DH doesn't trust his Mum to babysit.

[hmmSleep]

DH and I rarely get the chance to go out together (5 times a year tops?), mainly due to living a distance away from any family. On the rare occasion we are invited to a wedding, or a few months ago we treated ourselves to an anniversary night away, it is always my parents who step in to look after our children.

My in-laws separated about 2.5yrs ago and although my FIL has looked after the children for a couple of hours during the day so that dh and I could go to the hospital for a pregnancy scan, MIL has never looked after the children (dd is now 4.5yrs).

The thing is, it's not that I feel she should, (although would be nice) I actually think she'd quite like to. She has never offered, but I think this is because she's a bit nervous about it (she has had 3 children of her own).

The problem is, my DH says he wouldn't trust her to look after them. She is a bit scatty, for example her house is totally unchild proofed, rusty saws and matches lying about etc. which she doesn't clear away when we go to stay. But surely if she were coming to ours that wouldn't be a problem?

MIL has been quite down since the separation, and I think to show that she's needed and trusted would be nice. I also think that DH has known her for a lot longer than I have and if he thinks she wouldn't cope maybe I should trust his instinct.

WWYD?

why doesn't he trust her ? it can't be JUST the scatty ? sit down and gently quiz him and get to the bottom of this, before doing anything else.

I think you should trust your dh's instinct. I would think it's very unusal for a father not to want his mother to babysit so would think he has good reasons.

My MIL is the same a big bit scatty though and i have never left any of mine with her, I know she had 4 kids of her own but my DH insists on not leaving kids with her and I trust his judgement...

I think that you should ask your husband for specifics. She'll be at yours, so the nails etc is irrelevent. So what is he fearing will happen. He thinks that she will do X, she will not do Y, Z will happen. Not just "she's scatty" Make him break it down for you so you can understand the risk she poses to your children in your home.

That said, you don't leave your kids with someone unsuitable because you want to cheer that person up, so if your husband has reasons then accept it.

Id accept his reasons.

My MIL sound similar. She has good intentions but, for example when dh was little she got chatting to a friend and he ended up with severe sunburn because she 'forgot about him'. Things like that put me off.

I would say, don't push him too hard for reasons. As it is not impossible his reasons are to do with something unpleasant in his childhood which he has buried and doesn;t want or need to dig up again.

Thanks, I will talk to him more.

I think the reason I'm questioning his judgement is he is probably a more cautious parent than I am. For example if we are in a playground I will allow dcs to go on anything they can physically get themselves onto. I think it's good for them to have a bit of independence and in that situation it is unlikely they would do themselves serious damage. DH would be saying 'should he be up there, I'll just go up with him'. So I guess I think he's sometimes a little too over cautious.

I'ld be inclined to respect his wishes - atm MIL hasn't given any indication she even wants to babysit - so why rock the boat when neither MIL or your DH are keen on the arrangement. Also doesn't it speak volumes that he trusts your parents to look after the kids - so it's not just overprotectiveness...

SolidGoldBrass, I really don't think it's anything too sinister, I get the impression she was always a little uptight, but nothing more than that.

TotalChaos, I agree with your saying about him trusting my parents over his own, good point, maybe I should just drop it, my Mum is a bit scatty too, then again so am I!