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Original poster

she's my frenemie

13 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 12/05/2010 15:35

Quick details

My "friend" is annoying - she comes round after work on her way home and sits on my sofa drinking tea, for hours, about twice a week - she lets her self in, if the door is unlocked

She's unhelpful, she doesnt have any DC and doesnt think that I might like to sit down with my DD and do some thing quietly together in the evening,

Im PG and I havent told her. I dont want to tell her.

Here is the complication

She's my DP's x girl friend....

hahaha they were together for over 5 years

DP cant stand her, and her and I were pals whilst they were together, however, they broke up 5 years ago, and we've been together 2 years.

She's doing my head in and has just text me to say she's on her way round after work.

I dont want her here, im tired and i feel crap - I have loads of work

WWYD?

Tell her to fuck off? Im not like that

OP posts:
DrSpechemin · 12/05/2010 15:37

Say you are just on your way out.

Do this a few times and then she'll get the message.

You will have to tell her you are pg at some point as it will be hard not to notice - then you can use being pg as an excuse.

Why does she come round so much?

pagwatch · 12/05/2010 15:38

what do you mean 'you are not like that'.

Do youmean you are not truthful or you are not rude.

Why can you not just say to her that you are not feeling well and you would rather that she didn't visit.

And why the hahaha thing? Was that bit a joke [perplexed]

nickschick · 12/05/2010 15:39

Lock the door and be very quiet.

MrsRhettButler · 12/05/2010 15:40

what nickschick said

scurryfunge · 12/05/2010 15:41

What do you want from the friendship then? Sounds like she thinks she is your friend.

AnnieBeansMum · 12/05/2010 15:43

Tell her to sod off. My friend is like this as well and it drives me bonkers. She'll just show up whenever (I don't get the luxury of a text first).

We had a long talk this weekend and she's lonely. Her and her partner broke up 2 years ago and she hasn't even had a date since that time - she is desperately lonely and couldn't bear to sit at home on her own. I very gently told her that while I appreciate her loneliness, that there are times when I would like some time time with DH and DD on our own.

She gets it now. Talk to her.

PrivetDancer · 12/05/2010 15:45

just text her back and say you can't do tonight for the reasons you said above "im tired and i feel crap - I have loads of work"

I don't really see the problem - you don't have to tell her to fuck off, just be civil and cool.

colditz · 12/05/2010 15:45

Lock the door and go upstairs and bath your daughter. Don't answer your phone.

When you do eventually answer your phone (not until about 9.30) you say you were bathing your daughter, and you both fell asleep in her bed.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 12/05/2010 15:50

Last time she sent me a msg on facebook saying she is coming round I text her and told her id had a crap day and was having a quiet evening in, i dont feel like I can do this twice in a week, and its only wednesday

No im not joking about her being DPs ex, that was a nervous hahahaha as I think she's a bit of a bunny boiler and is still on love with my DP.

OP posts:
notwavingjustironing · 12/05/2010 15:52

Text her back and say, sorry you can't do it tonight. You don't need to explain yourself.

Personally, I wouldn't leave my door unlocked at all - once she's in, its a bit rude to kick her straight back out again.

So don't enable her in the first place.

Ask if she has any plans to come round, as you are busy this week (invent something if you have to).

Don't let her sit there for hours - make a cup of tea, and then after half an hour get up and clear the cups away and say cheerily, well I bet you've got loads to do, I know I have!

Unless she has the hide of a rhino, she will soon get the message.

kickassangel · 12/05/2010 16:06

do you want to stay friends at all? if not, bite the bullet & just tell her it isn't convenient, as she may take offence & flounce.

if you still want some friendship, tell her you're really not feeling well this week, how about ... & give her a day for next week. try to make it less of a drop in thing, more of a once a week planned thing.

Dommy · 01/06/2010 20:51

Do you get anything out of the friendship at all? Shouldn't friendships be a two way street - you give and hopefully get something in return: loads in common, companionship, laughter, someone who shares your interests etc. It totally sounds like you do all the giving and dont even want to do that. While she does all the taking and is a bit of stalker.

Be firm stand you're ground and take the above getting-out-of-it advice above. Good luck.

Ambi · 01/06/2010 21:14

Yeah, just text back can't do it tonight, I'm busy and leave it at that. Don't apologise. You have a life and shouldn't be apologetic of wanting to spend your free time the way you want to.

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