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Friend and her husband, what would you do?

7 replies

rollerbaby · 27/05/2010 21:26

I have a friend who I have known for about 5 or 6 years. Someone who I used to work with but have gone through lots with - dating our now respective husbands, getting married, settling down etc. We have always got on well, but her husband is a bit of a nob to be polite... whilst he means well he is a dreadful smug, showoff. Someone that really likes the sound of his own voice and opinions and really respects people who are basically rich and successful. He also sometimes acts a bit inappropriately and makes frankly rude and quite, well, inappropriate comments about various things. I guess you could say he is not my favourite person.

Anyway since they have had their daughter (and probably before) I feel like our friendship has really gone off the boil. For some reason, his one upmanship and need to compete always makes me feel that everything is a big contest and its just hard work. And that is rubbing off on my attitude to my friend if I'm being honest. I do my best not to let it, but we see each other less and less (she has a child) and since Xmas I have made umpteen suggestions to get together and have dinner etc but she never takes me up on it. Our partners are very different and I suspect her husband doesn't get on with mine or feel that we are the kind of friends that they should have. To be honest the more I write, the more I think, why am I even bothering worrying, but I do like my friend and I want us to be in each others lives in the future... but I feel like she is not that bothered anymore.

Would you say something or just let it go?

OP posts:
specialmagiclady · 27/05/2010 21:29

Have you made suggestions to get together without DHs? If she's still not into it, just let it go. She wants to, you want to.

cupofteaplease · 27/05/2010 21:34

Im in the exact same situation with my previous best friend of 12 years, although I am the one with the children as her dh prefers 'the good life' to children. Fine, each to their own.

Friend was a great support previously, and we have made many, many happy memories together.

However, I have accepted now that my dh will never be good enough for her dh to spend time with, so I have decided to let things go. I am not going to actively do anything, just continue to wait for her to make contact (has been nearly a year now )She is Godmother to dd1 and can't even be bothered with her any more.

It's a really sad situation OP, but possibly best to let it go.

dizzydixies · 27/05/2010 21:34

can you not do things without the husbands - I have lots of friends who I socialise without DH

cupofteaplease · 27/05/2010 21:35

In my case specialmagiclady, friend is not interested in meeting up without dhs, nor with my children.

Shitemum · 27/05/2010 21:38

Stay in touch. If you have children at some point then she will magically reappear in your life.

rollerbaby · 27/05/2010 21:42

She only ever seems to make suggestions to get together alone... Which I find a bit offensive as it sort of implies that there's something wrong with my OH. But to be honest hers is such a twat (and we both think so) that in many ways it doesn't matter. But it does matter because like you say Cup our relationship doesn't really work well when I feel like we never socialise normally with our families.

I texted her last week to suggest a get together this weekend, she says shes around, and then when I follow up, she says she can't do it but doesn't suggest any other time but maybe a coffee. A coffee??? I just find it really upsetting and hurtful.

I really feel like texting her to say what has happened, but I know it won't do any good and will just make the situation worse if anything. I just feel sad. We live really close and I had hoped that our children would grow up together, but now I feel like that won't happen and I should just accept that.

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 27/05/2010 21:47

I'd cut loose then, some people just grow out of friendships and it sounds like you have

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