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Having a friend dilemma - I don't even know if it's all in my head

35 replies

Unsearchable · 12/05/2010 16:08

I've made a new friend lately who I feel is trying to take over my life. When we drop our children at nursery, she follows me to wherever I go, and I had to strongly dissuade her from coming to the dentist with me the other day.

The truth is that now my daughter is at nursery, I haven't got a lot to do in the day, but sometimes I just want to walk around town on my own, or go home and sit and watch DVDs. I know that sounds dull, and not as much fun as spending time with a friend (and she IS a friend, she's very nice and fun to be with).

I used to be very very outgoing and sought company almost constantly. But recently I've wanted to spend time on my own. I am approaching a milestone birthday, and I am starting to feel like people's free councilor - they offload onto me. I used to like this, it made me feel important, but now it makes me feel used, and emotionally wrung out.

I seem to have become self centred and selfish.

So, I don't know what to do. Should I ask my friends to back off out of my life, or make excuses to be alone, or shall I carry on as I am currently, around people all the time? I don't know if this is 'right' for me, you see. I've always cherished having a lot of friends, it's not my normal reaction to want to back away from people. generally I love all my friends so much I'd have them move in with me forever if I could, but right now I just want them to leave, fuck off stop talking.

It's me, isn't it.

What would you do? (And why is this happening to me?)

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 12/05/2010 17:27

that sounds fine to me. I do think personalities change throughout life. I've always loved my own company and crave time alone at the moment

StealthPolarBear · 12/05/2010 17:28

sorry, but have been through 'sociable' periods in my life, where i've wanted to be with others all the time

BariatricObama · 12/05/2010 17:34

friend does sound like loon though, why on earth does she tag along when youa re shopping or going to the dentist ffs. it would stress me out. try the deferment tactic advised on here give yourself a break

aSilverLining · 12/05/2010 17:34

Can't you be honest with your friend and say to her, oh I am just staying at home this morning and I am really looking forward to a bit of alone time (said in a cheery postive way). Then say but we could do something Xday if you wanted... I have a friend who pops in for a cuppa some mornings or I walk to hers but the difference seems to be we are honest when we are looking forward to some 'me time' - all mums need it!! If she takes offence and doesn't get that you might need a bit of alone time then she is not as good a friend as you thought.

Also, it sounds like you are the type of friend everyone comes to with their problems which shows you are a nice understanding sort, can you do the same in return with anyone and talk to a RL friend about how you are feeling??

bintofbohemia · 12/05/2010 17:35

God, I'm like this - all the time, it's not depression, it's me. Sometimes I want to hang out with people, sometimes I don't. I'd be seriously fed up if she hung around at mine all morning, followed me to the gym, it sounds weird!

As much as I love people I need my downtime. Even if I go to stay with someone/have guests, and really enjoy it, I also love getting in the bath, or into bed, all alone, and not having to talk. My DH is the same. I bet lots of people are.

ProfYaffle · 12/05/2010 17:37

I'm another one who's like that all the time too, but if you think it may be linked to the pill maybe go back to the GP and see if there's another brand that may suit you better? They can vary considerably.

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 12/05/2010 19:05

How about telling her that you're studying - make up something on the OU if you need to. That's reason enough to be on your own.

The pill made me feel as if I had constant PMT too - got really irritable easily, and just couldn't do doing with people. It could be that, in which case maybe you could mention it to your GP? Or it could just be that you're turning into a Grumpy Old Woman as we all do when we reach a certain age

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 12/05/2010 23:10

you should read glenda's suggestion on this thread

fantastic.

Plumm · 12/05/2010 23:21

As long as it isn't something medical (depression/pill) affecting you then I can't see a problem with you wanting time to yourself.

dignified · 16/05/2010 17:45

Of course it isnt you !
People who dont respect your boundaries are hard work. She doesnt get to TELL you shes coming everywhere with you , she should ask , shes actually being really rude and pushy, and she probably knows it too.

If your freinds visit and outstay their welcome its perfectly normal to get pissed off, same too with noisy toddlers and people just turning up expecting your time.

Do not question yourself, theres nothing wrong with feeling this way, why should you have to tolerate your freinds company when you dont wnt to !

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