more of a what do you do really - motivating children who just want to have it easy.

[rey]

I am at my wits end. I have tried everything. No support from father (but don't get me wrong he is a good father). However, they just don't want to do anything except watch tv and use pc. I've tried with-holding, promise of treats, and finally told them I give up do what you like. Take life easy, forget doing your homework and see how hard life will be when you are older. All their friends have parents who get them to do music lessons, sports clubs, extra-curriculum stuff. I have been against being "pushy" trying to make life as easy as possible for them to have time to relax after school best stop I am going on and on if you have got this far thank you and thank you for any suggestions. I really do not want to give up but feel I cannot take it anymore and before you tell me to pull my socks up and get on with parenting I really am at the end so if you cannot be easy on me(!) thank you for not posting.

Sounds like its all getting on top of you there, it's all a minefield this parenting business isn't it?

You don't say what age your children are, which maybe makes a difference to how you deal with this, but I think the principle I'd go for would be the same for any age - Pick Your Battles.

Which things are they not doing which really matter? I'd say homework is important. And pulling their weight round the house. Beyond that, I'd not be bothered if they want to not do any activities.

So, I'd drop any attempts to get them to do the less-important stuff, but stand firm on the important ones.

Then you don't feel like you're either banging your head on a brick wall, or being a useless parent for not trying.

Early teens and I just feel like if I can't get them motivated now what will it be like when they are in the stages of exams that really matter. They will have no chance of university as all the others we know do loads of things and it seems to be you have to do lots of extra things not just get good grades now.

Yes it is all getting on top of me and expecially because if they will not be told or even bribed now what hope will there be when it really matters.

Don't do things for them. They need to learn to be independent. They should experience the 'natural consequences' of their actions eg if they forget to do their homework, there should be a punishment at school. If they are not getting a punishment at school, ring the school and ask why not.

What else is it that you want them to do?

rey - it's difficult and you have my sympathies! My DSSs work hard at school but for the rest are unbelievably idle and it frustrates the hell out of me. We are in the process of changing them to another school where we hope that the children around them will have more interests beyond TV and computer games and that they will be motivated by competitive pressure into doing other stuff!

Bonsoir you amaze me as that is exactly what I have mentioned doing in the hope that it would make them move and do something.

KK that's what I have started doing.

So I am not alone then?.

Is there a different school option? Can you get the ball rolling?

Can you learn something new as a family - join a tennis club and learn to play tennis, learn to sail, go to a driving range and learn to play golf? Go to a museum EVERY Sunday or something?

Do you set a good example? Do you do things other than work, TV and computer?