Funeral attendance

[dreamygirl]

Is there some kind of etiquette about when it's reasonable not to attend a funeral? DH's grandma died and we thought the funeral would be in half term, but (for family reasons) it's not till the schools have started back and it's going to be held over 300 miles from where we live. Ironically we're on holiday for a few days during half term quite near where it's going to be and we thought it would be easy to extend our stay and take in the funeral. Now we'll either have to stay nearly an extra week or go home and make the trip again which we really don't feel is an option. I'm not sure how well the school will take to us telling rather than asking them (because we wouldn't be around to come to school if they say no) that DCs are missing 2-3 days for their great-grandmother's funeral and I have some meetings and stuff which I can send apologies for but wonder if people will feel a bit about GrandmaIL's funeral being a valid excuse to be away. DH says don't worry about what other people think but that's rather hard. I wonder if we have reasonable grounds to say we can't come without giving offence. However DH says he will go anyway, by train if necessary, but he feels it would be much easier to extend the holiday until afterwards. I don't want to be unsupportive but the thought of staying so long (not even sure where we'd stay tbh) is quite stressful.

I don't think people would expect your DCs to attend a GGrandparent's funeral. At the same time I would expect the school to grant time off for it if you wish. You don't say how old they are? Would they are be missing GCSEs or anything else important?
My father has just died and I did not ask the school I told them that the DCs would be having a day off for the funeral.

It sounds as though you really don't want to go, and unless the children actually want to go I'd let your DH go alone. Just be aware that if they want to go and you don't let them they will resent it forever.

I think your dh should go alone tbh.

Go with what your DH wants, rather than the school or anyone else. It is his Grandma's funeral and no one else's business.

I do agree with inthesticks that you sound as if you don't want to go. If this is the case, please talk to your DH and don't hide behond the school.

Thanks. My condolences for your loss inthesticks. Sorry meant to mention that DCs are primary so nothing major to be missed. Also it's definitely the distance in relationship that makes me skeptical about the reaction, when my Mum died we just told the teachers which day they were missing and that was that.

As for not wanting to go, I'd love to be there esp. for DH but I can't deny the thought of going away tomorrow not knowing where we're staying for half the time is off-putting. But equally I always do worry about what others think & as the only non-teacher in my family I've had it instilled in me all my life that you need a "Very Good Reason" to miss school so that's the main reason for my concern.

I am probably over-reacting, I do have that tendency. I just think whatever we do someone is going to feel let down but you're right LilRed, it shouldn't be DH.

My DD is 4 (in transition) and I told the school that she would be having a day off for her great-nan's funeral and they didn't bat an eyelid.

Dreamygirl. I am so like you - I hate not knowing where and I am when and having a plan down to the smallest details, but sometimes we just have to suck it up. Take care of yourself. x