DD excluded at end of term party

[BrigitBigKnickers]

DD (in year 6) has just come home from a school barbecue in tears.

A girl and DDs best friend are organising a party on the last day of term (their last day at junior school.)

Nearly everyone in the class (all but three) has been invited- including all of DDs really good friends. DD has been very pointedly left out.

DD is apparently not allowed to come as the girl (one of those very controlling types) whose house the party is being held at doesn't like her even though the party is being hosted by both girls (one of whom as I said, is DDs best friend.) The other girl took great delight in giving out these invites this evening in front of DD.

I know the best friend's mum quite well and I am sure she would not sanction this; it makes me think she perhaps doesn't know that DD has been left out. Not sure about the other mum but I can't really believe she would allow the whole class all bar three come. (There are several girls in DDs class she doesn't like and not without good reason but I could never let her have a class party and leave just one or two out.)

WWYD? Do I say something or leave well alone? I had told DD she could have a sleepover on the last day at junior school and now she can't even do that as all her good friends have been invited to this other party.

She feels her last day at junior school will be ruined because of this.

My heart just breaks for her

[Blu]

Speak to the best friends Mum.

[tiredlady]

Your poor DD.

I would mention it to her best friend's mum

[CarGirl]

that's just so nasty

[paddingtonbear1]

I normally say live and let live with parties, but in this case I would say something. I'd have a word with the best friend's mum first - as you say she may not be aware your dd has been left out.

[DecorHate]

That is mean. Shame though that all the parents didn't get together and organize a class party that everyone would automatically go to rather than a private one iyswim...

My dd had her birthday on the last day of SATs and invited everyone (even the boys!) so they could all celebrate together

[ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave]

I would mention to the best friend's mum.

[BrigitBigKnickers]

Think I might talk to the best friends mum but don't want to make it sound like I am inviting my own dd to the party. What do I say? I am really bad at confrontation and never quite know how to say things tactfully.

DD tell me that the party finishes at 8.30. I have told DD to ask her best friends to come over for a sleepover afterwards (the nasty girl lives literally actoss the road)and to ask them tomorrow before anyone can organise anything else.

[Hullygully]

Definitely definitely talk to best friend's mum. Just do it along the lines of, 'I wonder if you know what's going on? dd is v upset not to have been invited to best friend's party' etc.

[BrigitBigKnickers]

It's not actually a birthday party- it's a celebration of the last day at junior school.

[Blu]

Oh, no need for any confrontation. Just ask her friend-to-friend is she knows that your dd hasn't been invited - say 'I don't know if this is some inter-girl thing, but obviously with friend and dd having been such good mates through school, she'd like to celebrate with her. Can you dd come fo a sleepover?

YOU do the sleepover invites, mother to mother - don't leave it to the girls - they are obviously using invites as a weapon to claim friends form each other!

[catinthehat2]

Also, depending how artful MissNasty is, she might even HAVE an invite for your DD, and chucked it in a hedge. So all of you do need to get to the bottom of this if only to see how toxic this girl is goign to be at senior school.

[BoldChislers]

Wow. Speak to all the mums. This is ridiculous. It's an end of year party and they shouldn't be allowed to think that excluding children is the way to head out in to the World (well, secondary school) and make friends and be liked.

I am a bit hot under the collar as recently I had to help the school photographer gather the siblings together, and I was shocked by the OVERT bitching of the girls in their last year of school. Two of them had had their growth spurt and were taller than I was, and the rest of them were little moxie types all cute still. It was quite unbelievable how they made nasty comments in front of me. Or am I being naive to think they would rein it in in front of an adult.

There are only 13 girls in my child's class so I having been having a party every second year, outsourcing it! and inviting everybody. Other people do different things but at least I know that my daughter's party hasn't upset anybody.

[BrigitBigKnickers]

Quick update. I didn't need to intervene in the end.

DDs best friend spoke to her own mum about it (who was jointly paying for the party). DDs friend also had a go at the other girl and asked how she would like it if she was the only one left out! (Not sure if the mum also intervened.)

So now all the girls in the class have now been invited to the party and DD still gets her sleepover afterwards too!
Common sense prevails!

[thumbwitch]

Hurrah! I was about to post let her have her sleepove afterwards anyway but things have worked out very well! At least they won't have far to go after the party and if the controlling girl gets too nasty, they can decamp to yours earlier

[jenduff]

Aw well done to your DDs best friend BBK - as a mother of a year 6er I know how peer pressure could have made her feel uncomfortable about sticking up for your DD - so glad its sorted these things are such a right of passage - hope your DD enjoys her sleepover

[DecorHate]

Thanks for updating - glad to hear it's all worked out!