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times DH has done the nursery run since he started there at the end of Feb. To be fair, DS's nursery is a good 20mins out of his way of his journey to work. He's also often home after DS goes to bed and he only gets up to him if he wakes in the night (usually once a night but sometimes more) about once a week. I feel like the default carer and as if I have to ask permission almost if I want DH to do anything to help with bedtime or meal times.
At weekends, I work Saturday morning so DH does look after him from 7am-2pm on Saturdays. This works well and they both enjoy it. Once I'm home though, DH generally goes off into the garden to work and we don't share DS's care the rest of the weekend. I do all the other meals and DH may help with bedtime but doesn't do it all himself. He has done a couple of times no problem if I've been out but it's my responsibility by default.
I've tried to talk about all of this with DH but he just says I'm moaning and it makes him feel bad. AIBU? Does anyone have any suggestions?