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What to do, what to do...

4 replies

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 17/05/2010 19:20

DD is four and a half, and has been going to a childminders since she was six months old. She starts school in September.
We had a few issues last year, as DD is very energetic and used to rough and tumble playing, and we had to really drill into her that when she is around the new babies that joined the CM's, that she was less rough and thought about her actions.
The younger kids are now 1 year four/five months. One of the girls has a habit of scratching DD, particularly when DD is too close. I have tried telling DD to stay away from the girl, to play with the other kids etc but obv, its hard to keep kids away from each other when they're in the same room iyswim.
So, last week, I picked DD up and she'd been bitten on the back by one of the younger children. Today I picked DD up and she has three separate injuries. She's got two scratches on her face, what looks like a pinch mark on her shoulder, and four scratches down her chest.
They have arisen when DD has been playing with one of the younger girls and tried to take back off the younger girl something that belonged to her (my dd). Younger girl has just lashed out and resulted in the scratches.
DD is determined to play with this girl. DD is now the oldest there in the day time, as the other children her age are in school full time. I accept that kids can have the habit of hitting / biting / scratching, and its part of being a kid. The CM is dicipling the child as the mother wants (cm has always adopted the way parents dicipline to keep the dicipline consistant). But, this girl is very young. She doesn't understand what she is doing is wrong.
So... any suggestions as to what I can tell my DD? I have told DD she shouldn't take her own toys to the cm house, to try to avoid that issue. I have suggested she plays on her own, but that seems a bit anti-social and DD loves the kids.
My mother and my husband are not as laid back in their approach, and suggested I should tell DD to smack this child on the hand next time she scratches her. I feel that undoes all the hard work I did to get DD to be gentle and understand that she's larger and stronger than the smaller kids. But, I dont want to have to keep fetching DD when she looks like she's been in the wars.
WWYD?

OP posts:
ElfOnTheTopShelf · 17/05/2010 19:35

I know its only a few minutes since I posted but... I'm impatient!

OP posts:
waitingforbedtime · 17/05/2010 19:40

no do not tell her to hit the little girl. For one, she is a baby, for a second your dd should not be disciplining and for a third youve been teaching her not to hurt kids, why undo all that?

I think I would ask the cm to supervise more and I dont know what else you can do tbh.

I would put a blanket ban on letting dd take her own toys to the childminder, thats only going to end in tears imo.

Other than that I guess, explain that the baby is just that, a baby, explain she won't understand sharing etc and if your dd wants something back either wait her turn or ask the childminder to help.

hth

waitingforbedtime · 17/05/2010 19:41

oh and ask that the baby's nails be cut!!

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 17/05/2010 19:59

cm has cut the babies nails today. I suggested (jokingly) that she could sellotape DD's mittens around the babies hands. . But, that doesn't address the teeth issue!

I wont let DD take anything tomorrow; hopefully that will ease the issue a little.

DD is being very good and not fighting back, I know the natural urge can be to fight back and I dont want to undo all the work we did with DD to make her more gentle. It just seems a little mean to see her hurt, particularly when its something not easily preventable, as its a quick action.

OP posts:
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