Should I risk the wrath of my SiL?

[FlightyButPolite]

My brother and his wife are due to have their first child any day now. They moved to Northern Scotland about 4 years ago, and I haven't seen them since my gran's funeral 3 years ago.

My parents drove (from North Midlands) to see them recently and I asked them to take a big box of goodies - pressies, books, things for the baby, bottle of vintage champagne for wetting the baby's head etc. I have had no message to say thanks, or even hi, which tbh is a bit hurtful as there was approx £350 of stuff in that box. Hey ho.

The point (and yes there is one) is to ask what you would do when the baby is born. I would like to take my dc(6 and 4) to see them, not staying there obv (my DH's sis did that to me just after having my DS)but to stay nearby for a weekend so that they get to meet their cousin.

I have had no invitation to visit.

Before he married, we were v.close and although I expected it to change I didn't think that someone I spoke to twice a week would contact me 4 times in 3 years (and one of those was to ask me to send pram/cot to them).

His wife is a difficult character with lots of issues. She has made a point of being difficult to my mum and my dad dislikes her. I don't warm to her, but have tried not to put judgey pants on as I have only met her 5 or 6 times...my db says she is intimidated by me (I am extremely non-scary).

Apologies if this is long and rambling, I haven't posted before, although I've lurked for quite a while..

I'd just go and assume invitation. He is your brother, and the child will be your niece/nephew. Just go.

Also, and I'm simply being devils advocate here, you haven't spoken to him as much as you used to, but thus works both ways. Os it just him not making contact, or could you have tried harder too?

It's hard when people you're close to move far away.

Think it's awful that they've not called to say thanks for the gifts, btw.

I probably could have tried harder, but if I phone their home phone it doesn't get answered (I think that perhaps they screen their calls..) and I don't feel comfortable calling him on his work mobile, when he is, after all, working!

At one point we used to chat via facebook, but he hardly ever responds nowadays.

I do feel quite sad about it all.

As for the gifts, ring your brother and tell him how excited you were when looking for the gifts and ask HIM if he liked them, that may prompt a thank you.

I would not visit with kids in the first 3 months, but ok afterwards. Or even better later than that. Mi niece had a fantastic time meeting DS when he was about 11 months old, by then DS was a crawling machine and my PFB syndrome had subsided enough to relax while he was passed around from one cousin to another. They certainly enjoyed to make him laugh and him the extra attention.

forgive me if I misread...

It certainly was ungracious, I suppose we could be generous and say they were too busy being pregnant but tbh I think that's a bit lame. They should have said thanks.

On the actual question....

You're wondering whether to go and visit the baby that hasn't been born yet and are concerned about the invitation that hasn;t been not given yet.

yes?

hmm.

maybe you should wait and see...?

and then fuck it and turn up with nipple cream and a box of chocolates.

Ah well, you see the babe is actually due on my birthday..and they came to see both my little ones in hospital the day they were born (although they were both in England at the time)because I had spoken to my DB everyday when he called to see if the baby had come yet..

Maybe I should just start making more of a nuisance of myself

I would try not to blame the SIL here as your brother is capable of using the phone and she may well be a bit intimidated by you.

My DH has two sisters who he rarely has any contact with simply because he is a lazy so and so and can't be bothered. Now i am not saying thats what your brother is like but he does have a lot going on in his life at the moment. New baby, work, wife, bills etc.. practicalities take over and you always assume your family will be there no matter how you treat them!

I am very intimidated by both my SIL, and i am not exactly a shy person. I have this feeling that they blame me for the fact that there brother is so distant now when I am the one desperatly trying to get him to have more contact (very complicated issues behind this which i am sure your bro doesnt have!).

so yes - i would make a nuisance of yourself!

ye gods woman. he's your brother, (older or younger?) bother him aplenty and be useful and try to skirt this side of annoying