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Coleague and good friend in trouble at work, wwyd?

11 replies

meatntattypie · 19/04/2010 13:56

We have been friends for 20 odd years.
We work together and she thinks that the management is on a witch hunt to get her out.
There have been compalints about her manner and how she comes across to people.

Management have got HR involved, she has the union involved.

The trouble is the people who have complained about her are right. She is abrupt, rude and dificult.But that is just her, the way she is. She is kind and will do anything for her friends.

people have complained to me about her, but i have felt very uncomfortable and not responded.
She on the other hand thinks that she is right, they are all wrong and she is very dismisive of the problems.

I am in a difficult position.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/04/2010 13:58

why do you have to do anything at all ?

Just carry on the way you have been

Support her but don't get involved

GooseyLoosey · 19/04/2010 13:58

I think the time has come to be honest to your friend and say that people have approached you about her manner and whilst she may not be aware of it, she can be abrupt. Say you are only telling her this so she can go fully armed to personnel and have a plan to deal with it. Phrase it so you are being helpful not negative.

emsyj · 19/04/2010 14:06

Cluck sympathetically and say as little as possible.... It's a no win situation for you if you get involved and try and tell her that she's wrong and they're right.

tethersend · 19/04/2010 14:10

Let the union do their job and act as her advocate at work- be her friend and don't become involved.

meatntattypie · 19/04/2010 14:14

She is convinced she has Aspegers.

I think that she is just impatient and intolerant, but may be bieng unfair. She only sees her way, no other way, she will not negotiate or discuss, she is adamant about stuff.
Her interpretation of situations are quite different to those who are involved.

All i do so far is as you advise, cluck sympathetically and dont comment.


OP posts:
tethersend · 19/04/2010 14:21

Keep quiet and then come and slag her off vent on here- you know we'd love to hear about it

meatntattypie · 19/04/2010 16:15


OP posts:
plimsolls · 20/04/2010 19:29

Are you able to forget that you think she is wrong and just support her as you would a friend you don't work with? Tea and sympathy, wine and chocolate etc. If HR and management are against her then she's probably having quite a shitty time.

You say she is a lovely and kind to her friends so you obv have agood friendship- try and focus on that side of it rather than the rights/wrongs of the situation.

Agree though, very awkward.

plimsolls · 20/04/2010 19:31

Also, having now read your thread properly, I work with someone who does have Aspergers and they do come across as you have described. With her, i find the best way is to be quite direct and matter of fact but non-judgmental e.g. "When you do X, it makes people feel Y" etc.

good luck!

meatntattypie · 21/04/2010 17:46

well yes, as she is such an old friend and i have allot of time for her, i do just look at it as if we didnt work together and are just friends.
She doesnt appear to be having a shitty time as she is absolutely adamant that this is not her problem, she is almost incapable of being stressed about anything at all.Never has even had a wobble in all the years ive known her tbh.
Is that a symptom of Aspergers?

OP posts:
JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 21/04/2010 19:57

depends on the person with Aspergers.

Some people are easily rattled and some are not.

I think nodding and listening and not offering unasked for opinions is best. Unless she comes and says "Do you think they're right?" in which case you say that people who don't know her might interpret her straightforward manner as abrupt.

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